Don't Look Back 1

[Underdog]

Sunny,

Just got to say that you have got to be the winner in the GAL category, along with learning new ways to communicate. It's important to pay attention to what works and what doesn't.

BTW, Mr. Wonderful can't deal with a delayed list of things either. Like your H, he only addresses the first one and then he's tuned out. He was like this before as well. I think it goes to the multi tasking thing?

I try to ask for one thing, and it usually works better for me to text. Unless it's a bigger thing, which I usually address via phone. Anyway, just want to pat you on the back.

Paddleboating sounds awesome. I'm hoping to do a little of that when D18 and I fly home next month. They rent out paddle boats in the tidal basin, and I think it sounds fun. Unless it's 95 with 90 percent humidity. Then I think we'll do something indoors. With A/C blasting.

Take care-
Betsey

[Sotto]

Hi Sunny, I haven't posted for a while, but I do read your updates, and I think you are doing so well. Your sitch has some similarities to mine in terms of timescale and the stage things are at.

It's good to read that you have limited interest in what H is up to - only in parenting stuff - and that you are experimenting with what works best rather than just getting frustrated and blaming him or yourself.

Good for you with the great GAL activities. I'm keeping pretty busy just now and it helps for sure.

Take care, Toots xx

[SunnyB]

Just got to say that you have got to be the winner in the GAL category, along with learning new ways to communicate.

Why, thank you, Bets! These are things I have wanted to try for a long time, but felt inadequate because H told me I was. Now I don't listen to him anymore. Ha!

Unless it's 95 with 90 percent humidity. Then I think we'll do something indoors.

Well, that's sort of a typical day in Miami, so......

Hi Sunny, I haven't posted for a while, but I do read your updates, and I think you are doing so well.

Thanks, Toots, I'm so glad you stopped by and posted. I just have so little to say these days that my thread often drifts many pages back. I suppose that's a good thing, but this board has been such a source of support and inspiration to me that I still check often. Glad to know others are reading.

[jim0987]

You really sound like you have things under control and as others have said its really good that you dont have much interest in your H's dating habits.

Paddleboarding would be great but somehow i suspect it will lose some of the appeal in the drizzle of the UK.

[Maybell]

Sunny I think we'd be good friends IRL.

[SunnyB]

Sunny I think we'd be good friends IRL.

I think so too, MB. You need a vacation to Miami, don't you think?

I have always loved having guys as friends, in college and as a young professional, most of my good friends were male. After we all got M and especially after having kids I felt like that wasn't really an option anymore. That guy I want as a friend is somebody's H and somebody's dad. I really missed that. Now I have made a few single guy friends lately, BUT... There's one guy that I'd like to be friends with, and I wouldn't rule out dating somewhere down the road, but gosh, he's just pressing me beyond my comfort zone. I'm going to have to get rid of him. Is this what I have to look forward to?

[Maybell]

Good problem to have. Nobody at all is knocking on my door.

Not that I'm even remotely ready. My cup runneth over.

Btw, I could really use a tip or two for dealing with disrespectful tween girl who doesn't take me seriously when I ban potty humor from the dinner table.

[SunnyB]

Paddleboarding would be great but somehow i suspect it will lose some of the appeal in the drizzle of the UK.

You guys are all whiners. It's too hot and humid, it's too cold and drizzly. Just kidding, you are all great.

I keep thinking about my friend who's borderline WAW. She's entirely faithful to her H, but she's losing respect for him because he's not standing up and being a man in a very specific way. Her resentment is growing and turning into disgust. I feel so sorry for her, for her H, I want to slap him and point out he's about to lose the best thing that ever happened to him. It's fascinating to watch it play out just the way I read about here and know there's nothing I can do to stop the car crash. It's something they'll have to figure out.

[Sotto]

It's funny you say that Sunny, I also know someone who is a WAW. She's not a good friend, more of an acquaintance. But she has told her long term partner their R is over (although they still cohabit) and she is dating, and seeming in a very sexual frame of mind. I know her partner slightly, but certainly not enough to recommend this site to him. I am sitting on the sidelines and watching.

On the plus side, a good friend of mine told me how sad he was this weekend that his BF and W had S (her choice.) I was able to suggest the site to him!!

[Zues126]

I keep thinking about my friend who's borderline WAW. She's entirely faithful to her H, but she's losing respect for him because he's not standing up and being a man in a very specific way. Her resentment is growing and turning into disgust. I feel so sorry for her, for her H, I want to slap him and point out he's about to lose the best thing that ever happened to him. It's fascinating to watch it play out just the way I read about here and know there's nothing I can do to stop the car crash. It's something they'll have to figure out.

Funny Sunny, I see the flip side (maybe because I'm an LBH). And REMEMBER- I don’t know the sitch, you do. But when I hear about a potential WAW, I picture someone that isn’t satisfied with their H, that views them through a lens of resentment, criticism, and disgust. The fact is that the vast majority of M’s are dissolved by WAW’s, and I feel this attitude is at the center. Bottom line, I don’t know any women that don’t feel this way about their H’s at times. The only question is going to be do you remain committed to a flawed human and appreciate what you have or do you reject it because you feel entitled to more.

So her H isn’t the person she’d create him to be. That’s life. You can either judge him, condemn him, diminish him, abandon him, and destroy a M (only to find out there are NO perfect men and the next man will have other areas she’ll disrespect and resent, only on top of a broken family)…or she can find her own happiness, make changes in herself and choose to treat him lovingly and with appreciation and respect- which may actually prompt a different response from her H. And if it doesn’t, she could maybe accept that you don’t get everything you want in life, but choose to keep a M together and walk a good path for herself and her family. I believe that staying in the M is right, and that if they stay together in 3 years or 5 years it will be a different dynamic, particularly if she worked on herself using DB principles. Yes, that’s a long time, and it stinks to feel hurt, neglected, or unappreciated, etc. But D isn’t an easier or better path in my opinion unless there is true danger to the family.

Anyway, those are my beliefs. I recognize I am very fiery on the subject. Partly because of what I’ve gone through. But frankly I’ve always felt this way which is why I never would have walked despite some serious deficits in the M. I just don’t think it’s ok, and I hope to find a woman that agrees someday. I do still know a few men who’s wives have stayed with them for the count, and it’s not because their H’s are prince charming…it’s because they are princess accepting.

To be clear- I'm not defending the H's behavior (which I don't know) But what he does and how she responds are two different things. No doubt he does need a slap too!