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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 543
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 543
You still around?


Me-44 (45)
H- 50 (51)
M-'96

S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)

BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas)
home Oct(sep rooms)
(EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed)
insists wants D through July 2015
no more talk of D since
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
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overcom Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
hi hopeful. im hopeless. frown
i dont have the heart to do anything anymore. ive been a crying mess all day today!


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
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overcom Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
hi lost. yes i am. im so hopeless. ive done everything i can. ive been a mess today


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
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OP Offline
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O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
I give up


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
Rule #1.

Never never give up no matter how bleak it looks or how bad you feel. Never give up.

Go dark with him, do not contact him, call him, text him, even though every fiber of your being aches to do so. Let him miss you.

You need to GAL, seriously, it's the only thing that will get you over the funk and despair you are feeling. Trust me, I know the feeling well. It comes and goes but it truly tied to GAL. I know you feel like you can't do anything on your own, but YOU CAN and YOU MUST.

Do something, anything, make a list if you have to. Make it as simple or basic as you need it to be to start feeling better.

1. get out of bed
2. brush my teeth
3. get dressed
4. eat breakfast

Keep posting!!!


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
You can do it depress. One foot at a time. Don't define you by him and his actions. Define you by YOU and your actions. You are valuable. Regardless of the M, do this so you can live and live happily again.

I believe in you.


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
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Posts: 2,708
What do you mean by giving up? What would your life look like after giving up?

If you mean you're feeling suicidal ask for help right now.

If you mean you're giving up on your M, depending on what you'd do after that decision it might not be all bad. There's not much difference between giving up and detachment if you take healthy steps afterwards that aren't controlling or limiting of the future.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 477
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 477
Hang in there. You can do it! I know it's hard. Take it one day at a time or even hour by hour. Really focus on yourself right now. Take this time to do something for yourself that you would not normally do.

Keep posting

((hugs))


H: 49
W: 47
D: 6
M: 6 1/2 yrs
H: Bomb #1 6-2010
H: Bomb #2 7-2011
H: Separated: 7-11-11
Reconciling 2-2012
Separated: 1-31-15 (I asked him to move out)
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
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overcom Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
Thank god those suicidal feelings went away quick after my hospitalization. I give up on teying to win him back.


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 541
D
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 541
Hey depress... I'm new here, only three weeks since the bomb drop. There's been a pit in my stomach every morning, and a few days I just had to lay there in bed for a few hours because I didn't have the strength or the will to do anything at all. I spent last night away from the house... I know it unnerved my WW, who got home a little before midnight after a party and movie with the OW. She expects me to be around and be her comfort, and in her bed, even as she does what she pleases.

But it was good to get out of that environment and clear my head a little. I feel okay so far this early morning... as I'm really thinking about me and what I need to do for myself going forward. It helps too to think about all the things about my WW that I won't miss if we never piece things back together: her constant need for attention, her neediness, her incessant talk of money and real estate... things I had allowed and even allowed to define me, in a way. We have been doing the real estate business together, but to be honest, I don't like it! For me, it's been a means to an end - for her, it's almost like an obsession.

And now she has this other obsession - and I see how she can get so totally absorbed in something (a career, an affair) that isn't healthy. She needs help and prayer, and I'm working to shift my view of her from wanting her to come back to me as my wife, to someone I love unconditionally but with necessary detachment and boundaries right now. To be honest, I am not very hopeful that we will reconcile. But I feel I have to give it all I have, because I made a commitment to her, and to us. And so, I am her biggest prayer warrior right now - praying for her to stop being so self-destructive, not praying for any particular outcome for our situation. I think that's just how I need to approach things going forward.

Hope you keep posting and listening to the very wise people on these boards.


Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
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