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Originally Posted By: mahhhty
That sounds like a positive situation with your H in MC.

Whats going on with your Mom and Brothers?



Mahhhty ,

Yes the counselling was very good.
My family does not want me to get back together with my husband.
They are negative and critical about everything I do. I don't do enough for my children, I do too much for my children. My mother has told me time and time again that I'm a terrible mother. They think I put my husband before my kids. They are miserable and want me to be miserable just like them. It's been a power struggle all my life. It also negatively affected my relationship with my H. He was always considered an outsider, not good enough for them. I know that really bothered him.
My body finally said enough too. Stress aggravates my disease and I have a lot of stress from everywhere. I can't please everyone all the time. Now I need to think of myself. My H makes me happy. He is my family! Yes I love my children too, but they are adults and need to take care of themselves.
For now I walk a tightrope and keep things to myself. I have a few months to get this house ready and then sell it. I know when I finally tell my family that I want to move away with my H and start a fresh life, all he'll is going to break loose. I know I will loose all contact with my mother and brothers for a while, but that is what I will have to do for me.


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

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Bob,

I will check in on your post today.
Thanks for stopping by.

I spoke to H about some of the things that I need him to do to rebuild trust. One is calling when he says he will. It only takes a minute to check in. He can at least do that. He has agreed that since that is important to me that he will do that from now on.

Every couple of days we check in and talk about us for 20 minutes. We can agree to disagree if we can't find resolutions, but at the end of the talk we leave it there. We spend time cooking together and laughing together. We have our spark back, but I know it's a long road ahead of us still. smile


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

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What a busy few days. I cleaned up more if the house. Loaded up a trailer of garbage and need to do a dump run. I had a garage sale on Sunday and will have another one again this weekend. Had 4 cats and a dog microchipped and vaccinated against rabies. Very, very busy.

Now to the best part. My H was Sick with a high fever since Saturday. I've been taking care of him since Sunday afternoon and finally convinced him to go to the hospital last night. He has a strep throat infection that can get quite serious if untreated. He is on penicillin now and should be fine within a few days. Now if anyone has been following my situation you would know that my husband left me while I was going through a health crisis. Over the past few days he has apologized perfusely about not being there for me. I'm glad he now sees that when you are in a partnership that caring for each other through sickness and in health is vital. I'm glad he is ok as I was truly concerned for his well being, but am happy he has seen the light when it comes to this particular aspect of our relationship. God truly does work in mysterious ways. smile


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

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Well, that didn't work out so well. My H had an allergic reaction to the penicillin and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. I made it there shortly after...at 5:30 am. Spent 5 hours there with him getting pumped full of fluids, antihistamines and antibiotics. He was pretty groggy and delirious for most of the day. Took him to his house and tucked him in. Made sure all his medications were in order. Got home around 10 pm and was just exhausted.

Not sure what is the matter with me today. Pretty much spent the last 4 days straight with my H, yet I feel empty. I did what every loving wife would do, I took care of my husband in his time of need. Yet He did not do the same for me. He knows that he should have and he knows he has to go and figure out why he could not be there for me. I don't know If he will ever make it up to me.

He is never coming home and things will never be the same. He is moving away and the only way I will be with him again is if I sell my house, leave my job, move my kids out and get rid of most of my animals and then move to be here with him. Does that seem a bit one sided? It sure feels that way today. I think next week I will talk to my counsellor about it and also bring it up in MC.


Di-mond in the rough
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Diana,
That is totally one sided. I would be interested in hearing what the IC says.

As for your family, have you ever sternly told them your position (in an attempt to get them to be more supportive)? I had to do something similar, and from that point forward my family has been really supportive.


Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2
M - 8/2008
W is not happy - 1/2014
W wants D - 9/2014
W moved out - 11/2014
D filed - 1/23/2015
D'ed - 2/25/2015
Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
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Hi mahhhty,

I have an appointment with my IC on Monday and will see if we can address it.
I do wish to change my life, but all of it all at once is quite overwhelming for me, especially since I have to trust him to be here for me. I still can't say 100% that he will be.

My family...well..they are what they are. My children know that I want to be wih my husband. Surprisingly, my son completely understands. He and my H never really got along, yet he supports me the most. My son has been dating a girl for the past 2 years that was his first girlfriend when he was 16. The breakup was horrible. Many years later in college they re-kindled their relationship, against everyone's wishes. So I guess he gets it. Lol! My daughter hates my H. They were very close and she feels betrayed by him. I hope one day they can be close again. My mother knows I've been seeing my H again. She doesn't like it, but every time she says something negative I shut her out, so now she rarely talks about him. Would my family support me knowing that I want to move away. I doubt it. Somehow, someway my family has always had a hold over me. They will not like loosing that hold. I actually think that "Codependant no more" will be in my near reading future.


Di-mond in the rough
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T 5 M 4
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If you decided to move away, would you be leaving behind everyone (kids, mother and brothers)?

I would imagine it would be difficult to leave your kids behind. Or is it closer to where they are?


Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2
M - 8/2008
W is not happy - 1/2014
W wants D - 9/2014
W moved out - 11/2014
D filed - 1/23/2015
D'ed - 2/25/2015
Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 374
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If I move to where he is going it's about a 2 hour drive from where we are now. My son would definately stay here because of his job and his girlfriend. My daughter I don't know. She needs to get out on her own and live her life. As of right now, she doesn't work, she doesn't go to school, all she does is play video games and watch videos and movies on her computer all day and night. She does not contribute financially and rarely helps around the house. For my own sanity and physical well being she needs to not live with me and if she does stay with me things have to change drastically. My H has already said he will not live with her again. My kids and my family were a huge reason as to why my H left. I enabled all of them, always doing everything for everyone. Even my illness didn't put a stop to it. I get that I have to cut the umbilical cord, for them and for me. My H said he has been telling me for years to do this because he saw I was suffering. I wouldn't listen. I actually did listen, but didn't know what to do about it. It seemed like no one was willing to help me. I was working 50 hours a week in a very physically demanding job, looking after all of the house and chores, battling my illness taking up to 17 pills a day, then low dose chemo for a few months. I didn't have the energy to fight with anyone, including my kids and family. These next few months are do or die time for my daughter. She needs to get off her ass and do something.


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
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Yikes. There is a lot of strength shown in doing whatever it takes. However, I think you are right now, your D needs to live her life. It is the only one she will get.

Maybe take her to a TEDx talk in your area. Perhaps listening to very motivated people for an entire day will snap her out of her funk.


Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2
M - 8/2008
W is not happy - 1/2014
W wants D - 9/2014
W moved out - 11/2014
D filed - 1/23/2015
D'ed - 2/25/2015
Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
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Hello Dear Diana,

I’ve been very busy and haven’t been on the DB Forum much at all for a few days, so I just wanted to stop by and say "Hello!" and let you know that I haven't forgotten about you.

I came across this verse today. I found it comforting, and maybe you will, too.

“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:17).

{{{{Diana}}}}

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
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