DifRent's Journey - 27 days in, thread 2

[DifRent]

Yes. In their minds, they have a whole new life planned out. She is soooo insensitive. I asked my son tonight, "have I missed this our whole relationship? Or is this new and crazy behavior?" He says he never saw it, either. That's my hope right now. That's she's temporarily insane.

[Bob723]

Yes. In their minds, they have a whole new life planned out. She is soooo insensitive. I asked my son tonight, "have I missed this our whole relationship? Or is this new and crazy behavior?" He says he never saw it, either. That's my hope right now. That's she's temporarily insane.

Hello DifRent,

Wow, I can feel your pain. I have been looking in on your situation every now and then, and have finally caught up. You're right, they have a whole new life planned out. What they don't realize is that they are really running from themselves.

I will dedicate a prayer to you right after I submit this post.

Hang tough...I know you can make it thru this.

Bob

[MadMax]

Hey DifRent -

I can relate to the Alien takeover of your W. My WW is just as whacky. Occasionally my W makes an appearance but it doesn't last long.

The WW has strong emotional motivation to continue down her path. The only thing you can do it let her go. I would not run her errands or take work off her plate that may be categorized as weak.

Tough love is tough but Sandi2 has great perspective on this in her threads. The response you got from not being available for a short period should confirm why you should be more unavailable.

Glad to see your no longer sharing a bed! Keep it up, it does get easier.

[DifRent]

Bob, thanks for your prayers. I need them.

She came home late enough last night that I'm pretty sure they slept together for the first time. It's a sickening feeling this morning. W has been working overtime to find a new house for OW, since hers sold so quickly... so it's not really "work." It's part of the plan they are mapping out for their future.

I am also realizing, with an increasing sense of dread, that this OW has financial resources that I do not have and will never have. Financial stability is very important to my W, and I can see her plowing ahead with this relationship fullsteam in spite of everything that is wrong with it, just for that benefit.

With that, I cannot compete, no matter how much I improve myself.

Some very dark days here. Thanks for all the support.

[Matt777]

I really don't have much to add. It's been easier on me lately to just assume that my W is having but we've been living apart for over a month. With such limited contact right now, it's not as difficult to live my life as I want to.

Wishing you strength enough to realize what you can't control. A lot of the worry and trouble you have up ^^^ is totally out of your hands. I'm sure some vets will be able to give better advice than I can. But keep your chin up and really take this time for self-reflection and self- improvement.

[MadMax]

As long as your worried about what she's doing your not focused on what you should be doing.

This is not a competition my friend. This is your moment in the sun, so shine.

Baby steps...backslide...baby steps. I know this dance well.

You got this!

[DifRent]

Thanks guys. If we were living apart, it would be easier. But for now, it's very challenging. I am sitting on the front porch and she just came out with her coffee whistling and on her dopamine high, saying good morning, asking me what I did last night. It's really, really hard to stomach this... we've had so many cups of coffee out here over the years, and not once did she have to ask me what I had done the night before.

I'll get through this. It's just so hard, and I'm having a really hard time even imagining reconciliation at this point. (I know I'm preaching to the choir...)

[Matt777]

Thanks guys. If we were living apart, it would be easier. But for now, it's very challenging. I am sitting on the front porch and she just came out with her coffee whistling and on her dopamine high, saying good morning, asking me what I did last night. It's really, really hard to stomach this... we've had so many cups of coffee out here over the years, and not once did she have to ask me what I had done the night before.

I'll get through this. It's just so hard, and I'm having a really hard time even imagining reconciliation at this point. (I know I'm preaching to the choir...)

Preach on! Just remember that you don't have to picture it right now. She doesn't want to R right now, so there's nothing to picture. In either case, whether you at or not, the steps are the same. Set your boundaries to protect yourself then carry on with what you know you need to do. You can do it!

[MadMax]

Dif -

Those little moments really caused me to backslide. The moments that always came so easy in the past served as comfort to me during the dark days of this journey.

I thought if I allowed those moments to happen, like they had naturally for years, that she would see the light and come back.

The problem is my WW no longer looked at me the same way and it was just a trap to keep me close enough for her to be friends.

I'm not suggesting you be cold or rude but its time you set some basic boundaries for yourself. If she joins you for a cup of coffee on the porch, simply excuse yourself.

Imaging reconciliation is an expectation so its good that your letting it go.

Find your happy place and go there often.

[PigPen]

It's always darkest before the dawn Dif. As cliche as it sounds, people haven't been saying it for decades because it's not true.

Your W may find solace in the financial aspects of the OW, but that will be short lived. Think big picture no matter how big that is and scary to imagine.

Please take good care of yourself this weekend and I agree with Max, find your happy place and do whatever it takes to spend some time there.