I think of it as the difference between "moving on" and "moving forward".
You need to move forward with your life now. You need to GAL. You need to work on you.
This does not mean that you need to give up on reconciliation. But that's not going to happen tomorrow. Or next week. Or likely next month. So you need to move forward. You need to find ways to be OK without your M.
I was getting ready for work when H turned up home unannounced. He was only picking something up from the garage but he hardly spoke to me but I had butterfly when I saw him. I was happy before he came but this was better. Don't understand why I should be happy as he said it was over!
I'm finding detaching really hard, but I guess it's just early days.:-(
YES - PATIENCE.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I have bought the two books and just started to read DR. I'm hoping it will give me an indication of what I want for me if the marriage is really over. I guess one good thing is that even if I talked about divorce very soon after the bomb, so far none of us has filed for it, so I guess there might still be hope or he won't do it because he can't afford it at the moment. Last night he came round and discuss holidays. He said he can't take the kids away as he got no money, so he tought he could move back in for two weeks and stay in the separate room. Then I asked him if he could look after our dog while I go and visit my parents and he said he'll be gone by the time we are back. He said he didn't want to confuse the girls! How won't it confuse the kids if he moves back for 2 weeks? My feelings are he either moves back for good and we trying to salvage our marriage or he doesn't and he takes the kids out everyday. What should I do? I'm thinking of saying no for moving back in but will this not push him further away and give him the impression that I don't love him anymore?
Thank you cadet, now it's working I guess my computer was having a nervous breakdown:-)!. Would you considered these as small steps from H: he was running late to see the girls and texted me ( usually he turns up when he wants, but asked him not to do that as it's not convenient for me and I want to keep the girls in their routine) so i replied that I didn't mind but he needed to leave 30 min later as I was going out and had arranged for a sitter. At one point he got up and said I'm going and told him that I wasn't gone yet and he could stay a bit longer which he did! The other night he was talking to me about what he wants to do in the future (work wise) & I don't know what happened but on the way out I face him a kiss on the cheek and he didn't say nothing. I'm aware at the same time that he no longer wears his wedding ring and he told me that we we were pretty much over. So I'm getting confused. Tonight he has even accepted to finish work a bit early to take the girls out for a meal ( he has been promising it for the two times he came to see them), and when he gave me a time I said it was too late and he changed it. I know that his job is very important to him. Am I reading too much?
Don't understand what I'm doing wrong or am I too impatient? H came earlier to see girls but said he had to rush as he had a competition. 1st time I heard about it as he mentioned nothing yesterday! Hardly any eyes contact from him, did ask him how his day went but got short reply. Could it be that he is back with the OW? Could it be that it's REALLY over? If so why not asked for divorce and say I want it but can't afford it at the moment. He told me that he paid little less this week as he had to pay extra for his other daughter (from a previous relationship). He knows that I keep an eye on our joint account and he know that I'd have asked him ( I was a good girl but stopped myself asking him). I was weak and gave him another kiss, but he didn't move away nor forward! From what I can se he's enjoying his single life with his single friends! Why can't I seem to move on and to keep faith that we might have a chance to save our M?
