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Huddy Offline OP
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Looks like my L has dumped me! Just phoned another and been quoted £500 (!) per hour. Hmmmm.......


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Originally Posted By: Huddy
Looks like my L has dumped me! Just phoned another and been quoted £500 (!) per hour. Hmmmm.......


Eh? Your L has dumped you? Did you get an explanation? That seems very odd.

£500 an hour is V steep. Surely there must be more options available to you?


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Huddy Offline OP
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No explanation other than she was 'busy'. Good to know they don't need the business. When I went the first time she suggested I moved out of the family home to give my wife some space as 'she probably needs a break'. That was my parting shot from them.

Will look at other options.


M 45 W 52
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Hugs, Huddy, I am from the UK and a D solicitors there quoted me @£200 an hour.

Or a flat fee for the divorce and about £1500 for a financial order. I don't know if this helps you.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Huddy Offline OP
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Hi Smoothy

Just been quoted £250 per hour. That still seems really high to me. Mind you, last time I used a solicitor it was £30 for a letter and the first hour was free!


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Sorry Huddy to hear that it's such a high cost for you to get help in this situation. frown


M: 44 H: 43
ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect.
"This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15
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Hi mate
Originally Posted By: Huddy
No explanation other than she was 'busy'.


Well ok. Not something I'd recommend when speaking to a potential customer. If that's the attitude you are probably better off
Quote:

When I went the first time she suggested I moved out of the family home to give my wife some space as 'she probably needs a break'


Not necessarily a bad idea (watch this one as I left and it was 4 months before I returned, by that time WW thought it was her house, she still does) but I find it highly unusual for a L to be giving out M advice, don't you?


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Huddy Offline OP
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Whoa! Hold the front page - again!

Message from W - 'Would you like picking up cause it's raining'. 'Thanks. That would be nice' I replied. Lo and behold, she was there, picking me up.

Of course there was an ulterior motive. W wanted to know if I'd seen the L. I didn't seem the sense in lying, and she was only interested in house sale. I decided that she could list the house. She agreed to wait until after the new furniture arrived (so that's after 16 June). I don't care about the house, it's just bricks to me.

Now, you could see this as an easy win for W. I see it as a form of rope dropping. I said to W that if she's going, I can't stop her, so the house is no good to me. So, in a sense, this is good for me on a detaching level. I see it as a way of saying 'I don't need you, I'll survive'. Right/wrong?

From this we agreed to take the children out on Monday, together, and that I could use the car on Sunday for a job I need to do. Again, you could see that as crumbs, but she never actually asked about anything else on the L letter and she didn't validate the point about her going.

I feel good about rope dropping. I no longer see her leaving as being 'life threatening' as it would have been seven weeks ago, when (cringing as I write this) I contemplated throwing myself under the train.

I don't want her to go. I love her. But she has to want me and by making this small gesture, I feel it may help. Again, I'm no expert (Sandi2, come and see me!) but if you're saying we split the house, that seems like an ultimate rope drop.

I did consider saying if she moved away, that would be the end for us, but I considered that a bit strong yet. Again, any thoughts on this approach?


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Hi mate. I have a few things to say about this but need a real PC to do it properly.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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Originally Posted By: Huddy
Whoa! Hold the front page - again!

Message from W - 'Would you like picking up cause it's raining'. 'Thanks. That would be nice' I replied. Lo and behold, she was there, picking me up.

Nice, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Quote:

Of course there was an ulterior motive.


Fixed that for you. The only person on the plant who really knows what that motive is is your W

Quote:
W wanted to know if I'd seen the L.

Of course she did.
Quote:

I didn't seem the sense in lying,

Good idea. Lying is bad.
Quote:

and she was only interested in house sale.

Mind reading. she could have been thinking any number of things.
Quote:
I decided that she could list the house. She agreed to wait until after the new furniture arrived (so that's after 16 June).

Is this helping YOU? Is this what YOU want? Just saying.
Quote:

I don't care about the house, it's just bricks to me.

You know i feel completely different about this. I love my home. But if this is how you feel then ok. But be honest with yourself.
Quote:

Now, you could see this as an easy win for W.

Win? Who's trying to win? It's not about winning IMO.
Quote:

I see it as a form of rope dropping. I said to W that if she's going, I can't stop her, so the house is no good to me. So, in a sense, this is good for me on a detaching level. I see it as a way of saying 'I don't need you, I'll survive'. Right/wrong?

How do you really feel? Be honest with yourself again. I know I will be gutted to lose this place.

Quote:

From this we agreed to take the children out on Monday, together, and that I could use the car on Sunday for a job I need to do. Again, you could see that as crumbs, but she never actually asked about anything else on the L letter and she didn't validate the point about her going.

Ok, so it's a nice day out with the F. Should be good for the kids at least. Show her how good a dad you are while being REALLY detached. I've been thinking about what that means all day and I think I'm starting to 'get it'.

Quote:

I feel good about rope dropping. I no longer see her leaving as being 'life threatening' as it would have been seven weeks ago, when (cringing as I write this) I contemplated throwing myself under the train.

Have you? Only time will tell. Use the time and ask yourself if you really have 'dropped the rope'. If Im, honest I haven't but am trying. Having a bit of an epiphany today.
Quote:

I don't want her to go. I love her. But she has to want me and by making this small gesture, I feel it may help. Again, I'm no expert (Sandi2, come and see me!) but if you're saying we split the house, that seems like an ultimate rope drop.

Feels like you are out to prove something.
Quote:

I did consider saying if she moved away, that would be the end for us, but I considered that a bit strong yet. Again, any thoughts on this approach?

What's best for you and why decide right now?

I hope you don't see this as being harsh or anything mate. It's just the way I'm seeing things today. I recognise myself in you from a few months ago. I said all the same things and though all the same thoughts. Trust me, you have a long way to go as do I.

Peace


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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