I'm not sure how much of a reconciliation it can be when she's still with OM on the side. But we did have a nice weekend, despite it ending awkwardly.
She's just in such a foul mood all the time. She's difficult (aka NOT FUN) to be around. It's very quickly changing me from putting everything I have into saving US to just wanting to move on and get it over with.
I suppose this is healthy as I'm finally focusing on ME, and not worried about everyone else's reaction. I'm just asking myself WHY do I want to save this? I truly can't find a legitimate reason now, other than D2 will be happier. But will she really be happier? I don't know anymore.
Ditto. I'm in the same place mate. On a scale of 1-10 of waywardness my W is an 11.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Since the weekend, there has been very little contact. All through text messages. Nothing really important, just day to day interaction about uneventful things.
I'm in a nice place right now - somewhat at peace, and yet still a little nervous about the future. I took a night off of rehearsal tonight so I could spend some time with D2.
It has been all W initiating contact for the past two days. I'm really trying to detach and give her space so I can give her a chance to think, and see where that goes. We do need to talk sometime this week so I can get a sense of where she is with the A. I need to figure out how to approach that subject and at the appropriate time. It really is the deciding factor on whether I'm willing to keep trying or not.
Ok forum family, I need some help and direction. Maybe Sandi2 is around? I've been doing well with PMA around W. Yesterday when I dropped off D2, I noticed W wasn't wearing her ring.
It was a wake up call for me. Since we've been separated now for 2 weeks, I've thought about moving on or staying to try and work things out. BD was 2 months ago now. We've remained cordial, and she's backed off a lot on anything bitter or hurtful words. It's seems she is genuinely confused and afraid. I've tried to avoid talking about R because every answer has been "I don't know right now."
here's where the moment of truth comes in...I'm picking up D2 tonight and W has texted me that we "can talk tonight if you want".
I've reached a point where I'm willing to try and work on things as long as it takes - BUT not if OM is still in the picture. I don't know if he is, and last time I asked about it two weeks ago, she said "it's none of your business." This is the one obstacle that is holding me back fr moving on, maintaining PMA, etc.
How do I approach this tonight with her? Everything else is unimportant right now. If he's still in the picture, I'm filing D this week. Any thoughts on how to make this clear to her?
I made the decision not to talk at all. Didn't bring up anything related to R. When I walked in the house, W was heating a frozen pizza and invited me to stay. She also made root beer floats.
conversation revolved around D2 and how amazing she is growing and learning.
Quick hug and kiss on the cheek and I left with D2. Got to parents house and put D2 to sleep.
I made the decision not to talk at all. Didn't bring up anything related to R. When I walked in the house, W was heating a frozen pizza and invited me to stay. She also made root beer floats.
conversation revolved around D2 and how amazing she is growing and learning.
Quick hug and kiss on the cheek and I left with D2. Got to parents house and put D2 to sleep.
I am glad you made this decision. You want to be upbeat, positive and light around W. I love Root Beer floats in the summer with A&W. A true summer treat for sure!
Lots going through my mind today. It's been tough.
Is there ever a good time to ask her about her Affair? I really want to know if it's over or if they've just gone further underground.
Another question...D2 and I share a birthday in a couple weeks. Should I just plan something? Should I ask W if she's planned something? I just want to be with D2. I took the day off work, but I don't know how much of this to try and plan with W or if I just start making plans. We don't hate each other. Its actually sort of cordial right now. Not knowing about the Affair status is affecting how I approach the situation.
Hi Ralfy. How you doing mate. Not posted here for a while.
Not sure about asking about the A. I'll let someone with more experience chip in with that one. If it were me I wouldn't ask. He's a nobody and has nothing to do with your family. Forget that jerk.
As for birthday. My S9's birthday is coming up and I am most definitely engaging with WW on that. Now if I were you. And I don't know you personally I'd bring it up. If you have an idea of what you want to do with D2 then mention it with the WW. But on this I'd be prepared to negotiate as its D2's birthday as well. Be strong on the point that you will spend the day with D2. If WW wants to be there then is a perfect opportunity to show her the great guy she's leaving.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks NDY. Hope you are well too. I was leaning toward working with W to make the plans together. I just wanted to be sure. Sometimes I feel like my situation is much different than most on here, and other times, I can see that it's exactly the same.
My W is having some kind of an A, be it EA or PA, (or at least she was), told me at BD that she hated me, didn't love me, etc., but almost immediately started being cordial, wanting to do things together, etc. At the same time though, she politely and with a smile on her face can rip my heart out with things she says. But she's not really ever hurtful.
She is very easy to love, and it's really difficult to let go. In some ways if I could confirm that the A is still happening, it would make things so much easier for me to just file D and move on.
Like last night, her inviting me to eat pizza with her, making root beer floats, and talking and laughing with me about D2. It's amazing that there's more in her head that she's not sharing. Last night was like old times in a way. Just simple, easy conversation between two spouses who love each other. And yet, she doesn't see anything wrong with being separated and saying she doesn't know about our future.
I suppose, sadly, my W is better at DB that I am, and it's frustrating.
