mleigh - I agree with job, just let it go, you don't owe your h any explanation for anything you do ....or don't do. It none of his business.
Something that worked for me when my h sent me a tm or email was to not reply straight away. Sit on it, overnight if possible, that way you have time to think. Its easy to send an emotional response and then regret it, been there, done that, wore the t-shirt many times in the early days lol.
You h is pushing buttons and you are responding - easy done, don't sweat it, just don't play his game anymore.
Oh, just my 2cents and that is all it is so please don't take offence - Father Day. Ok, well if the table was turned and it was Mothers Day, would you think it unreasonable if your h got upset that you wanted to spend the day with your s? - I understand it was a miscommunication and your day to have your s, but maybe being a little accomodating under the circumstances would have kept the battle lines being drawn at bay.
Your doing great mleigh, this is a minefield you are navigating and we all have to find out where to and not to walk - Keep going, you will be ok.
Thanks Lou. No offense taken, I did catch myself yesterday about Fathers Day. The emotions were taking over, but I recognized it and let it go, until H started pushing buttons and emotions took over again.
It is something I strongly see and need to work on. I get so frustrated with myself when I react. I am making a conscious effort to think before I react, yet I still fail. I feel so off kilter right now. I know my son senses it because he is extra clingy....and I feel disappointed in myself...I am so tired of H and dealing with him. I am ticked at friend and had bad dreams about him all night.
H has son tonight. I am going to get through the work day and regroup tonight. I need to stay strong and balanced, for me and S. These distractions are throwing me off. I think a good cry may help too.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Just caught up ... and job is right. You know where you are, nothing going on so nothing to address .... now if at some point your H wants to actually pull his head out of the MLC hole, commit to your M and then ask if there is someone else then would be the time to discuss that area like adults. The note to me is something I look at, he did not confront you face to face, nor text .. a note. Thinking about your sitch there are seeds planted, This friend already had shown interest, the broken beer bottles, and now word out that he stayed over .. sure it looks far worse than it is and honestly ... this might be a nudge for your H, they want us where they put us when we left, you are living your life and this will catch the MLCrs attention.
I would brace for some push back or some movement as your H most likely starts to process these thoughts .. thoughts of you moving on in his mind.
Thank you Cali. For what it's worth, my intuition tells me this is heavy on his mind. When we first dated, I was not quite over my previous BF, and lied about seeing him a few times. Until H caught me redhanded. He obviously took me back, a year later, after I got XBF out of my system, but I always felt he never got over it. It was always a very sore spot for him.
I plan on laying low with H and keeping my guard up. I feel a storm may be on the horizon. However, I know I am clean as a whistle and can sleep at night with a clear conscience. That is most important to me and won't change anytime soon.
Starting to feel better, looking forward to a quiet night.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Another fun day today. Grammy picks up S from summer camp on Mondays. Because she can be very flaky and forgetful, I have asked her to TM me to confirm when she picks up S, which she has been doing a good job of. I just have this fear that S will be sitting there and everyone will be thinking someone else picked him up! Anyway, 4:00 came and went and no TM from her. So I TM asking if she picked up S or if I need to. She responded that she got into a big blowup with her H and it totally slipped her mind. She apologized and said she was really embarrassed, and asked to pick up on Friday instead. So I put my STFU into action! I cooled down for a few .minutes, called the school so they would tell S I was picking him up (I knew he would be worrying, sure enough, teacher said he had been laying on the couch. He told me he was scared Grammy got hurt) then I TM her back that I would pick him up and we will figure something out.
So I picked up S, he grilled me about Grammy, I told him she wasn't feeling well. No way would I ever tell him she forgot him! Then the fun part, to get him to H because it's his night.
I had just planned on taking S home and waiting for H to figure out what his mother did and let it be his problem. But S said he needed to hurry and get to daddy's because he was meeting up with a buddy on Mine craft (PC game) in 45 minutes. Ugh! So I TM H that I had to pick up S, his mom wasn't feeling well (truth between them) and that we were heading over. That was a joy!! H didn't look at me or say a single thing. He never acts like that, he is so PISSED at me.
I just gave S a big hug and said goodbye like normal. I have read so many stories on here, about this behavior, but I still can't believe I am witnessing this in my H. He LEFT me. It's been almost 2 years of "confusion", the things he has said and done.....and he is going to get mad at me for something that didn't even happen!!?? Without even getting the story from me, just going of whatever he heard? Which I have no idea what that was. They really want you to stay right where they left you!
Unbelievable. Truly unbelievable. I am also blown away by how normal and nice he was last night, hanging out with S and I, all with this on his mind, leaving me a note.... kind of creepy. He is extremely passive aggressive, I am going to pay one way or another emotionally. No doubt
Tonight I will be doing extra long yoga!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
My yoga and thinking in the middle of the night helped much, I am feeling much better and here is where I am at and where I want to be:
The rug was pulled out from under me 20 months ago. I was distraught and panicked until I realized I had 2 little eyes on me. It wasn't just me this happened to, that was all I needed to pick myself back up. S and I have worked so hard to get to an emotional state of security, stability and happiness. We have come so far and we are thriving! S is excelling in school and has good friends. I am doing great at work, actually enjoying it and keeping myself busy with projects. We are living life fully, in spite of the cards we were dealt....
And I will be damned if I let outside influences shake that. That includes H's hissy fits, negative people, and is even the reason dating is out of the question right now for me. I am in a good place and want to stay here a while as I get stronger and stronger each day. I want to stay focused and grounded, not just for me, for my son.
Life is good and full of possibilities, I can't complain. Today is a new day
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I had just planned on taking S home and waiting for H to figure out what his mother did and let it be his problem. But S said he needed to hurry and get to daddy's because he was meeting up with a buddy on Mine craft (PC game) in 45 minutes. Ugh! So I TM H that I had to pick up S, his mom wasn't feeling well (truth between them) and that we were heading over. That was a joy!! H didn't look at me or say a single thing. He never acts like that, he is so PISSED at me.
I just gave S a big hug and said goodbye like normal. I have read so many stories on here, about this behavior, but I still can't believe I am witnessing this in my H. He LEFT me. It's been almost 2 years of "confusion", the things he has said and done.....and he is going to get mad at me for something that didn't even happen!!?? Without even getting the story from me, just going of whatever he heard? Which I have no idea what that was. They really want you to stay right where they left you!
Unbelievable. Truly unbelievable. I am also blown away by how normal and nice he was last night, hanging out with S and I, all with this on his mind, leaving me a note.... kind of creepy. He is extremely passive aggressive, I am going to pay one way or another emotionally. No doubt
Tonight I will be doing extra long yoga!
Yup
You realize why he is mad? In his MLC mashed-tater-noggin its not been 20 months ... more like 3 weeks, and you moved .... you were not exactly where he left you ... and worse he gets to, like we all have, chase those ghosts in his mind about all the scenarios of what could be happening and none of them involve what truly happened. I recall my W going bat-cray the night I had dinner with 3 female friends, I do not think I ever DB'd that well .. that night she said something to the extent of "Enjoy your date, nice to know you have that in you for other women" I was shocked at how jealous they are ... yours does not seem to have an OP but even without that they get pretty wicked jealous.
In your case ... I think this was the fist time I have seen the "mystery" card pulled ... to a point he really might actually realize you are moving on where as before .. no threats on the radar.
I am so sorry that your MIL forgot your son yesterday. It's time to come up w/a different plan about the pick ups for your son. Whether she was having a tiff w/her husband or not, it was inexcusable what she did. How old is she? Is she having health issues, i.e., memory lapses?
As for your h, Cali is right about one thing...you weren't suppose to move from the spot he left you in. Time for them is very slow and it's only been a couple of week since he left, not 2 years. He'll either get over his hissy fit or he'll continue to be an angry man who will develop some health issues along the way. It's truly not your problem. He can't have his cake and eat it too.
Continue moving forward, but I would definitely have a good plan in place for your son's pick ups. She can visit him once he's home or on the weekend, but I have some major concerns w/this latest incident.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cali, I always forget they are not on the same time table, thank you for the reminder. And oh, ya, I moved from my spot and possibly had a friend over, shame on me! I am so over his fit, it's ridiculous, but I am curious to see how this plays out because H has never been the jealous type. Thing is, I know what I did and didn't do, he can either talk to me about his concerns like an adult, or believe whatever he heard. Which I still don't even know! I am only assuming this is about friend, but I honestly don't know for sure! So, my life goes on like normal
Job, I appreciate the concern about Grammy. She is 70 and has been having memory issues for a while. That is exactly why I insist she TM me to confirm pick up. Yesterday I was so happy that I made up that rule, otherwise I would have had no idea she forgot. The hard part is, S loves those days. He really loves her and has fun, I would hate to take that away....but I too am concerned. I will need to think about this one, a way we all win with the outcome, and keep a close watch on her for now.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
M ... yeah ... just to prove this ... W recently asked how our dog aged so fast and mentioned that our S all the sudden was like a young man, was not so much what she said .. but the way she said it like she just arrived from a Jupiter trip and there was some strange time warp going on ... I have read it here often but never really SEEN it personally till the past few weeks.
