Thank You Wonka! That is what I needed to hear. All my life I have been scared to do certain things because of how it will affect the other person. This is something that is a blessing and curse. I know she will make me out as a bad guy because I filed while she was out taking care of her mother. But like I explained to her, it would be different if she was staying with her mom, not renting her own house, hasn't lied to me for the past 2 years, was still acting like my wife, wasn't talking about D12 going to school out there and all the other BS I have put up with! Last night, I just decided I have had enough. I am so tired of having this crap in the back of my mind every day. I just want to move on with my life!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I have changed my mind on when to tell wife about filing. I don't want there to be a scene. She has used the older kids in the past when I have laid out my boundaries. And things have gotten ugly. She will probably do the same with the younger ones. The kids are going to be upset as it is. I would also like her to leave in peace. Calm, cool and collected. The way things have been around here, I am not even sure if she will be upset. She may even be relieved.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Had a GREAT time with my GAL activity last night!! I played golf with the men's league. First time I have played since I was 17. Had a great time!
I have thought hard this week about my filing for legal separation. Today the check gets mailed to the attorney with the documents he needs. It has been a hard decision to make. I feel like I have failed in my marriage and feel that this is my fault. But I also feel like I want to learn from this and grow to be a better person. I also feel like if WW had not became Wayward, things could have been worked out. My view on this is either grow up and work on things between us or it's time for us both to move on.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Well all hell broke loose tonight!! D21 was texting me today some. She asked me if WW got a new truck. I told her yes. She asked what happened to the other car she had. D21 sold the other car to WW. Finances were tight and we were not able to make alot of payments for it. Last I knew the plan was to give it back to D21 when she got a new vehicle. WW sold it and kept the money. D21 is pissed. She is also not happy WW is moving. She asked me if we are getting a divorce. I said I don't know. D21 said that her grandma said her mom filed papers. I asked WW about it and she claims she has not. WW broke out in tears and was freaking out everyone was in her business.
So I calmed her down and told her that if she filed papers, that it was okay. I got a lawyer and I filed for legal separation. I told her that I was not angry, out to get her or resentful. I don't want to be in a relationship with some one I can't trust and is in the sex industry. I also said that I want to share my life with someone and I want a partner. I told her she is free to do her job and live her life, but I am moving on. We can discuss the kids and I will be sure she gets to see them.
I think she was a little caught off guard how calm I was. I felt good to get that off my chest. I also felt good to tell her that without expecting something to change. I was not doing anything except standing for myself and my kids.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Well done. Now detach, stay dark, and GAL like you NEVER have before! You have done well, take it up another notch and really build your new life without looking over your shoulders. You know this, just rooting you on. If you can accept that her journey might go well past your D being finalized and maybe much longer then you are prepared. Keep standing tall.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Well done. Now detach, stay dark, and GAL like you NEVER have before! You have done well, take it up another notch and really build your new life without looking over your shoulders. You know this, just rooting you on. If you can accept that her journey might go well past your D being finalized and maybe much longer then you are prepared. Keep standing tall.
Thanks Zues! I am really ready to move on. I am not even thinking reconciling. I am going to be the best Dad to my kids and do something for me when they are visiting her. I think I finally reached this point by just completely LETTING HER GO. I quit sitting around getting mad and asking why it has to be this way. It is what it is! This situation does not define me. I have acknowledged my fault in our marriage and said I was sorry and asked for forgiveness. I will learn from it and move on. I'm on my way to BETTER DAYS!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
WW left this morning. Of course kids were upset for awhile, than seemed better. D12 is handling it better than I thought. She is looking forward to junior high school next year. She left me a note telling me she loved me and thanked me for always being there for her. Took the kids golfing today. First time they have ever been. They had a blast.
I had a few bouts of anger today at WW for what she is doing to our family. Especially her kids. The thing I hate about these situations is family always makes it worse. We have reached the point where her family and mine know what is going on now. Of course they want to defend her and mine want to defend me. I told my mother to just let me handle it. I will make the decisions I feel are best for me and the kids. Of course my mom is upset because she knows about everything I have done for WW and her kids.
D12 has been texting her mom all day. I did receive a text tonight about where she is. I responded with "okay". I suppose I am now in that "Go Dark" position. I better read up on it some.
I think it would be so much worse for me if my kids were not with me. I will have a tough 4-5 weeks with out them come July. I kinda feel like maybe they are handling this okay because really the only thing that has changed is WW physical presence. Sure she hugged them before bed and did a few things with them, but the job came first. You REALLY could see the effect of that last night when D12 asked her mom to come hit golf balls with us. Her last night with kids for 5 weeks and she took about 10 minutes out of her busy schedule to watch and than back to work. I worry about what kids will do when they go visit her. Is it bad that I hope they are bored and want to come home early?
On a positive note, this is the first night that no one is taking phone sex calls in the room upstairs!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I am relieved for your kids. Frankly your two youngest going out to WW and not knowing where they are for five weeks would scare and worry me. Please seek further advice on this.
Sincerely you are the more stable parent, and you have grown enormously through your sitch and by DBing.
I am glad that you are detached in this way and working for the best solution. I really understand why D21 is upset too.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you V. Hope you are doing better. I am hurting for my kids. D12 was very upset last night. It finally hit her. WW did not help by not texting her but once yesterday. D12 tried to talk to her, but WW said she would have to call her back. D12 cried most of the night. It is a struggle to try to be supportive and not say anything bad about WW.
Today was a little better. I know it is tough when I work during the day. We are slowly adjusting. I am trying to be the best Dad I can be. I am also trying to be strong for myself. It is a bit of a hit to the self esteem when your W runs off. I will get through it!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
WW thinks she runs towards something, she isn't. She is trying to run away and she has not yet realised that she carries her baggage with her. You can never run from yourself, WW is merely in a cheese less tunnel somewhere else in a different location. There will be a brief period of happiness and then the same patterns. Without oversight this may go out of control.
Joe i can see you will be there to get the best result for your children.
Big hugs to you and D12.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 05/28/1506:12 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
