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[mleigh4]

I forgot to post my dream last night. I rarely dream about H. We were on a cruise ship and all my family was there too. My aunt's, uncles, cousins.... we were all there to celebrate H and I renewing our vows. So I had my wedding dress, and was getting dressed, and thinking it was all wrong. I didn't want a traditional wedding style ceremony, I wanted H and I to do this on a beach, toes in the sand, sundress, low key. So I called H in my room, he was dressed in his suit, the one we got married in. I told him how I felt and he said ok, let's change the plan and do that.

Ugh, he looked so handsome, those eyes.... my old H. So we told our family, then my dream became weird like they always do, and I grabbed S and we rushed off to get on the next cruise ship for our cruise, the one we have scheduled in July. Just me and S, we left H behind.

[mleigh4]

Feeling a little icky, not sure why, but will get to that....

Having a nice weekend. H TM yesterday morning that he was going to go to Costco and to let him know what I need. I told him, then added to let us know if he needed help shopping. He said he would pick us up. We all went to Costco, I was excited because I haven't been in months and always like seeing what they have, so I enjoyed it. And for the first time, I didn't have anxiety or concern about getting in H's truck for fear of smelling girl. There was no smell, the seat was in my position, and I think I am starting to let go of that fear.

H talked my ear off, all about work and a guy he had to lay off. H talked about how messed up this guy is, how he has messed up his life and continues to make bad choices. H said he felt really bad about it and wished there was something he could do to help. It was surreal, hearing H explain MY feelings about HIM, to a T. But I had STFU written in my mind, loud and clear, and did a great job of it. I just listened and only at the end said, I know you like helping people, we are fixers, but this guy can only help himself. He is going to have to figure it out.

Very interesting conversation.

After shopping, we stopped to pick up 2 of son's buddies, H was taking them all to his place. So they dropped me off and went on their way.

A few hours later, the mom of the boys TM me for H address. She said she could not get a hold of him, so was heading over there to pick up her boys. I gave her his address, but was really worried that H blew it. He is trying so hard....so about an hour later, without hearing from anyone, I TM the mom asking, all good? She said she went and hung out for a little while, and decided to let the boys sleepover there. She said H must be exhausted, that he was perfect for the boys and working hard to all have fun. I was so happy to hear it worked out and let her know adding that H is trying hard to connect with S, he is just bad with his phone!

So I settled in for a nice quiet night. Had my wine, pizza and Netflix. So this is where I am struggling. A friend TM, he needed a place to stay. He lives with his sister, floors being redone. We have been friends for 25 years, he worked with H way back and originally tried to set H and I up, he was also married to a good friend of mine. He has his issues, but is a good friend of mine. We do have a brief past history, before H, and he has shown an interest in me, but I have made it very clear I love my husband and am keeping my side of the street clean.

So he came over, we watched movies, drank wine, he slept in spare room, me in mine. Totally innocent, had a nice time, it was nice to have some company. We talked a little about H, he worries H is doing drugs. But he says he does not know that for sure, said it could explain his new workaholic life. He also mentioned that he saw H driving the other day and waved, and H did not wave back. H is not very fond of friend, mainly because of issues and trouble he has gotten into, drugs and prison with past wife problems. I know it sounds bad, but I know friend well, he is harmless but good at getting himself in pickles!

Anyway, I am worried now. About H finding out and thinking the wrong thing. I know H does not want me hanging out with friend. What if neighbor, who knows H, tells him? Not sure why I care so much, but I do. I guess lesson learned, if it bothers me this much, don't do again. So, feeling a bit icky about it.

H is supposed to drop S soon and help me pick up a new canopy at Home Depot. He just sent me pics of the boys toasting marshmallows last night, said they are crazy and up until midnight.

[RAI]

Thanks for stopping by

my pleasure! It's so weird how I don't mingle too much with folks outside of the newcomer's thread. My W is WAW and MLC, but I still feel very much like newcomer to all this.

Anyway, I am worried now. About H finding out and thinking the wrong thing. I know H does not want me hanging out with friend. What if neighbor, who knows H, tells him? Not sure why I care so much, but I do. I guess lesson learned, if it bothers me this much, don't do again. So, feeling a bit icky about it.

Were you worried before he came over? Did your antennae go up first, or did you only feel badly about it afterward?
Why do we fuss so much about doing the "right" thing? And being perceived as having done the "right" thing? Especially when our spouses don't care at all about their own behavior. Don't get defensive. You know you did nothing wrong, so if the subject comes up, you have nothing to hide.

RAI

[job]

I wouldn't worry about what you h thinks about your guest last evening. After all, your son wasn't there and you are a grown woman who was being kind to someone who needed a place to stay.

As for your neighbor telling him stuff...shame on him. He needs to mind his own business. I'm sure there was a lot of stuff that went on in your home when your h was living there alone and you didn't know about. I wouldn't worry about that nosy neighbor.

Enjoy your free time.

[mleigh4]

RAI, so you are on newcomers? That would explain why I don't see your postings about your own sitch. There is great support on this site, I hope it is helping you. This is no easy road we are on!

my antenna went up before. In fact, this has come up before, but I always have excuses. Last night I figured, what the heck, I welcomed the company. I figured I will just make it clear, friends only. I am not naive and know friend would take more if an option. I guess that is why I have avoided it, but I am glad we talked about it. He said I have made myself clear. But I don't think I will go there again based on how it left me feeling.

Job, I can't count the times H has acted inappropriately and the reality of it has been left to my imagination. I do know I did nothing wrong, but friend is somewhat known as a player, it looks bad as innocent as it is and that is what bothers me, even though it really shouldn't.

This has helped me realize I am still in this and still care very much about my marriage. So much so that I am openly saying that to people now instead of staying quiet. It [censored], I fear those feelings of hope and is why I have been trying to fight it by shutting myself down more than ever from H. To protect myself. He has been on my mind a lot lately, I am missing him and trying really hard to not get caught up in it. like all of our come and go emotions, I am sure it will pass so I will just feel them and ride it out.

H dropped off S and stopped off on the way to pick up my canopy for me. I tried to help him carry it into the back yard, but he said not to, doesn't want me to hurt myself. Once we got it in the back, we sat down and he told me about his night with the kids, showed me some video. Says next time they want to camp out and asked to borrow the tent for it.

When he was leaving, I noticed he forgot to grab his part of the dog food we split, so I ran it out to his truck. He jumped out and said "be careful, you are barefoot and I just found a few more pieces of glass on the driveway." I guess I didn't do a very good clean up, need to redo.

He also gave me my insurance slip for my truck that we just renewed. It has his new address on it. He handed it to me and said, "I apologize for the address on there, I don't know why it got changed, I didn't ask them to do that"

Must ....keep ...... moving forward.......

[job]

I do understand how you feel about your guest and being above board on this stuff. Of course you care about your marriage. You've not given up and are still hoping and praying for his crisis to be resolved and all of you back under one roof. If you didn't care, I would think that there is something wrong w/you.

I find it interesting that the address was changed. It wouldn't have happened automatically, so he must have had it changed and forgot that he did it. Oh, well...the memory is down the tube these days.

Stay the course and yep, continue moving forward.

[mleigh4]

Thank you Job, you're posts mean so much to me, you are a true comfort to me You are right, there would be something wrong if I didn't care.

He had to get renters insurance, so that changed the address for everything. Makes sense to me, I knew right away what happened, but I STFU. I appreciated his apology though.

Yes, my goal this week is to bring my PMA back up to par. Enjoying my Sunday night with son and fur babies, a good start

[2BHappy]

M4
Sounds like you are all doing really good.

Yes, I can see where you would worry about your overnight guests. But you know your intentions, so cut yourself some slack.

Focus on PMA and GAL, let me know your plans? I need some new ideas?

[mleigh4]

Hi 2B. I don't have many GAL ideas lately. In fact, I have been wanting to just be home more and more!

I'm a little.....annoyed right now. Maybe someone can help put this into perspective for me? Tonight S is with H. I am exhausted and was just dozing off and I hear a text from H. Out of the ordinary to get a random text from him. It says, we went for a hike! He created a picture of his house and barn, taken from way out in the field, with a mini pic of him and son in the corner. So, it's more of a pic of his stupid place. I don't know if I am explaining it well....

But I just dropped my phone and said WTF? Am I supposed to be....thrilled and happy to receive a pic of his place, of him being so proud of it?

I may be seeing and taking this all wrong, so please, let me know. It's an adorable mini pic of him and son in the corner, but the pic of his place really threw me.

I don't even know what to respond. In fact, for the first time, I think I may not.

Ouch you guys. That one hurt.

[LoisB]

M, put it in perspective...he's not all there. He is wackadoo, no matter what glimpses you may see of the old H.

I'm sure it hurt. I'm sorry. But, I'm just as sure that he is oblivious. Teenagers aren't capable of much sensitivity. Sadly, that's who he is right now.