We are over, now what?

[Cadet]

Sometimes by just waiting patiently the answers come to us without even asking.

So - Yes - I think you will find out that in the book.
Patience is one of the DB 101 - things.

I am not really saying you are slow or taking it slow.
We all learn at our own speed and when we are ready to do so.
If you just keep taking small steps forward then at some point you can look back and see how far you have come.
Hence the eating of an elephant or this is a marathon not a sprint, reference.

I think the point about DB'ing is to break up the goal into small manageable things.
That you can control.
Not someone else.


Keep reading and ask questions if you need to.

[Huddy]

Seems like you're doing OK Tulo. As Cadet says, steady slow progress is better than no progress all.

[Smothy]

^^^^ agree with this.

Once we started on the elephant, we can keep picking at it ;-)

[Tulo]

"People don't just fall out of love.They stop doing what they were doing when they fell in love. Love isn't just a feeling, it's about action". -Michelle Weiner Davis Feb 8, 2015 via Twitter <

This post makes me really sad, because I feel that this is exactly what happened. After a very hectic period for both of us, we simply forgot to take care of -us- and it all went down the drain..

What ever happens, I won't do that mistake again!

[Tulo]

Sometimes by just waiting patiently the answers come to us without even asking.

I think the point about DB'ing is to break up the goal into small manageable things.
That you can control.
Not someone else.


Keep reading and ask questions if you need to.

Thanks Cadet!

Been reading my DB like crazy and take some comfort in it.
So many thoughts that run through my head and as you say, I need to take it slow and one thing at the time..

Will return with questions, no doubt!
All my best!

[Tulo]

Ok, I did something very stupid..

My ex's mum wrote to me on FB asking if she could get some rhubarb from me this year. I had plans to go to a GAL lunch with two friends and I said that I could drop of at ex's for her at the same time when I was in town ..

Called him and said that she'd asked and I brought some and he sounded very happy and said that she'd be so happy and yes do come and drop them off. I went there after lunch and stopped on the street as he came and he said asked it I wanted to come up. I did and we talked for awhile.. I asked it he had told his family that we were over and he said he had and I asked what reason he had given them and he said that he had said that he didn't feel it anymore. He said his parents have said that I was always welcome there and I said that maybe we could go say hi at some stage (him and I) and he said that -Sure we can.

He looked quite tired and not at all up beat. I asked him if everything was Ok and he said that it was.

He got a bit quiet and I asked what he was thinking about and he smiled and looked a bit flustered.. He said that he thought about the last time we met.. And I said what about it?

-You know, about what we did.. (Sex) And I said, oh, that.. What about it, I said.. -Just that it was really good.. Mm, I said.. It got all quiet and he said he had thought a lot about it..

Well, to cut a long story short it ended up with us deciding to meet up next week for a escapade because he was taking his son for football very soon and had to hurry. None the less before I left we had sex and it felt great, and then we hurried off and said we'd ring about next week..

Anyway.. The good feeling of this kind of vanished when I saw (Yes, do give me the 2x4's because I know all of this is wrong) that he added an old neighbour of mine on FB. She is (I think) single and a really sweet person and this obviously had me in a tailspin..

I know he's not a person who would keep 2 women at the same time, he just isn't, and he has several friends who know her and she has a daughter the same age as his twins so there could be a great many reasons for him to add her besides being interested in her romantically..

It felt so good when we talked and we're intimate but now I'm just in such pain thinking I'm a fool that have given him sex without any R..

I'm a bloody fool and to tell you all the truth it feels like I never going to be happy again!!

[PigPen]

Sorry you're struggling today Tulo. This whole thing is hard and sometimes you make mistakes. The physical intimacy is something that you miss and when it's offered, it can be hard to turn down.

But now you know not to do it again unless your in an R. Be more protective of your heart, it's in your hands to protect it, not his. I don't know his thoughts, but would imagine that he thinks he can definitely have the best of both worlds. Or maybe it's just a friend on FB, don't give it more credence than it may be due.

Don't beat yourself up, just learn from this and take measures to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Measures that protect YOU! You're the one that's going to suffer, you're the one that has to bear the pain.

Happiness will find you Tulo, I'm sure of it.

PP

[Tulo]

Happiness will find you Tulo, I'm sure of it.

PP

Thank you so much for your reply!!

I hope you are right but all is so dark now that I can't feel it and at the moment not even think it. And through all my previous ups and downs I've always known in my heart that I'll be fine. This time I don't..

It's 4.30 in the middle of the night here and haven't slept a wink.. So sad!

Thank you again!!
Hug!

[Matt777]

Hi Tulo -

If my wife offered herself to me physically right now, I don't know how I'd be able to say no. I don't put you at fault for any of it.

Try to get some sleep. You'll have better clarity in the...morning.

[Painter]

That wasn't very nice of him, was it? Take advantage of your feelings for him to get you to have sex with him? I doubt he could trick himself in to actually believing that you would be fine with being friends with benefits.

It's hard to resist the physical pull from a longtime partner. Maybe you can find a way not to see him in private again?