I have gone through things like this my entire marriage. Always second guessing myself. Am I being a jerk? Am I being selfish? Am I not taking her into consideration? Than I would usually feel guilty and give in. It was much worse this past year. I think she felt I would give in on everything and she took advantage of that. I don't have to deal with it anymore! I can stand up for me and my rights now!
I still don't have her actual physical address! I told her the kids are not going out there till I get that plus the 2 signed forms.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I think she felt I would give in on everything and she took advantage of that. I don't have to deal with it anymore! I can stand up for me and my rights now!
Hi Joe!
Sorry, it's been quite a while since I checked in on you.
I know what you mean. I feel the same way about my WAW. Look how strong you have become...good for you sir!
Hang tough and keep standing up for your rights.
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thank You BOB and V! The one thing I really hope happens through all this is, I hope my kids look back on this and know that I was there for them and love them so much and that I am so sorry they have to go through this. And that I never abandoned them!!
D12 told me the other night that she is sad because her mom never talks to the older kids anymore. She is afraid when she gets older that her mom will stop talking to her. That was sad.
D12 is having sleeping problems now. Went to the doctor. I am scheduling a appointment with a family counselor for her. She is stressed about me and her mom. Doctor said if it gets worse she might have to be on anti depressants. I texted all this to STBX yesterday to keep her informed on doctor visits. Her response was "ok".
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Personally, I don't think it's the best for children to be handed over from one car to another like a package. I also don't think it's best for them to see their dad being a pushover.
Your STBEX sounds like she is quite lost. I'd have her come and pick them up, if I were you, so you can see what she is like. I absolutely agree with having her sign paperwork before she gets them. And I'd also check the laws of the state she is in, if they have a history of cooperating with other states in parental kidnapping cases.
I don't know if I think that not asking for child support is a good thing. Many mothers get off without paying because men have their pride as providers. However, it's not money for you - it's for your kids. Also, the woman who gets off easy may perpetuate an entitled attitude and not feel really responsible. She may spend her money on fun gifts and buying her kids' love (like horses!) while you have to take care of their daily needs. That could create long-term resentment in you, and it's hard to hide that - it tends to seep out (sounds familiar?).
I know I haven't posted in your thread before, but I have experience from a large number of stepfamilies and the problems that come from not following guidelines when splitting up.
Best of luck with everything! Sounds like you are personally in a good place.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Thank You BOB and V! The one thing I really hope happens through all this is, I hope my kids look back on this and know that I was there for them and love them so much and that I am so sorry they have to go through this. And that I never abandoned them!!
Joe,
You are most welcome. Your children will know this! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Take care.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hang in there Joe46. My W has never been the most attentive mother. After she started her A and became Wayward, her attention to the kids has dwindled. She has started to "try" and be with them more while she was still "trying" with me. But with the A at the forefront of her mind, there hasn't been time for anyone else.
My parents picked up the kids for the week on Wednesday. Tuesday night she was home for a couple hours before I got home, I was hoping to spend time with them. I got home and she was asleep on the couch while the kids watched TV. I hung out with them then put them to bed while she packed their travel bag.
W is so depressed over the end (for now) of the A. Still, we've stayed as up beat around the kids as we can and they don't know there is any issue.
It is a fear of mine though that she'll just kind of move on from them in the same way she seems to be trying to move on from me.
I still haven't given up yet though. Continuing to DB even with this horrible week.
Me: early 30s Her: same M: 5+yrs T:10+yrs D (2): under 10s OM PA - Began Apr/15 A Discovered/ILYBINILWY: Start of May Removed ring: End of June
Keep it up t33!! As hard as it is and as hard as it gets, just keep DBing. It will help you and these people here will also help you. I was the only one focusing on the kids when my STBX was still in the house. D12 told me the other day, she was tired of coming home and her mom just goes in her room and works. I think she is worried that when they are out there with her that it will be the same thing.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I have gone through things like this my entire marriage. Always second guessing myself. Am I being a jerk? Am I being selfish? Am I not taking her into consideration? Than I would usually feel guilty and give in. It was much worse this past year. I think she felt I would give in on everything and she took advantage of that. I don't have to deal with it anymore! I can stand up for me and my rights now!
I still don't have her actual physical address! I told her the kids are not going out there till I get that plus the 2 signed forms.
Putting your kids first is anti jerk!
In my book it's jerk repellent.
Absolutely the right strategy Joe.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/03/1507:25 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
