Can use the group's help on something. Thurs my ww brought up, after my things are all out of the house, giving her my key.
She said they boys will have a copy of both of our keys anyway, if they forget something or need something in the house. When I hesitated, she asked if I would feel comfortable giving her a key to my place - I told her I thought so, but would have to think about it.
I'm sure she really doesn't want a key to my place, her point being, why should I be the only one allotted the privacy and place of my own, when I'm the one who moved out?
I told her that for me, my hesitation wasn't about giving her the key, it felt like she was asking for it because she needed to be worried or felt I was a threat and that hurts.
Ultimately, she said it was more about having a place of her own and wanting that space.
I'm not sure what to do now. I told her I needed time to process things and wasn't saying "no", just needed to think.
The boys will have a key if I really needed something. While this could be a control thing for her, that's been one of the things that's come up for us in the past - that I've been too controlling. I could see me holding on to the key being more of the same.
I also could see me giving the key back a sign of dropping the rope and moving on.
What are your thoughts? Not sure what to do here.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I'm by no means a vet here, but I think you should give it to her. I can't really see any reason to hang on to it e cept to continue to feel like you have some level of control in the situation. Like you said, it's possible to get something if you really need it. I actually think you'll feel better after getting rid of it.
Rip, Legally, I believe you have a right to have access to the marital home at this stage. From a DB standpoint, I'm not sure what the right move is. I can see the figurative meaning in giving up the key.
As far as keys to your new place, I don't think you need to give STBX a key. That's your place. If she needs to get some of the kids things, she can make arrangements with you, just like a friend or neighbor would.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Thanks, Matt and Defacto. Yes, legally, I'm sure I have a right, but not sure it's the right thing to do.
Again, I'm very sure was does not want a key to my new place, was just using it to show how I might feel about giving up some of my freedom, piece of mind and personal space to her. She wants a "place of her own".
I think I'm leaning towards giving her the key because it can show letting go and dropping the rope.
Am I missing something here? What does everyone else think? Thanks again!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
The boys will have a key if I really needed something. While this could be a control thing for her, that's been one of the things that's come up for us in the past - that I've been too controlling. I could see me holding on to the key being more of the same.
I also could see me giving the key back a sign of dropping the rope and moving on.
Yep.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Why would I keep the key? Because it still gives me some attachment to her and what was our home/life together. Even though I'm out, I'd still psychologically be able to be back with the key I've had for 8 years.
That's the point and the reason I need to give it back - ATTACHMENT. If I am truly dropping the rope, there's no reason for me to have it.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
