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Joined: Jan 2015
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Bravo, give that little one a big hug. You were right, I shoulda grabbed a tissue.

Stay strong, we are praying for you.


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Thanks Z.

So S told me that twice in the last month XW has cussed at him. Once she told him to "get your [censored] & get in the car". And on Mother's Day "that was a dumbass move". The woman I married would NEVER do something like that. Doing my best not to call her & cuss her out. This place is Gamorrah and she's loving it here.

I waited until the next day until I was calm to address this with her.

She said she doesn't remember "anything of the kind happening".
My response: I let him know that if it happened that you love him and sometimes adults get stressed out (especially dads) but you would never intentionally hurt his feelings. Just thought you should know.

A couple hrs later, she asked if I wanted them on one of her nights when she has to work. Um, hell yeah.


I have to say, without going through this crap and the work I've put in, I would've been a monster to her about something like that. I would've berated her, criticized her, and questioned her as a parent. Now, I'm still upset but reacting in that manner would just make things worse.

She may not care or even notice the difference, but I feel better about myself for it.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

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Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Hello all.

Say a prayer for me tomorrow as that would've been our 12 yr wedding anniversary. I know she remembers it as our S has been fixated on it. It's also exchange day but I won't mention it or acknowledge it to her.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
Z
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Happy anniversary bravo. Looks like your 1 year is coming up as well. At least they aren't on the same day!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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bravo61 Offline OP
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yeah thanks Zues frown that'll be something great to relive. hope you are doing well.

well just came from S baseball party. the XW was there w/my D too.

when they pulled up, XW asked me to talk to S about his attitude. apparently he got upset and screamed at her about the divorce. i just told him i understood he was not happy about it but that he still needed to show his mother respect and to not let it happen again. couldn't help but wonder if she was passively agressively blaming it on me as she has done in the past. i let her know that i agree that behavior was out of line. if she wants to blame me whatever, i don't really care.

she came up to me and asked if i wanted a salad bar and to sit with them. i smiled and said thanks for the offer but i'll pass. she then asked me to pull up a chair with them. i told her i appreciate it but that's ok. i went outside and made a couple of calls. i just didn't want to sit with them like we were a family. it's not like i was trying to spite her i just didn't want to. after my calls, i came inside and sat in the corner watching a game on tv until the trophies were presented.

after, i went to go give D a hug and kiss when XW said "you could have sat with us. i wasn't gonna do anything. i'm sorry if i offended you by dragging you into it". i let her know pleasantly that i wasn't mad at her or offended and everything was fine. she seemed really put out and said again that she was sorry if she offended me and i didn't have to go outside. she also said that S had not had a outburst like that in a couple of weeks since we had "addressed" it (when she sent me a email that she ran through her atty stating that she had the kids best interest at heart and i should not be using them as "spies". and what she did/whom she saw was none of my business and potential new relationships shouldn't be forced on the kids soon. in spite of the fact that she went on a date with a guy that she had a playdate with previously-hypocrite much).

i validated that S was wrong to speak to her like that regardless of his feelings. i gave kids hugs and left.

so overall i was pleasant but did not reach out to her or play like we are a happy family but i was not obvious about it she was very obviously irritated by my behavior and lack of focus on her. not mind reading as when she's upset she gets a red rash across the top of her chest. i did not let her rattle me and i did not respond when she tried to push my buttons.

all this on top of yesterdays interaction at the Dx appt for my D. she asked about my day and i kinda walked off to get books to read my D while we waited. just kind of getting into a pattern of deflecting or ignoring when she asks about me or ask her about the upcoming schedule to push the conversation in another direction.

don't think she knows how to feel about any of this. i know she was shocked that i didn't jump to defend myself or ask her if she's ok or immediately start telling her i had nothing to do with his outburst. no more crumbs for me. i deserve more than that. it has been a solid year and i still do not lose my cool, blame her for my life circumstances, question her, or tell her how to feel or that she's made and is still making a huge selfish mistake.

i still love her but i'm feeling the "done" coming on.

Last edited by bravo61; 06/03/15 02:02 AM.

M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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(UN)happy bomb drop day everyone. Gonna spend it working out an working on learning a new guitar tune.

Interested in opinions regarding the last interactions. Hope everyone has a great day!


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,098
Z
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Z
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,098
Which Tune Are you working on. Just started a few months ago with the acoustic guitar and having a blast with it every day. I am working on 'Red Light' by david nail...awesome song. maybe not the most appropriate DB tune, but still love it nonetheless.

On your interactions, it sounds like you did well with the things you said and did. It took strength and confidence to be able to handle all that you have to date.

Only issue is if you wanted to see the kids, you could've stuck around and had a sit with them while they ate. I understand the 'not wanting to play like a happy family' thing. If that was you neighbor watching your kids, would U have sat down and at least been able to be civil. IDK, maybe I am spit-balling here or nit picking...but I know I would rather see them than not.


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Hey Z.

Working on Thinking out Loud. It's amazing the things you can find on YouTube.

I was just there to support S. He knew where I was and even came and sat in my lap during trophy presentations. Regarding the "neighbor" thing, if my neighbor did what she has done to me & the kids, I'd burn their house down.

I guess I'm not concerned about her seeing me as a great Dad in the hopes of impressing her. I'm past that and I know I'm a great dad. My kids know I love them and know they can depend on me. My D even tries to get me to make promises because "daddy never lies and always keeps his Word". I also don't want to sit there and witness her ignoring life around her so she can play on her phone.

Part of me wonders if she was embarrassed in front of the other families. I made chit chat with other folks and helped some of the moms carrying stuff in and with the wild toddlers running around.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,098
Z
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Offline
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Z
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,098
Awesome, that is a fun sounding song project.

It sounds you have a handle on that situation, better than I do for sure. Wishin you a calm rest of the day!


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
B
bravo61 Offline OP
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At the Dx appt last week XW also mentioned that the funniest things come out of kids mouths & relayed a story bout a kid that D plays with at S b ball games. The little girl said that her mom get spanked by her dad at bedtime all the time. I just looked at her kinda smiled and said it must be nice and certainly sounds like fun. She got kinda red faced. She's also mentioned fifteen how she's working so much cause she's worried about paying the property taxes $5k+ & hoa dues $5k+.

I don't know if my attitude is starting to affect her. it seems as if she is trying to figure me out. once again on Sat (at soccer games) she invited me to sit with her and again i declined. later on she did the whole "i'm sorry if i offended you" again. and then later she asked if i was mad. both times i smiled at her and said of course not.

i know that she has had a couple of screw ups with the kids that in the past i would have blown up at her about but not anymore. one of them was i was concerned about S having an X box with the internet chat option. well it came back to haunt her as her got involved in a ruor about kids at his school that came out. she's concerned that he may get kicked out. i just told her that i know she's doing the best she can with them and i prolly would've missed the loophole too. she kinda just looked at me. she also said that she had a bad day at work. i told her that i was sorry and i'd be praying for her.

i've made a habit of dressing up and smelling good when she comes to get the kids and leaving before them. my S keeps asking me what i'm doing and i just say i've got plans.

today i taught my D how to ride the bike without training wheels. just another milestone she's chosen herself and selfish interests over. oh well, it's sad but the kids notice these things.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

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