Not much new to report around here. Still just working and doing things with the kids. I am looking forward to spending the day with them on Father's day also. I guess one new thing is now SS23 is living with me also. He has been kicked out by his girlfriend. Kinda funny WW runs to CA and I am here taking care of our kids and hers!
I have received several texts the past 2 days from her asking about the kids. Than one today wondering when she can expect the papers from the court. This is the most I have heard from her since she left.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Just thought I should check in! Been very busy around here. With work and spending time with my kids, I have not had much time for anything else. I feel like SUPER DAD! Cooking, cleaning, laundry and running kids around. Setting up doctor appointments that should have been done awhile ago( WW was too busy I guess).
Been reading some at night before bed. Trying to better myself. Been reading alot on boundaries. Very interesting reading! Alot of things have been coming to mind how WW was good at manipulating me. My fault for allowing it. She was good at guilt tripping me also.
I am preparing for another guilt trip. My L put in the parenting plan that she is responsible to the cost of getting kids and bringing them back. It was also my understanding she was coming up here to pick them up after the 4th. Now she has scheduled a appointment and wants me to meet her half way. Part of me does not have a problem with this because that is what most people do in these situations. But the other part is saying that she moved away, I am stuck paying her health insurance, stuck paying a debt she left that got put under my name and I have not asked for child support from her. So any opinions would be appreciated.
Had to have the talk with D12 the other night. I explained that I filed the legal separation papers and what it meant. I also explained why I did it. I did not speak negatively towards her mother at all. But I did tell her that I filed the papers mostly to keep the kids here. She seemed glad I did that. But she was VERY upset. I just comforted her and told her I will be with her through everything and I loved her very much. It was a very hard conversation. I was a little bitter at WW the next day, but I got over it. Luckily I don't hear much from her.
I have been golfing and fishing with the kids! Swimming and playing games! That has been my GAL right now.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I am so grateful for this forum! I think about where I was and where I am now. I was not able to save my marriage, but I did save myself. I am learning more about myself all the time. I am able to handle things differently now. I used to be afraid to stand up for myself with my W. She was good at making me feel guilty to get her way. She is finding out that does not work anymore. I feel good about myself and the way I have stepped up to take care of my family. I am doing good at GAL. I just wanted to stop in and tell everyone THANK YOU! Especially V, Sandi, Wonka and Cadet!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I have not been to your thread in a really long time. I am so amazed with the progress you have made. The tone of your thread is upbeat and positive. What a tremendous change. I had to do a double take and make sure you are the same person that arrived on the board a few short months ago.
The internet is a resource and a great big search tool, to give you info to make choices, but you make the choices and sometimes there are no right choices. Just better choices, so measure you on you. I wish you could see what I see, a tremendous success.
I picked the DB philosophy 1. It matches 12 step philosophy 2. I like 180s 3. I like Sandi guidelines 4. I like the fact it is about doing what works and if it doesn't work change it, modify it 5. I believe in self determining, learning , growing 6. Tolerance and the wisdom of crowds
More than anything, I like the honesty, the respectful posts and the club rules.
I would tell you the Buddah on the road story, a weary traveller meets the Buddah and asks I am on my way to the next village, what are the villagers like. The Buddah said, "what were they like where you came from" and the traveller said 'sad, despondent and uncaring'. The Buddah said ' they will be like that where you are going'
Whether the villagers are great or no, going in believing in sadness, deonsency and lack of care won't help.
Joe you have received that which you have given on this board and with your family. Those children and young adults are your core, your family, part of your purpose.
Whatever happens with WW, there is great success and love in your life. The Joe I hear from and read about is not different from the Joe who first joined the board, he is one who has grown into his own skin.
The potential Joe as a man and father is now the actual Joe.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, it has been a great privilidge to share your path in real time.
Besides the lfat lady hasn't sung yet. V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/28/1510:14 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Had a good weekend! Got the AC in! Much better! D12 had some friends over. They had a good time. Took kids to the pool Sat. Got lots of stuff done around the house. It makes me feel good to be able to take care of my kids, cook, clean, do laundry and fix things around the house all by myself. And I still get in some fun activities!
D21 sent me a card and some shirts for Father's Day. Got here late, but was well worth it! She told me in the card how much she loved me and what a difference I have made in her life. She told me how much she appreciated me stepping up and raising her as my own daughter. Made me feel good!
As far as WW, not much has changed. Told her the other day that kids are not going out there till she signs papers and they are filed with the court. Of course that did not go over well. But it is how it has to be. Now she sends me a text to ask if she can call S7 before bed to tell him good night. I told her if she wants to talk to them just call. She has been talking to them every night since she left. Don't know why all of a sudden she has started asking me. I usually remind the kids before bed to call her.
I am looking forward to 4th of July this weekend! Spending time with my kids! Lots of activities! Also going to get in some golf! I am enjoying playing golf now!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
You sound much happier and stronger. I know you are sad about M not being salvaged at all. Sometimes some M are meant to end for they are not healthy nor nourish you as a person.
Loved hearing about your Father's Day gifts etc. You are a rock to them. Funny how DB causes one to reflect and change priorities. You seem to have them in the right order.
You sound much happier and stronger. I know you are sad about M not being salvaged at all. Sometimes some M are meant to end for they are not healthy nor nourish you as a person.
Loved hearing about your Father's Day gifts etc. You are a rock to them. Funny how DB causes one to reflect and change priorities. You seem to have them in the right order.
Enjoy the 4th Weekend!
Thank You Wonka! I received several texts today from WW that made me feel better about my decision. I believe that DB really does cause one to reflect. I came here at the beginning focused on getting my marriage back. I was afraid of being alone, afraid of never finding someone else, afraid that my WW already has someone new( still think she does, but don't care now!) and afraid of losing my family. I was also so focused on her and what she was doing and thinking. Now I am focused on ME and my kids! My stress level has dropped so much, it is amazing. I have a whole new positive look at things. I have patience and understanding. I have let go of most of the anger. I say most, because it resurfaces from time to time. I have community members supporting me and offering to help. My relationship with God is stronger too!
I texted WW this morning asking her to make the last 2 payments of a bill of hers that I had been paying on and also felt she should pay her half of the health insurance since I have the kids and I have not asked for child support. I than began to receive texts about how D12 is really upset at me for saying mean things about her mom and she was texting WW all night last night. I have not said one mean thing about her. As a matter a fact, I told D12 that her mom loves her very much and I always remind them to call her every night. But I was worried that I said something that upset D12. I asked her at lunch if I did something to upset her or if I said something. She said no and she was not texting her mom all night. She did text her and tried to talk to her because she was upset and wanted us to work things out. WW would not talk to her. I told her that I am always here for her no matter what. I will ALWAYS make time to talk to her. WW NEEDS TO GROW UP!!! It is sad she is hurting all her kids. The only one she really wants to deal with is S7 because he is too young to understand.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Joe, I was you didn't have to go through the sitch with your wife, but I look at where you were even 2 months ago and the control you've taken back with your life, yourself and your family. You really are an inspiration for people like me who still fear being alone and failing.
When I read your sitch it helps me realize, I only failure if I stop working on myself and I'm only alone if I stop trying to meet new people, gal and reconnect with all the friends and family I already have. One person (ww) does not define our purpose in life.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Good Morning DB Friends!! Hope everyone is doing okay this morning. I am in need of opinions please. Here is the situation. STBXW( I think I can say this now) is arguing that I should meet her half way to get the kids out to CA. My attorney put in the parenting plan that she is responsible for the cost of getting the kids back and forth. She does not have to pay child support and only has to help with school clothes and school activities. Now these papers are not filed yet. They were mailed to her and she is supposed to sign the acknowledgement and the temporary agreement for this summer. It states when she is supposed to bring them back in August. L told me he suggests I don't let them out of the state until we receive the acknowledgement of the papers and the temporary agreement. The final parenting plan can be worked out later.
So my opinion is that she first must get the 2 items signed and back to L ASAP. Than I told her that I would possibly be willing to meet half way if she paid my gas. I explained that I am already paying 2 bills of hers and taking care of the kids. If she can't come all the way up here, than she should help with the cost. Now she is trying to make me feel guilty to get her way by saying the kids can't come out there because I won't meet her half way and she has to sign these 2 papers. I have a feeling that she needs to get back right away because of her night job. Also she told the kids she got them each a horse. Probably broke now too. Oh the joys of dealing with the STBX!!! LOL! The text she sent wasn't very nice either. Never said, can you meet me. It said "I want you to meet me half way".
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
