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Heather - this sort of thing is always nerve wracking, but you will be fine. Whatever happens the person you are has so much courage and so many resources.

Sending you warm wishes,

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Thanks Bea...

I'm strangely OK.

I know the community has appreciated my efforts, even if the company hasn't been sure.

Part of me is like, "Please fire me...I'm so tired." :-)

Another is finally beginning to see how I could balance this job with some other writing to really make a life for myself and D12.

Putting God in the center. Trusting Him.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Would they have me write a self-assessment if they were going to can me?


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Heather,
This assessment request is very typical in some companies. They want to see what you think of your overall assessment. I would sit down and thoroughly review everything that you have been assigned and what you've accomplished since being hired. Be honest, don't gloss over things and you should have a good assessment. This is about you and your accomplishments. Don't point out the flaws in the way that they've handled things...this is all about you.

I won't sugar coat this...but they if they are down sizing, they will review everything in the way of performance, salaries, production, etc. for all employees in all areas. Some employees who are near to retirement will opt to retire or receive a severance package and go. Others will be let go and may or may not receive severance packages depending upon what has been determined by upper management and the length of service in their company. So, yes, they can still let you go even if they are requesting the self assessment. They may review it and determine that you've not reached the potential that they were expecting.

No matter what transpires, you will be okay. You've grown throughout this process, but I would still have my resume ready and starting send it out to potential companies.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Just watched Amy Shumer on YouTube..."Last eff-able day"...only with the actual word. Not to offend anyone, but it's sorta how I feel today. The skit is about Julia L. Dr hitting the age where Hollywood doesn't consider her "sexy" anymore.

Feeling a bit old and obsolete today. Forester has disappeared into a hole again...

I think I will go take a walk.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Dear Heather - this is what happens when we depend on others to validate us. I did some work a couple of years back with a man who had a relationship with a lady he called his 'sizzlerina'

She was a lot older than me and he considered her totally glamorous and wonderful

You are much younger than me and I am certainly not old and obsolete!!

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Thanks Bea...yes, I've always been guilty of looking to others for my value. When I get quiet in myself, I feel my value now though.. More than ever.

Didn't help that we went through a bunch of family photos last weekend and I saw what I used to look like. This year has taken a toll with stress. My skin is in a constant breakout and I've gained weight, plus some grey hair. Plus, I'm so damned tired.

The pastor I met with said these are symptoms of my not doing what God wants for me. The job seems to deplete me more than energize me. I think this meeting at work is coming at a good time.

Why do I always find myself in situation s where I plod on like a good soldier despite the price I pay personally? Did the same thing in my marriage. D12 and I have been miserable, but I keep plodding along, doubting I could find so etching better.

D12 and I are so tired of each other.

I do what I think I SHOULD do.

Met with this artsy entrepreneur woman yesterday. She ain't rich, but I felt totally energized listening to her.

My life is very out of balance right now.

I need to right the ship.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Heather, looking at the old photos and realizing that you are not as young anymore is just a part of live, getting older. I feel the same way. I look at the mirror and see a different person from even 2 years ago. I think stress and a frequent drinking (I’ve parting a lot more) took some tall on me. Though I still get compliments on my looks and how much younger I look considering my age. I’m sure there is a right man for me out there, who will like me the way I am.

I wish you lot of luck at your assessment meeting next week. I think you will do just fine. Just keep your head high and be confident about what you’ve done for the company. You’ve done some great work there, so don’t let them make you feel any different. Nobody is perfect, and everybody makes some mistakes here and there. I think that you are amazing. I know that there are a lot of people on this site who think the same.

Just make sure you take some rest this weekend. Take care of yourself. One step at a time on everything else smile .


M:50
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S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Navigating the political minefields at work does take a toll. I know that this kind of stress starts to make you question everything to the point of paranoia. Job is right though that right now just being honest and focused is the best approach. You will be able to feel content that you walked the high road no matter what happens.

Sending good juju your way. Hang in there.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Thanks so much for the support.

I went for a two-mile hike, had some much-needed time away from D12 and have had an "awakening" about the meeting at work.

First off, D12 made some friends! Hallelujah, bring in the choir.
We don't have any girls her age in our neighborhood, but we DO have some three or four boys her age. I've been pushing her to try to and get to know them. She was busy in the garage yesterday and it started raining. The boys came into the garage for shelter and "BaBam!" ...friends :-) They ended up playing board games in the garage with two smaller boys who wondered in and the younger girl who lives down the street.

Now...as far as work...I see what the meeting is about now and I kinda want to tell em to go eat ...., but I won't. Office politics at its best. Listen to the story now...

There's this weanie editor. Big TIME WEANIE. Lives with his mother, the whole ba-bam. Anyway, he asked me out the first week or so I started working for the company. I thought it was business, but when he approached me and started talking "fancy restaurant" I realized it was more. I snipped that proposal in an instant. NOT gonna happen. He's been a bit aloof ever since. Happens to live in the area I cover and sees himself as the expert on this area. True, his family line goes way back in this sorta shid-hole, poverty-stricken town, but whatever.

He knows I'm on probation. I think he and the guy who has been mentoring me are sorta friends? I'm not sure. Still can't get a good read on this mentor. He may be a weanie too. Well, there was an event last week and the Weanie number one wanted photos for his magazine. Turns out he had to pick his mother up from the airport.

I was asked if I was going, I said "Yep."

So, I go and I take about a million pics. I made one phone call before I left to big Weanie to ask if there was anything special he wanted. But, I didn't go out of my way. The word around town is that Big Weanie doesn't like going to events, who does?...and I didn't want to set a precedent where I'm doing his shid. He seems like a real schmoozy type...always standing around the pretty girls in the office...but, I think he is well-liked among some of the senior staff...remember, I'm in an newspaper and it's a good-ol' boys club to the enth-degree.

So, I took the photos. My photos weren't all that great because I have a lousy camera and the lighting was terrible. Another woman was there who had a better camera and I ended up using her submitted photo for my front page. The mentoring editor questioned this and asked why a submitted photo...read between the lines, "Did you go to the event?" Kinda pi$$ed me off, but whatever. Told him the truth. I have tons of photos, but mine are orange. Then, I made sure to use a couple of the better ones on the inside pages.

Thursday or Friday, I get this email from Big W. He asks for the photos in a not very nice way and he CC's the mentoring editor. This really pi$$es me off. I'm doing a favor for HIM. He asks with an attitude and...there are about a million other ways he could have reached out to me...

So, I go through the 15-20 or so pics and I explain in a return email how some of mine weren't so great and why the cover photo was from someone else, but here's what I have. He responds and must not have read the last part with an even harsher tone with a note about how photoshop will take out the crap in my photos...all CC to mentor.

I send each photo separately with a CC to mentor editor. At the end, I add one sentence...I don't have photoshop. :-)

I've painstakingly put out 40? editions now. Forty. I still haven't been hired. They can bite my a$$.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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