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[job]

You most certainly had a busy week.

Sounds like your friend got rather miffed that you didn't take him up on his offer to repair your screen. Apparently he thought that offering to repair the screen would open the door for him to spend time w/you and stay over. I'm glad you didn't bite on his offer.

I be your new canopy looks fantastic! In fact, I bet your entire yard is beautiful. I can just imagine what your h thought when he saw the canopy and the gardens. He's not going to say anything for a while about everything being done. He was shocked to see that things are moving along and he's not being a part of it. Oh, well...sometimes choices have consequences that we didn't ask for.

About the dog, maybe it's time to suggest that he get one of his own. That's entirely too much back and forth for a pet to be going through and then him not bringing the dog on as planned. Maybe he doesn't want to tell you that he misses home and the dog is a tie to "home".

Nice job on the text and conversation w/Granny. She now has heard it directly from you that you are to be included in activities for your son. Apparently your h isn't telling you stuff and she now realizes it. Boundary set, let's see if she can follow thru from here on out by including you in discussions about activities for your son.

Enjoy your yard. You should really be proud of yourself because you've accomplished a lot since your H ran away.

[Sotto]

Hi Mleigh, sounds like you are doing well. It's nice to read of you making progress with your garden. And good that H sees you moving forward with your own life and progressing things like this because you want to. It does sound like a good job with Gma. You clarified that boundary, but maintained the relationship at the same time.

I get that dynamic about your H 'seeking approval' from you. It's a funny one with MLC. One one level, my H seems to care not a jot for me. I have been wiped from his life. But on another level, I think MLCers need to know we approve. My H and I spoke last week (first time in a while!) He told me about some activities he had been doing, and seemed keen to 'show off' to me about them. It was almost childlike...

I agree about the dog. Maybe H could occasionally take puppy out, rather than having 'joint custody?'

Enjoy your lovely garden! T x

[CaliGuy]

M

Yeah like job .... I was wondering when your 'friend' was going to push .... as a guy, well ... yeah wine and movies I know your intentions and you had already stated he pressed for more prior I just did not see that going away, you handled it well and he is miffed because he probably seen a crack in the door with a possible future green light but you have pretty clearly showed him the Stop sign ... well handled .. things should not be strange and awkward.

As far as the dog ... your dog issue and mine seem a bit different. During the Anger/Replay phase W pretty much abandoned me and the pooch ... but when she started towards the end of Replay and into Reconnection she would want me to bring him for the lake walks, she would ask to see him on Facetime while talking to S, would TM here n there she missed him, now there is a bit of back and forth but not much as the 5:00am walk-wake ups he is famous for disrupts her routine.
I agree ... I do think its boundary time, your house, your dog .. his choice to leave both. I know you can pull this off all calm and collected cool chick like just as you handled Granny-Enabler. Wow ... did I just say that .. yup ... lol. You sound really good... in a good spot ... sounds like you have all the makings for some killer summer parties which I will need some notice ... its a long Bike ride but I will crash any party for ribs.

[mleigh4]

Thank you so much for your posts and support! You guys would be correct, I am feeling great. Very high PMA lately, really loving life and looking forward to the summer. I am super proud of the fact that I was left to take care of the house and am doing it well. The house looks better than ever! H has been teaching me how to program the light timers, the sprinkler system, how to open the garage in case of a power outage! Ya, I was stuck which is why I walked to the restaurant. I grew up in apartments, and H took care of all this stuff. But I am Learning and thriving and love my home more than ever.

When my new neighbor came over, she told me the house has a really good energy. She said it feels peaceful. That was nice to hear.

S had his last day at school today and brought his best report card yet home. He did stellar in every subject and I am so proud of him. I have been doing my best to keep our life as normal as possible and it seems to be paying off! I truly believe son and I are thriving right now in spite of H.

As far as dog....this is how I see it. I'm sure he wants her around because he misses her and loves her. That has kept me being empathic about it. However, I have been dealing with those feelings for almost 2 years now with H and son! I have been shown very little empathy, given no choice, and it's time to realize that I matter too. If H needs a dog, he needs to get himself a dog. Ours was bought for our home, and she helps me to feel safe. I am ready to say that all to H next time it comes up, I no longer worry so much about rocking the boat! I can't physically keep him from taking her, but I will no longer help.

[mleigh4]

Cali- to say grammy-enabler is spot on. Monday H had S all day, school was closed. H was supposed to take S to dentist that afternoon. Instead? Grammy took S to dentist while H went grocery shopping. It really is sad.....and extremely unattractive!

She bails him out and comes to his rescue time after time after time......

[BrightFuture]

Hey, mleigh, great job on handling the “Granny issue”, LOL. And great job on the house! It is very empowering, isn’t it, to know that you can do things on your own. My H used to take care of a lot things in the house. I was mostly doing the yard work. I’m lucky that I have a son who also knows how to do a lot of things, so I ask him for help. At the same time, I’ve learnt a lot too. And keep learning…

Congrats on your son finishing the school year with great results.

As for the dog… I would probably feel the same, but at the same time the dog seems to represent some kind of connection for your H, besides the fact that he misses him. My dog was found by H and brought to our house from a different state. So, he was kind a special to both of us. At some point, not long before BD, I felt that H didn’t care much about the dog. Until about a year ago, when I started hearing the rumors (from our mutual friends) that H misses the dog, and even mentioning him as “his dog”. He never asked to take him, not even for a walk. So, no sharing of custody here .

[mleigh4]

Hi Bright. I feel extremely empowered by bringing my home back to life and learning how to take care of it. It helps with my self confidence so much. A friend got caught up on things this weekend and told me to be careful, son is watching all this and that I am setting high standards for any future wife for him. Lol, I'll take that as a compliment

As far as dog, I also had a friend suggest to just keep it simple with H and to just try telling him that dog helps me to feel safe at home. That is the biggest reason I don't like her away. It's worth a try.

Fun weekend. S and I hung out Friday night playing in hot tub, listening to music, and enjoying the very warm weather. I never initiate contact with H, but I did text him about S's perfect report card. H was a little confused about his level of all subjects being "early advanced", asked if it meant S was skipping a grade, just didn't understand what it meant. I sighed, read the text out loud and said to son, you do see where you get your brains from, right?, while pointing to myself. S busted out laughing, was pretty funny.

Saturday I dropped of S with H on my way to meet friends. H asked if I was going to the beach, twice. I told him I wish but no, then did not offer my plans. Said my goodbyes and off I went. Got a massage followed by food and drinks with friends. Came home and watched some tv, quiet night.

Sunday, I didn't hear from H by 2, which is normal time for S to come home. So I TM H that S and I had hot tub and bbq plans for the afternoon. I ended up going to pick him up. I ALMOST invited H over to eat, but couldn't get it from my head to my mouth. S and I had a fun afternoon.

Fathers Day is coming up, not sure if I will offer to do anything or not. I mean, I was fired as his wife, right? If anything, he should just take S to spend some time with. I don't think I am up for being a part of it. Knowing H, he will invite himself over like he did for his birthday.....we will see. ...

[CaliGuy]

Sounding good M

Good call on the Fathers Day thing ... I think its a wise move for all us LBS to disregard those types of days ... more of the attitude "Hey its F-day I'm sure you would enjoy spending time with your S... here ya go have fun" which turns it into 'US' day as we can GAL and relax.

[mleigh4]

Strange interaction with H yesterday. I normally don't see him on Tuesdays, but he needed to bring by S's things from night before, said he didn't have time in the morning to drop it off. So, he was already at house when S and I pulled up. He walked out from the side of the house, my first thought being WTF is he doing now? Right away said he was grabbing the air conditioner. I said what aIr conditioner? He said, one he brought home a long time ago. I swear, I don't know where he has all this stuff stored and how I didn't know about it!?

Anyway, he said a quick hello to S, but seemed very rushed an d distracted. Real antsy. I mentioned S had a field trip the next day, he just said oh. Mentioned big game tonight! No response. So we stood at the garage door, he didn't come in, didn't visit dog or cat, just did a little rambling and said he had to go. S and I went in house, H took about 15 minutes to tie up the air conditioner in back of his truck, and off he went. I watched to make sure he didn't take anything else.

So strange, like a stranger. Could there be drug use going on here? Or is he just in a spin cycle during interaction? For whatever reason, it left me unsettled and feeling sad....for him.

However, I shook it right off and S and I had a great night. We just played all night, no video games! That is rare

[mleigh4]

Cali, it's just not in me right now to offer anything for him for Fathers Day. Even though he gave me a nice breakfast on Mother's Day...... it's just not in me. It would be forced.

Feels good to have let go of him, but it still surprises me how far away I have gotten emotionally.