I was BLOWN AWAY at how stable I was able to be in the face of my wife's deceit, simply because I HAD INTEL TO SHOW ME OTHERWISE. This can't be overemphasized.
Originally Posted By: Defacto
I'm with Starsky on utilizing intel to validate and confirm the appropriate DB strategy.
Starsky and Defacto, can you elaborate here? What intel do I need? Early on, I snooped on W's phone and constantly looked at the phone bill to see when she was texting or talking to OM. I had to stop this for my own sanity and well-being. Are you suggesting I need to verify the existence of OM again and base my DB strategy on what I find?
Me: 34 W: 30 Together: 11 years Married: 4 years BD: 4/2014 A Discovered: 5/2014 WW Filed: 7/2014 Separated: 8/2014 Divorced: 10/2015
I was watching MWD videos on youtube and found one called "Love is Contagious". She talked about a study that came out years ago that said "divorce is contagious".
So the idea is that if you hang out with people who are getting a divorce, it's likely to trigger in you your negative feelings about your own marriage and you'll get a divorce too.
She also mentioned that the opposite it true, LOVE is contagious and if you hang out with people who are deeply in love and have strong marriages, that spirit will rub off on you in a positive way and be good for your marriage.
I find this interesting in my sitch, because my W seems to only associate now with divorcing or divorced friends and keeps those that disagree with divorce at arms length. I guess this is common behavior for WW's. Anyone have any experience with this?
Me: 34 W: 30 Together: 11 years Married: 4 years BD: 4/2014 A Discovered: 5/2014 WW Filed: 7/2014 Separated: 8/2014 Divorced: 10/2015
I find this interesting in my sitch, because my W seems to only associate now with divorcing or divorced friends and keeps those that disagree with divorce at arms length. I guess this is common behavior for WW's. Anyone have any experience with this?
Yep.
In every crumbling marriage I've seen there seems to be a "landscape" consisting of divorcing/divorced "friends", usually an OP and very often financial rubble.
These "friends", from what I can gather, tend to disappear without a trace once things settle down.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
In every crumbling marriage I've seen there seems to be a "landscape" consisting of divorcing/divorced "friends", usually an OP and very often financial rubble.
These "friends", from what I can gather, tend to disappear without a trace once things settle down.
GH31
I really hope those friends just disappear, even if my W doesn't come back, I despise them so much. Two of my W's new friends, which are close to OM, both help her with info about OM and his GF. These two individuals are both M to other people and sleeping with each other.
When W told me about their situation a while back even she admitted it was messed up. But at least it was somewhat "better" because one of the two is going through a D. Yet still living with his W.
It makes me even more angry the woman is married to a man in the military who is stationed in another state. No clue if he knows whats going on.
So far from the people my W would hang out with before this. W even disowned her own sister for working as a bartender at a strip club, just the bartender. The reasoning was she was a "bad influence" around our D4. The irony of it all.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Yeah, pretty common. While wife is WW, she will drop people from her life that supported the M and you and only associate with new people who know nothing about you and only the story she tells. It's an addiction and she needs to surround herself with people who don't judge her and support her through her bad decisions.
Those friends who have gone through D and/or don't know you will only see her as unhappy and the fastest way to happiness is dropping you and moving on.
This is NOT the case and NOT logical, but logic and reason don't work with her right now. Again, she is not herself or who she was. She is an addict who needs her fix and will only be around the crowd that supports it until she hits rock bottom, if ever.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Starsky and Defacto, can you elaborate here? What intel do I need? Early on, I snooped on W's phone and constantly looked at the phone bill to see when she was texting or talking to OM. I had to stop this for my own sanity and well-being. Are you suggesting I need to verify the existence of OM again and base my DB strategy on what I find?
I understand your dilemma. I agree that constantly checking phone records, etc is tough on the LBS. What I've done is sporadically check, especially if there was something WW did or said that hints at possibile end of A. If you have nothing that leads you to believe that, don't look because you know what you'll find.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
One of my good friends got D'ed, 3 yrs ago. I believe a lot of the things he said resonated with my X. Perhaps helping her to come to her decision.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
