Barb, the reason I quit was that I didn't like the person I'd become...and an emerg doctor sat me down and told me "Whatis, this is going to kill you one day, maybe not today or tomorrow or next month but one day you're going to die from this" He gave me a number for a rehab clinic and I used it. I saw a Psychiatrist use the same technique on a client of mine once and the client's eyes bugged out of his head...shrink told him "with the shape of your liver, I give you ten years tops". I helped get him into a halfway house and a few years ago I saw in the news that this same client saved a number of people from a burning building. Wow, if the shrink and i hadn't of helped him those many years ago those people would have probably died 'cuz he wouldn't have been there. Nice feeling.
Absolutely! It's not an easy road and to have this thrust upon her so early in a relationship pretty much dooms that relationship...in my opinion. I'm sure she has the romantic notion in her head that it would be bad to abandon him in his time of need...but she needs to do it. Reality suucks but it is what it is.
She hasn't said much. We went out new car shopping. She was really into that. She talked about him a little bit. I'm not sure she has completely given up the notion that it could work out but she refers to him far in the future if he got help. And that will fade in time no doubt. It takes a while for the heart to let go.
But she seems a lot better. I really think the new car focus is helping.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She seems to be cycling. Happy one minute, even ecstatic. The next - she is meeting him for ice cream (I wanted to die). Then she is here and she is crying about $.
I have my dad visiting for 3 days. We are very close but since I moved - I don't get much alone time with him. When she came over yesterday & started crying - I gently suggested she go home & go to bed early. I've helped her in every way I possibly can but I simply wasn't going to have her spoil my "Dad" time.
I felt bad though & invited her over tonight for dinner & to play a board game with us. I'm sure she wants to spend time with her Papa too. And she was glad to accept.
She bought her new Jeep on Saturday with plan to pick it up Thurs after hearing about financing. Josh told her he was treating us out for sushi lunch at her fav place. She then whispered to me that her BF had just offered to take her there for lunch. I was not amused but said nothing.
At lunch - she texted her dad a pic of the Jeep & told him she had just bought it. He texted back -"I guess I'm happy for you". She was hurt & confused by that. WTF? You'd think he'd be proud & happy. She did it without asking him for any help. She is paying for it on her own. WTF?
So she got the financing without my Co-signing which is so good - for her to establish credit on her own. Then last night she is acting like she is totally broke & can't afford a thing.
So - my take on it is that seeing BF again has thrown her into a tailspin. I think she is lonely. & I think she wants to rescue.
Sigh... I talked to her about AA. She might go if I go with her. But she has to lead.
Barb, I'm glad you got a new vehicle and yes, it does take a chunk out of your paycheck, but she'll learn to manage her money even more wisely than she does now. Who knows...she may be able to pick up some extra time at her job or she may consider a part time job to supplement her wages. But, that will be up to Ashley to figure out.
I'm glad your dad is visiting. It's difficult not seeing a parent whenever you want, but at least he's there for a short visit and you two can do some things together.
Barb, I'm so sorry Ashley is going through this, but she will get thru it and be far wiser than she ever was before. She's an intelligent young lady and has a mom who is very concerned about her and will support her no matter what.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanx. Ashley was overtired that night & sending her home was the right thing to do. She actually has a part time job on weekends to help & cleans for me & watches Ryan at night when I'm away. She is learning to balance that. I am willing to pay her a bit ahead since she is most reliable & I've considered figuring out monthly payments to her according to all the nights she is here in winter when I'm in Florida - when she gets paid a lot - this way - it would be more consistent.
I think the part that bothers me most is that she is still seeing the boyfriend. At least she has been up front & told me. I know if I say too much - she will just stop telling me.
Lat night she was in a great mood. Happy to spend time with her Papa & I & she won the board game! She has sorted out her car insurance & is excited to get her new Jeep tomm. She told me she was just emotionally exhausted & Pmsing etc.
I'm like sponge. I always take on the problems & emotions of others. I need to learn to be a duck & let it all roll right off my back.
Hey Barb, you've been a great Mom and you're holding your tongue regarding bf...an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to do. Let her know you're there, set boundaries and don't let her suuck you into her vortex (and I can see you are setting boundaries). On the positive side, she's not letting him move back in with her, she's testing the waters and seeing whether his claims will turn out to be true. I know that's not comforting as you wish he'd fall off the face of the earth! Hang in there and keep being the great Mom that you are
I know how difficult it is to keep your opinions and feelings to yourself when it's an issue like Ashley has. Kudos to you, because you're right that she won't tell you things if you continually express your displeasure.
So I just want to tell you I admire your ability to do what you need to do to keep the lines of communication open.
BTW, have I told you lately that Chuck is a d1ck?
Hugs-Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
