I know how you feel sweet Smothy. I need a hug too. A real one. I feel for you being on you own. I was there many moons ago. The only comfort I had was that I hadn't seen her yesterday, and wouldn't see her tomorrow - but it is not much comfort really.
i wish I could be more help. I really do wish you all the best. I am just lacking the experience of knowing just the right direction that will help you through this. The heart ache would be agony enough without feeling like you are responsible for causing it. Keep in mind that you were not the only player here. He deserves at least some of the credit. Even up until 2011.
Maybe you discussed this in detail earlier and I missed it. It seems like an extraordinarily long ordeal for anyone to suffer. I think you know, as do I, that life goes on. You can choose it to be however you want. The saving grace of DBing is not necessarily divorce busting (for us LRT,LBS) it is NOT closing the door by becoming bitter and maximising the person you will be in the future.
I strongly suspect that a very very small minority of people in the world have ever had this chance of self exploration. That in itself is exciting don't you think. Just imagine how great life will be when you get past this. You may not be able to "repay" your H, but you may have the chance to repay some body elses former H, while you H finds his own path. I feel this for my W. If only she would give me a chance now I could share this Py6.0 with her.
Before I sleep myself, 2:30am here, one thing that I have found enlightening over the past several days is reading different articles about "core beliefs". Google it. When you can or are ready can you please share some things with me? I would like to discuss them with someone in the same predicament as I am. And you are an enigma, you haven't really told much about yourself other than your H has left you because you were such a controlling, domineering b***ch (not b***chy but you know what I mean). I reckon there is more to it than that.
Take care of yourself (((Smothy))). Goodnight.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
just checking in. how are you going? already done a few cycles of my own today. it is amazing that no matter how good a day I am having it really gets me going when I see her maiden name attached to everything. This was one of the firstlings she did a few days after separation. although that is a joke really, it was D from day 1 as far as she was concerned.
you know what - Sandi's WW thread is spot on. applies to your H as well. They were unhappy for one reason or another. somebody said hello, flirted, all harmless right. but they got used to it and liked it and wanted more of it. etc. Where is the S's fault in this behaviour? Nowhere. It was their behaviour, their reaction. Of course their were options. but they took this. Is it human, is it forgiveable. Maybe - but it doesn't change the fact that you did not force him to OW. He chose it. And whats more he waited for you to be OS before he reignited old A. How can this be your fault Smothy?
We always wish that they had've handled it better, well better in our eyes anyway. Apart from it being debatable what that better way is, I dont think it happens that often.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Pyrite, Bob, Huddy, thank you. All your support on this fiorum means so much to me. Hugs and prayers to you all.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
I am feeling much better thIs morning. When I turned my iPod on this morning the first song was Walk away - M people and the second was Smile -U2 then Lights - Ellie Goulding. Weird. A message is being sent to me :-)
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Pyrite, Bob, Huddy, thank you. All your support on this fiorum means so much to me. Hugs and prayers to you all.
Hello Smothy,
You're welcome - that's why we are here.
Thank you for the hugs and prayers.
What a wonderful "family" we have here, don't we Smothy?
Take care of yourself.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I am feeling much better thIs morning. When I turned my iPod on this morning the first song was Walk away - M people and the second was Smile -U2 then Lights - Ellie Goulding. Weird. A message is being sent to me :-)
Pleasure. have a good day
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Pyrite, my IC and I talked about 'core beliefs' at the beginning of our sessions and we are beginning to work through these. The main ones are 'I believe I am unloveable'. A lot of my behaviours anger/ control has stemmed from this one belief.
The EA in 2011, I far as I was aware, was NOT through out until present. This is what i believed EA 2011 July until Jan 2012. Resumed contact April 2013 - July 2013. Resumed contact Dec 2014, friend saw them together in pub so don't know prior to this whether they were seeing each other. H told me this episode I believe because he knew I would be told by friend.
Like all EA, was told only friends, someone to talk to, I would never go out with a single mom. Made a move to move out in August 2013, H begged me stay, I guess we never dealt with these issues then.
Last year best year ever. H sanctioned and wanted me to have my needs met by a co-worker, says it's his fantasy, I slept with coworker, 2 more times. H announces he wants a D because of my betrayal and lies as I had affair with coworker and slept with him 2 more times that he did not sanction. Co-worker left in November.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
This combined with my emotional abuse, his conflict avoidance tactics made our relationship very unhealthy. :-(
We both played a part in the demise. I have owned my part, but he refuses to see how damaging his EA was and said it was nothing like my betrayal of sleeping with co-worker which H initially sanctioned.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Writing this, has made me see how broken we both are.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
