[b][/b] well it would take forever to tell my whole story so I will type what I can..ok here it goes and I'm glad this is anonymous. I had a rough time growing up..was overweight,poor,had no friends,was made fun of,even my 2 half sisters and half brother were mean to me ..started doing bad things at 13 to get attention then when i was 14 my parents divorced..in their situation it was good that they divorced but from 14-16 I was good and made great grades-when I turned 16 i got a car and started hanging around with a "bad girl" and i started doing bad things again ..well i ended up having a boyfriend when i was 18 and i had moved into his parents house and we worked together and were trying to save up money to get an apartment..we were supposed to work together one night and something happened to where i had off that night and he ended up getting killed..obviously God had other plans for me but i went through a rough time and started acting out again.
Ended up having to move in with my grandpa after living with some "friends" after i moved out of his parents house. Well after a few months of living with my grandpa i prayed that God would send me somebody that would love me.
I'm sorry my post will be quite long but it's a really long story and I'm trying to make it as short as i can. Well after hanging out with this girl i was partying with she ended up leaving me at her friends house one day and i ended up staying there for a while. Well i got introduced to this guy that i didn't like at first. Ended up dating him and falling in love. We agreed on having a baby which i know we were young and rushed into it but everything happens for a reason.
Ended up having to move into his parents house while i was pregnant and they lived hours away from where i grew up and met him. He barely worked and barely made any money for years.
I hardly had anything to eat while i was pregnant. We pretty much lived in the bedroom all the time.his parents talked bad about me. His parents are very religious and believed we should get married.
I asked him if he wanted to marry me and he said "I guess." So we went to a justice of the peace and got married *his parents bought the wedding bands*. My parents got mad that they weren't invited but I wasn't close to my mom at the time BC of things I had done as a teenager.
When our oldest daughter was about 2 1/2-3 I got pregnant again. I cried BC as much as I love my kids we had no money and I was miserable living at his parents house.
I wasn't ready yet for another but babies really are a miracle. Well about 3 months after I had her *our 2nd daughter* I got a job at a gas station. I ended up wanting to have an affair with my boss BC for some reason I wasn't happy at all and I was honest with my husband about how I was feeling and we worked through it and I ended up quitting there when he got a good job.
Well when he got this job I was still feeling weird and ended up wanting to have an affair with his friend. We were hanging out with this couple and me and the girl ended up making a deal where she would sleep with my husband and that should make him decide to let me sleep with his friend. I am ashamed of these things now but at the time I wasn't thinking right or religiously.
Well they ended up doing that and he told me I couldn't do that with his friend or he would kill him if he touched me. During this time I was also getting facial piercings and a tattoo and drinking. Something wouldn't let me leave it alone and I ended up having a few month on and off affair with that friend of his. The couple we were friends with ended up living with us for a few months when we got our own rent house. She helped me commit the affair and I had no idea her and my husband would have done anything at that time. I was going to divorce my husband buy something happened and I came to my senses and ended the affair. The couple ended up moving out.
We got another rent house bit I didn't want to come clean to my husband about the affair BC I didn't want him to leave me BC I realized how much I really did love him and wanted our family together.
Ok it's 2011 and he has this other job making decent money for us. I was a stay at home mom.
Well I was living with the guilt and having trouble with neighbors and still holding a grudge against his parents so I was miserable and sleeping all the time and barely cooking,cleaning,paying him attention,etc.
He had a huge porn addiction at this time and started saying he was unhappy but we didn't talk about it much and life went on. It's 2012 and he pulls the unhappy thing again and again life goes on..april 2013 he says he's unhappy and doesn't want to be with me anymore so I say ok wait until our youngest daughter goes to kindergarten in August then I will get a job and an apartment..he ends up getting me pregnant on purpose and he said BC I had pissed him off..ok since he did that I'm thinking he wants to stay together at least for a few more years..his parents end up buying us a trail or in August 2013.had our youngest *3rd daughter* in december. He acted different my whole pregnancy but I let it slide..before she was 2 months old he came home and said he was unhappy and wanted a divorce..i pretty much had to beg for him to stay and for us to give it a try but neither if us did much to try..here comes July 2014 and he's acting weird again..hiding outside at night which was unusual for him so I had a weird feeling and looked on his phone and saw he had been texting somebody. Hr pulled the unhappy speech again and when I called that number it was a woman. He swore she was a gay waitress trying to help him out with his marriage. I believed him. Argued on and off fir months about the divorce and I had nightmares and cried a lot BC of her BC I didn't understand why he would go outside and text and call her where I could see but not hear. Anyway I started talking to his mom about our problems BC I didn't know what to do and didn't want anybody else to know yet. I had written him a letter saying I wad sorry about the affair and other things but before he read the letter he made me tell him out loud BC I said I want to tell you why I have been this way for the past few years. Well he came clean also and admitted to sleeping with that girl/woman while she lived with us.
He even got graphic with it and told me it happened about 3-4 times and I just have known about it..i swear I didn't know I only knew about the one time. He told me he slept with her BC he knew I wad cheating on him and he thought it would make him feel better and he said I've known all this time you cheated in me I just had the wrong person in mind. The guy he thought it was wasn't anywhere around us at that time so he confused me with that.
Anyway he told me he quit talking to the waitress BC I asked him to and BC it hurt me.
I was still trying to talk him into saving the marriage but he said it's too late he can't do it anymore. Ok February of this year I had to beg for roses fir Valentine's day BC I knew he would be moving out around June and figured it would be the last thing I ever got from him. He starts acting very weird and starts saying he's going to a guy friends house after work and drinking there. He pulled the same crap when he was talking to "the waitress" last year.
I said you're not starting that crap again are you?! He said no. Ok I believe that's where he's at..he ends up going 5 nights in one week *sorry I'm about to leave a lot out BC it's already too long* he swears there's no other woman and says we're getting a divorce what do you expect..all the signs of him cheating were there I just didn't realize it..anyway he moves out march 16th and says he's living with another guy friend in a certain town.
starts being hateful to me on the phone telling me to leave him alone unless it's about the kids and that we're seperated so he doesn't have to tell me anything..2 weekends after he moved out he came get the girls and long story short I find out hes living with a woman and a man in a different town than he said he was... since march I have done a lot of investigating and the kids have seen and heard a lot when they're with them.. hr is denying living with her and having a relationship with her but in front of the kids they're all over each other and saying I love you baby and talking about getting their own house and she's hateful to my babies and hitting on him leaving bruises and making the grown man get in the corner for time out in front of the girls and the list goes on and on..she has a bad past of hopping from city to city using men for money . doesn't even have custody of her own daughter and her daughters father hates her guts..he doesn't know I can access his pay card online and see every transaction made and deposit and she is blowing every dime of every one of his paychecks and I know as soon as he moved out he gave her control of his pay card..i have tried the begging and all that stuff before I found this site..told him she's using him..
i got threatened twice over her by him..the man they're living with is her ex and she was still living with him when she moved my husband in with them..she's bragging to the neighbors about how he went after her at work and how romantic he was but she's leaving out the part about him being married..telling people that my babies are her future step babies but he hasn't heard her say that..told my oldest daughter "don't worry me and your daddy are about to get our own house and I'll make sure y'all have "a space"..
she has called me a lot of bad names in front of the kids and so has he.last time I tried reconciling was 3 weeks ago and told him I would forgive him for everything that has happened up until that exact moment and that we could start over fresh and there's people who could help us.. he said nothing I could do would make him want to come back at this point and that he is done forever and I asked him if they broke up if he would consider coming back and he laughed and said she didn't break us up so why would you ask that..i said if y'all break up will you consider coming back he said well that's a different story I would think about it then.. needless to say I have gone to a lawyer since and he has been served and he told the girls he wouldn't get them this past weekend BC he had to cut grass and BC their mama is pissing him off... ok the man can call me lazy and everything but he didn't do crap around here and he left me a little money and that's it and wonders why everybody is mad BC he "left me some money" it got really ugly and may still get uglier. Wish I could say everything that has happened lately..even hired a private investigator and luckily got video and pictures of them coming out of the house in the morning and kissing..he's even denying everything to his parents.. he's mad BC me and his parents are together a lot now and they're helping me..really long story but I don't think we have any chance of getting back together..he even pulled the I love you but not like that..you brought this on yourself..you should have thought of things sooner..etc.
Now that I don't have him putting me down all the time anymore and being mean I can figure out I think I had postpartum and regular depression all these years plus the guilt plus everything else..
No wonder I wasn't a perfect wife..but he's been a pretty bad husband too even the kids said he's been mean to me for years..always picking on my weight too after I've given him 3 beautiful children..i know if we got help and things changed we could have a great marriage but he's admitted he's not willing to change anything and he's pretty much choosing her over anybody else and they've only been seeing each other since late Feb or early march..i give up..court date is July 7th and he's not giving me any more money until he is ordered to..my parents and his are paying bills and fixing things up around here..he thinks BC I didn't work he shouldn't have to pay spousal support but his thinking is weird right now and he left me with a breaking down vehicle but he's been buying parts for her car and working on it..
more I want to say but can't right now..sad situation..and makes me sick..even kids dont want to be around them right now.oh and he swears it's not adultery bc "we're separated"...yikes..and the "gay waitress" and I are friends now and um..she's straight and worked with him..
she didn't want him like that and she quit talking to him..he got the wrong idea about them..he was prepared to leave us last year for her if she would have taken him..mr. "I hate cheating" this isn't even all of it but enough for now..and he got served last Tuesday and she is still blowing his money..got her nails done yesterday and they ate at red lobster..you would think since they are trying to get their own house they would be saving money but nope..
while me and the kids need all kinds of things she is getting all of his money...that is why I give up and am so mad..everybody but me thinks they will break up once she can't blow all of his checks any more but that wouldn't be until at least July so we will have to see..doubt me and him get back together but nobody wants that person to be the girls step mama not even them.. oh and everything he never did for me he is doing for her..sorry for all the typos i am on my phone and typing fast
Last edited by Cadet; 05/27/1510:10 AM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I'm so sorry to hear your story. I don't have much to advise yet, but you have come to the right place. You won't find anywhere more supportive.
One thing j will ask is whether you've seen a lawyer. As far as I understand, he doesn't get to decide how much money to "leave you with." The courts can decide how much you get....initially and every month. Make sure you are doing what you can to protect yourself and your family.
It's so much worse than this. It has taken me months to tell his mom most of the story. He wanted to cheat on me numerous times during our whole marriage. He has even til me part of him wanting a divorce may be because he wants to date but then he jumped into the relationship with her and they're already saying I love you to each other. He has been hateful to me since a weeks before he left. Like more hateful than he has ever been. He wants nothing to do with me and all I have been doing since last year is try to keep my marriage and family together.
This girlfriend of his is not a good person. And they're still blowing money even to this day. Like I said he left me some money and i guess he thought it would last forever BC if it wasn't for both of our parents paying my bills that money would have been gone by now.
He even borrowed $160 from me *before I found out about her* and he hasn't given me a dime of it back. He thinks I should have gotten a job when he left bc he has til me he is not responsible for me,only for his kids. His girlfriend even makes comments to them for me to hear trying to tell me what to do with that money he left me and how to raise my kids when she didn't even raise her own. I'm trying to live right and the are being idiots.
Well my lawyer is going after child & spousal support and custody with him having visitation.that spousal support really ticked him off. Wait until we he in court and go after final spousal support BC of that proof I have of the adultery. People that work with them say she gives off bad vibes and he is losing a lot of weight while she is gaining. He even begged her to try on a swimsuit for him and she said no. It makes me sick. The problems me and him had were fixable. After he left by some miracle I got out of my depressed funk. I'm thinking it may have been gor the best that he left and may have been the wake up call I needed to change things. Just hoping that they D break up once she can't blow all of his checks anymore but I doubt he would come back or that I would want him back with the way he is.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/27/1501:53 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Well it's been 3 weeks since he has seen the kids. When he comes get them Saturday I will just smile and not say anything BC I have said everything I could already. I have even told him I think he is having a mid life crisis or depression or possibly side effects from his shoes he gets for his Crohn's disease. He laughed at me. One time he told me it is too late for us and I said how is it too late BC we're not dead yet..he laughed. My plan is to lose weight,keep house and yards clean,spend more time with kids,learn to cook new things,keep going to church,read books when I have a chance,D more things away from the house with the girls,get a makeover pretty much BC I let myself go a long time ago. Whoever God has plans for me to be with he will be sent to me. That's how I see it so everything about my situation is out of my hands except for the legal stuff.
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
When he comes get them Saturday I will just smile and not say anything BC I have said everything I could already. I have even told him I think he is having a mid life crisis or depression or possibly side effects from his shoes he gets for his Crohn's disease. He laughed at me. One time he told me it is too late for us and I said how is it too late BC we're not dead yet..he laughed.
He is still in DENIAL and telling him you won the lottery would not change anything.
Thanks-I'm talked out anyway at this point..it's such a sad situation and honestly everybody is heartbroken and upset over it and everybody is tired of it. Hopefully one day things will change. We are praying that she goes away or they break up and that he straightens up one day but neither one may ever happen.
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
We both did a lot wrong in the marriage but he's only seeing what I did wrong and exaggerating and lieing on some of it and not admitting he has ever said or done anything wrong and what he does admit to him doing wrong he blames it on me somehow.
Between that and everything he has said and done just this last year much less since he has left I think it's best I just let him go and let God handle everything. My parents had to pay for my lawyer also and my mom paid for the private investigator so at this point I pretty much have to follow through with the divorce anyway and nobody wants us to get back together at this point even the kids so I'm pretty much in a hopeless situation.
Any idea what could show him how stupid he is to give up me and having his family together? At least I could do that..i am an attractive woman but need to lose weight. Other than that and cleaning and being happy idk what I could do. He tells me I will never change then says even if I do it's too late. He made a list of 5 things he wanted me to change but then said I needed to change those things for myself and to find another man. That was before his affair began.
The list was 1-quit being lazy 2-keep house clean 3-lose weight 4-dress sexier 5-have supper ready when he got home..i tried having supper ready when he got home and he would say he's trying to lose weight and isn't hungry and would drink beer or complain about what I cooked but now he's living off fast food and restaurants..he insulted everything I said and did anyway and now he's saying none of those things matter and he doesn't love or want me anymore
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Journaling- brought youngest daughter to dr. today. One of her legs curves more than the other so we got x-rays taken. Going to dr. tomorrow to look at x-rays and if anything is wrong I will have to take her to the Children's hospital to get it checked out. She could possibly need braces.
It's hitting me hard today and I'm depressed BC we were supposed to raise these babies together and I can't even talk to him anymore even about the kids and it hurts and [censored]. How somebody can leave their beautiful family for that thing he is with i just can't understand. guess I have to get used to things being this way BC I don't foresee anything changing soon...haven't seen him in almost a month and I'm nervous about seeing him Friday.
He decided to come get them Friday afternoon which is another problem. Right now he only gets them on the weekend when it's most convenient for him..i offered him every other weekend but he said until we have papers saying when he can get them I can't say anything about when he gets them BC they're his kids too. Little foes he know when we ho to court in July I am going yo try to get it to where the kids can't spend the night at that house and he has to get them certain weekends and pick them up at a certain time and bring them back at a certain time. Well I'm hoping the judge does it that way. I have 6 more weeks to deal with all this crap and hopefully things will go good for me in court. Still depressing though.
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
and now he's saying none of those things matter and he doesn't love or want me anymore