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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2572602&#Post2572602

Today all the mile stones have been passed. It was our anniversary today but not a peep from H. No expectations right especially after the email yesterday, telling me when I next court date is for D.

Moving on, letting go! How my heart still hurts so much!


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Originally Posted By: Smothy
anniversary today but not a peep from H. No expectations right especially after the email yesterday, telling me when I next court date is for D.

Moving on, letting go! How my heart still hurts so much!


Hi Smothy

Feel for you pal, I really do. My Anniversary is in July. Not looking forward to it at all.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Originally Posted By: Pyrite
Thanks Smothy smile You are a sweetheart.

i'm flat, numb. nothing to say. nothing to ask.

just going through the motions.
I think i am just tired, over it. i have been going at this at a million miles an hour. i feel like i am at the end.

i was frantic holding the rope like i was falling off a bridge, or into a canyon. In the beginning my W was holding the other end of the rope and i saw BD as the first cut into the rope and the first few months as the rope fraying further because of the cut.

Then I realised that she wasn't holding the rope at all. The rope was tied onto a branch or rock or girder. But it was still fraying. I realised that I HAD needed her to hold on to the rope. But she doesn't need or want that.

Time will heal you in the sense that the rope will eventually fray all the way through regardless. But I let go. I am/was falling towards the ground in slow motion. numb. in free fall. sometimes I feel like I have hit the ground, or a less gruesome picture is that I was standing and held a rope, dropping it to the ground and it fell in slow motion.

The rope hit the ground, and now i am staring at it. The still picture IS/MAY still be in slow motion. Regardless, it is unchanging. I am just waiting for something to happen. My life to start again.

make sense?


there have been significant logistical things going on, and emotionally these should be more of a big deal than I am feeling. i will post about this later. maybe even start a new thread.


Hi Pyrite, I am feeling like you, realising that I am the only one holding onto the rope. Time to let go. Even if we are both holding the rope is frayed and will break eventually. That is how I am feeling today.

Had a little hope that maybe H will contact. How silly of me. I need to stop loving someone who gave up so,easily on us. Let the rope go!

I don't see it in slow motion but something swift with no turning back. I know as soon as I do this I will be done, that's why I am finding detachment so difficult.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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((((Smothy))))
Tomorrow is a new day. PMA. Smothy-centric MA.
-Py

NDY - we separated on anniversary. W thought it was amusing, funny, something we could laugh at together. Saw her again today. She's so happy. She's living the dream. Thanks.


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
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Woke up,this morning feeling rested and ready to move on, tonight a different matter. All the Why questions going around in my head.

I want to cry but can not release the hurt and pain. Why can I not do this, I know he has moved on, why can't I?


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Hi Pyrite

It won't be funny when Mr Ukraine gets binned out of Oz and she's looking silly. Then it'll be your turn to laugh.

Hi Smoothy

My anniversary in August, so a way to go yet. I'm having a bit of a slide back today (I'll explain on my own thread) - it's OK. You're human. You've been together a long time. He's got a big part to play in your split. You'll recover stronger because of what's going on now to make somebody an even better W!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Huddy,

i can almost guarantee W will be dumped when VISA is turned down or she has done her job in providing the "relationship with a citizen", to get him permanent residency.

BUT I can almost guarantee that I won't cross her mind then (in the light i would want to anyway) and my laughter will be hollow. At any rate the "karma" she will suffer (do i want to punish her anyway?) will not be worse than mine is now anyway. She will grieve for a ~2 year R with no kids that has broken up. Piece of cake in comparrisson to what I have lost!

There is a chance that everything will come back to haunt her. Given that she has blocked everything out now, and re-written history to avoid taking responsibility for how her actions have/are affecting the WHOLE family, I dout this'll happen.

Besides, this will be in 2-3 years. I could even be re-M by then who knows. Seems very unlikely that I will ever be in another R right now but ....... Almost guaranteed that I won't care about s**t in her life at all.


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
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EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
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Originally Posted By: Smothy
I don't see it in slow motion but something swift with no turning back. I know as soon as I do this I will be done, that's why I am finding detachment so difficult.


you THINK you know. I felt this way. some times it is true and she is severed completely. sometimes the pain is back in full swing. sometimes she is just a dull pain.

if you were to plot your detachment vs your pain they would mirror each other. i.e. as one goes up the other goes down. While there are certain points at which the slope of the curves increases/decreases dramatically, I dont think there are any "steps". On a weekly scale lets say the curve is always smooth and gradual.

At BD, and shortly thereafter detachment sits on zero, and pain is at a maximum. In the first few months the curves start increasing/decreasing but fluctuate wildly on an hourly scale. This scale of fluctuations smooths out.

i know what you mean about not being able to cry. i feel guilty that i can't. i think i am all cried out. subconsciously i am in survival mode. consciously i am pretty much trying to get to the same place - being detached.

i am generally pretty good at it. Until I am face to face with her and I just go berserk in my head. she might not be doing it deliberately but she is rubbing m face in it big time.


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
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Feel ok, but numb today. Pain and detachment goes hand in hand.

Saw he deleted to trash, a Happy Anniversary, spam in our household internet account. No other mail touched. As expected no word from him. I know this is a good thing. So hard to have NO expectations.

Shall I let H apply for the financial Order, now we have a date for the decree nisi. I don't want to make it easy for him and as DB coach said not speed things. However, part of me knows that if I apply, we can be formally divorced by the time I move to my new job abroad. A good time for a new chapter/ beginning perhaps?


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
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He's making a point Smoothy - relax about it. Wait until he sees you in the flesh.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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