Pimouse, your getting good advice here. I'm sorry about your sitch.
I just want to mention the wedding ring. Don't focus on that. Mine threw his off the first day he dropped the bomb on us a month ago.
He told me he was NEVER coming back....but he is coming home Wed to try and work on things.
I believe my husbands crisis started after his mothers death. Mama's and their boys. It's different bond. Sometimes mom didn't show them enough love or mom smothered them in it. I'm trying my best to get it just right with my son. I don't want him to have a mid life crisis someday.
My H didn't have a close relationship with his mom. He had many unresolved issues when she passed. He has been fighting with it since.
Just had a thought and was wondering if you could get some advise. One of my H grievance was I didn't look after myself, for the last 3 months I have doing well with that. My wardrobe is getting bigger (at one point H has more clothes than me), and I do really look after myself. Now my question is as H hardly looks at me in the eyes, can he notice the physical changes as I reay can't read him! He's like a closed book! I don't do it for him because now I like myself more and I'm feeling happier with my physical appearances! Gone back to wear bright colours which has always been me. I know that part of R is also reattracting him, but do men notice these kind of changes? Sorry for sounding plain stupid.
Pimouse, my guess is yes, though he is likely not to say anything. There could be a numbers of reasons. He does not want to get your hopes up, maybe he feels you have not found him attractive recently, pride, who knows what. I have been taking better care of myself, dressing nicer, lost 30lbs, etc. I have received compliments almost daily from others, so I know my H has to have noticed as well. He has not said a single word. Just keep doing it for you. He will notice!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I think I'm having a small meltdown! If in his mind he doesn't want to give me hope, so wouldn't the best decision for him to file for divorce? I don't want to be plan B for him! I have done things the wrong way this weekend: from last post yesterday, then today he said he'll be late for an hour to pick up the girls as it was Father's Day. He wanted to bring them earlier but I said no as for me it meant that he was having less time with the girls. He brought them back and forgot to give coats, so rang him to see where he was and he said he'll drop them later to which I said no as I want them for school tomorrow. In fact I wanted to know if he was going to the OW! How pathetic I am! I don't want him to introduce her to my girls if he's back with her! I can say that I'm jealous that he might choose her over me and doesn't want the responsability of bringing up his kids. As I also want him back, but I don't want to feel the stabbing pain I have felt the last three months. I don't think I'll be able to bear another heartache, as I'm hoping that we might get back together! Why can't I have a clean break from all this, so I'll know where I stand, and have a clean fresh start without thinking: "shall I wait for him to come back?" When deep down he knows that it's over!
I think I'm having a small meltdown! If in his mind he doesn't want to give me hope, so wouldn't the best decision for him to file for divorce? I don't want to be plan B for him! I have done things the wrong way this weekend: from last post yesterday, then today he said he'll be late for an hour to pick up the girls as it was Father's Day. He wanted to bring them earlier but I said no as for me it meant that he was having less time with the girls. He brought them back and forgot to give coats, so rang him to see where he was and he said he'll drop them later to which I said no as I want them for school tomorrow. In fact I wanted to know if he was going to the OW! How pathetic I am! I don't want him to introduce her to my girls if he's back with her! I can say that I'm jealous that he might choose her over me and doesn't want the responsability of bringing up his kids. As I also want him back, but I don't want to feel the stabbing pain I have felt the last three months. I don't think I'll be able to bear another heartache, as I'm hoping that we might get back together! Why can't I have a clean break from all this, so I'll know where I stand, and have a clean fresh start without thinking: "shall I wait for him to come back?" When deep down he knows that it's over!
Pimouse,
You don't know it's over. You are in the blackest pit of hell right now as he comes and goes and leaves you to guess where he is headed. I know it hurts. What you don't know your mind makes up even worse stories for. He is going to do what he will and he is beyond your control. The only you can control is how much you let it hurt you.
That is why it is so important to detach. It's not a tactic for him. It's for YOU. If you can detach you won't hurt as much. You won't wonder as much. You will be free to work on yourself.
The side benefit is that as you pull away you may draw him back toward you. That does happen. I have seen it with my W. As I pull away she comes toward me. We just have to be CONSISTENT.
Good luck. God be with you. You are among friends and kindred souls here. You will emerge from this stronger. You CAN do it.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
Hi Pimouse. I havnt read through all your sitch but I will. Mum just responding to your last post. You can't move on because you can't just flip a switch and close your heart to him. You love him and that's not an on / off button.
Detachment takes work. Only you can do that work How about you start today ? Don't worry about what H is doing. If your mind starts to wonder , replace the thoughts with different ones. You might only get a few minutes but every time the thoughts of H return just replace them again and train your mind.
We all know what you are feeling and time and yourself are the only cures
I'd be interesting to have a chat with you but I'm not sure it'll be vis able as I'm based in the UK.
Pimouse,
We have many people call from the UK. The time difference is quite manageable. I'm in the office 3pm-11pm UK time on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Please call 303-444-7004 during those times so we can chat.
Regards, Cristy
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Hurt and wanting to cry is what I feel right now. I just want to throw the towel in. H came to look after girls while I was at yoga. As I didn't hear from him, I booked a babysitter. He wasn't pleased but I told him that last night he said he'd let me know & I assumed he couldn't make it. I found out by the girls that he didn't stay with them and went to do some stuff in the garage. When I asked him why he didn't spend time with his kids he said that he saw them yesterday! I also found out that he has a second phone. I'd like for him to nan up for once and fill for divorce! So I'll no longer be in a limbo! Am I being unreasonable ?
