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She REALLY did, Matt.


Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
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My W hasn't said anything like that, but it certainly does feel like an alien is controlling her brain sometimes. So I like to think I'm letting an alien take over my brain too. 180s all over the place - I'm trying to keep W off balance by making personal changes. Of course, my alien is super rational and is trying to HELP me.


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
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Mine too. Until I can't help but text things like that to her.

The thing is, I know the OW. I KNOW she isn't right for her in a million ways, except one, maybe two. One is temporary... she is completely stoking an ego that can't stand not to be stoked, and that an "old hat" like me simply cannot stoke. That will wear off in a few months. But...

She's completely financially stable, and if that's what my W is looking for because the lack of quick enough progress in our business precipitated all this, she will overlook the old, lonely, even dare I say ugly, needy woman who saw an opportunity to take advantage of a younger, vulnerable woman. My W will overlook the dirty house (she's her realtor, she knows EXACTLY how dirty it is), the many pets (she hates animals), the constant smothering plans... etc, etc. Honestly, I could lose her to a bank account.

And if I do? She wasn't ever right for me anyway. Who wants a partner with such a lack of depth?

But still... I never knew this would really be her. I don't believe this IS her.

One of her complaints is that I had "let myself go." Well... since the BD just under a month ago, I have dropped 20 of the 30 pounds I needed to lose (from a diet of green smoothies and wine, about all I can handle, and a renewed commitment to the gym), and she sure has noticed. It was clear today when she was looking at me. It's impossible not to. It was a good point, to be honest. I'm a health coach, for godsakes. I should never have gotten so complacent.

I need to get the other stuff in order, of course. But it's still a very long haul. I miss my W, but to be honest, I don't know where she is right now. This woman? She is someone else entirely.


Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
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Posts: 7,319
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Originally Posted By: DifRent
HAHA, Wonka! As for me, I gave in! Couldn't help it. I texted her, "Nope, no leftovers here. Maybe you can bring me back something." And she actually wrote back, "I'm sorry, I'll be late... can you order a pizza?"


Nooo...I am like OMG at YOU! Did you really say that?? Hoping W would bring back something for you? Goodness gracious.

I wouldn't be that lonely and needy person. I'd be like...m'k, I am off and will take are of myself.

C'mon...you are not a 12-year old kid. You are a strong and independent woman who can forage for her own food.

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I recall when my W was in the twilight of the A I got this: "My therapist told me that I am just so far ahead of you in all this, I have ended the M, healed and moved on with my life and it just will take you some time"

That was a goldie moment....lol


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Pretty sure it was a passive-aggressive joke Wonka. Maybe WW thought she was joking back...?

Cali - on BD, my wife kept saying that we were both unhappy and that Id be "so much happier without her". So I showed her yesterday at MC how happy I can be without her. You should have heard her choke on "this is what I said would happen. I'm happy for you."


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
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Posts: 2,523
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Originally Posted By: Matt777
Pretty sure it was a passive-aggressive joke Wonka. Maybe WW thought she was joking back...?

Cali - on BD, my wife kept saying that we were both unhappy and that Id be "so much happier without her". So I showed her yesterday at MC how happy I can be without her. You should have heard her choke on "this is what I said would happen. I'm happy for you."


Oh I have had a few of these 'gems' ... its amazing how insensitive they are during the whole thing ... I am not at the point I can bring these up ... more than half the stuff she does not recall... but yeah I think in their minds they have it all worked out then slowly the house starts to crumble.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Noooo, Wonka. It was a joke. A bad one, but a joke. I didn't want her to bring anything back. In fact, I thought it would be patently obvious I wouldn't want her to because I can and always have taken care of myself. I wrote back that I was joking, and that her leftover comment... and also her pizza comment... was the epitome of the cold heart she claimed not to have.

Not that I should have engaged her. But trust me... no. NOT that needy. I was egging her on...


Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 541
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 541
Gotta love those therapists...


Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 541
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 541
Yes, Matt... passive aggressive joke on my part. Ill-advised. My partner? It wasn't a joke back. She's too literal.

I am still learning the "I'd be happier without you" approach. Right now, I'm miserable with her, and miserable without her. Unless I'm with someone else. Had drinks with a good friend this evening, watching TV tonight with my son. Since she'll be "late," I guess we'll address the pizza comments tomorrow. (I had half a sandwich. Not eating much these days.)


Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
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