The book of Lou - Chapter 3

[beatrice]

I have found dealing with MLC behaviour - 'if in doubt - Don't'

It was your husband who left the marriage and only he can solve his issues. It takes a very long time to fully recognise and then disengage from our earnest desire to help them out - probably because in many emotional areas of our married life we were the emotional Fixer, if not the practical one too.

And so not forget, for many practical purposes, so many of those in MLC display traits that tick most of the boxes for sociopath. If his voice drew you in he probably meant it to.

It is good that you are talking, and this could be a genuine attempt start reconnecting - he doesn't sound a total basket case, but it could be a touch and go.

I would suggest you leave the ball in his court, and make that pleasantly clear. If he wants to talk you can be there, but for heavens sake do not go after him.

[LouR]

Thanks for the advice Bea,

There was something that held me back from sending the email. I have not initiated contact since last October so to come this far and fall now would make me disappointed with myself - I know I would regret it as soon as I contacted him.

One thing is for sure - I am not ready for him to mess with my head and remain cool; just look at the spin I am in with just a phone call!

I know it's a process, its speed bumps that I have to negotiate as safely as possible to keep me intact.

I am still GAL - I finish work at 10pm Saturday and then going to a party (new work friend), my sx18 is sober driver for his friends that night so is going to pick me up so I can have a few drinks. Its the first thing I have been too since coming back to NZ so I am looking forward to it (albeit a bit late for me - I have impressed sx18 though ha ha).

Thanks for keeping me on track -

[123Gwen]

Lou- you are doing so well. H may be coming around at a snail's pace but listen to your inner voice. That is your best advisor and if that voice says to wait then listen. You are absolutely right in your thinking that if one phone call gets you off kilter it is best to wait. He treated you terribly and you have every reason to be cautious. Make every decision from a place of strength and you'll be on the right road.

Have fun Saturday. My daughters would be impressed if I started my night out at 10 too! Good for you my friend.

[LouR]

Thank you Gwen, you are such a good friend - everyone here is; I am so blessed to have stumbled upon this site.

Crazy times huh!! He said jump and I thought "how high" instead of "nope" Ah well, I have learnt the lesson and will know for future conversations ..... thank goodness I did not send that email, it would have been terrible.

I finished my last training shift today, so now I have learnt all the tasks for the all the shifts - back to my own shift tomorrow. Its hard work and really disgusting at times but its a job and I am lucky to have got it as there are so many people looking for work here.

I am signing up for another college course next week - It's going to be a challenge to complete it as it's a yr course and I only have 6 months left, I don't want to be a cleaner for the rest of my life and moaning about it won't change anything so I have to be proactive. This course wont get me work but it will get me on to the next course which is one that I will need to go to college for - a big step for me.

I dont know what I want to study yet but know that it's the only way forward career wise.

Party time tomorrow - I only know the party girl so its a new experience for me - going to something on my own where I don't know anyone (I survived NYE so sure I can do this). Its the only way I am going to GASL and meet new people outside work.

Thanks for all your support and advice to get me through the latest hurdle with h. Onwards and Forwards

[BrightFuture]

I agree with Bea. Let him initiate and keep a contact with you.

Enjoy yourself at the party! It is so nice of your S18 to promise to pick you up.

I have relatives in NZ, who are coming to visit with me next week. One day I will be going to visit them. I’ve been to Australia, but I haven’t been to NZ yet. Looking forward to it!

[job]

Happy Birthday!

I do hope that you have some special plans for your special day!

[LouR]

Thank you Bright - I hope you manage a visit to NZ one day, it really is a lovely country, so diverse and beautiful.

So the game continues –

I had a great night Saturday, I went to the party after work and ended up being kidnapped lol; bundled into a car with 3 women from the party that I did not know and went into town; we went to see a band and then dancing until 3am – was hilarious. S18 picked me up and found it all highly amusing. Now if you knew the meek me from pre bd you would understand how brave this was for me to do - I have changed so much - my UK peeps did a great job restoring the old me :o)

Today is my b/day. H tm this afternoon (really did not expect it), just a b/day greeting and hoping I was having a nice day. So I tm him back, and then the tm went back and forth, keeping it light and silly.

I went to make a cuppa and spoke to sx18, told him I was tm with his dad –

S: that’s just weird, he so wants you back
Me: why do you think that?
S: because it’s not normal for someone to want a divorce and then keep asking us (sx2) about you and contacting you
Me: that’s true I suppose.
S: Can you ask him if it’s still ok for me to visit and tell him I am staying with sx21 because then he does not have to worry about her kids being there, plus I don’t really want to stay with her
Me: ask him yourself
S: I forgot to ask him yesterday
Me: You spoke yesterday?
S: Yeah, he tm me to remind me it’s your b/day, he also reminded me about m/day too, like I said, he cares about you.

Ok – well that I did not expect. It’s like a covert operation has been going on under the radar, intel swopped between h and sx2 – Hilarious – I really should do something worth reporting back with ha ha ha

The tm continued a while longer, we sorted out who was paying for sx18 visit – looks like half each - and then I wished him a good first day at work for tomorrow and speak again soon, h tm back saying: thanks and will do.

Now I have my head a little more settled with h and this contact malarkey, atm I am feeling ok; actually having some fun with him as I don’t have the pressure of it being anything else, he was a bit cheeky in his tm’s so I responded the same - our history of knowing each other coming in to play.

On a different topic – I actually have stuff on for the next two weeks of days off, the GAL is starting to pick up. Travel fund had an ickle deposit from what I have saved over May and today is Cake day as it’s my b/day and just because I can! I am planning a daytrip to see s21 soon as I have not seen him for 6 months. My godmother has contacted me to say she will be in NZ in July, that’s really exciting as I have not seen her in years and I am going to see a girlfriend for a couple of days before she moves to the South Island.

On the 7th June it will be a year since h left – I looked back over my journal entries from that time and it seems so surreal, it’s a bit like labour – you know it was incredibly painful but the memory of the intensity has dulled over time. I look at all I have done, the places I have been, what I have achieved and who I have become and know that I am going to be ok –

There are no bad decisions, only lessons.

Stay strong my friends, thank you for being here for me – I get the feeling my next chapter is going to be even more eventful than the last ……….

[BrightFuture]

LouR, happy Birthday, my fellow Gemini!

You sound good! All these upcoming GAL sounds fantastic!

About your tm conversation with H… Yes, you DO have history together. There is nothing in the world that can replace that. Not a new, younger, shiny ow. All these “new” feelings are going to wear out (and it seems that it is actually happening to your H), but the history and the bond of the family will remain. It seems like your H is starting to recognize that. In a twisted way, it is good that he already had this ow experience. My H is still looking for that new, shiny woman, so who knows how long it will take him to realize what he left.

I like your analogy about the labor. It is so true.

Hey, and good job on keeping your head cool during the tm conversation!

[beatrice]

Happy bday Lou - you are doing do well!

[123Gwen]

Lou- so sorry I missed your birthday. Sounds like you have embraced being another year older and another year wiser. Glad you had such a fun time with new friends last weekend.

I must admit I think of you often because you keep looking at your situation in the most positive way. You have the gift of optimism. I know it is a blessing but I also imagine that sometimes it must feel like a burden. Looking at the world with hope takes a lot of energy and when we have been treated poorly we keep second guessing our entire outlook on things. Just know you are on the right track and H may catch up to you but, no matter what, you are going to be fine.