The Beat Goes On

[Mighty]

I called my brother. We are going tomorrow or Monday to the sheriffs office. I am so annoyed. And I can tell you- if xh wants the kids of death in his r with the kids, it's by letting HWW try to go after me. I'm all they have left. That will not fly for them. He does not even see anything outside of hww's crazy.

Ugh!!!! How did I get here?! F'ing HOMEWRECKER and coward they are.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Mighty,

I not trying to be an alarmist. I just learned a lot from when the police were involved so much in my situation at the beginning of my adventure. My ex even got my oldest at the time to file for a restraining order. It was hard to sit in the court house and listen to the lies. this included a letter from daughters counselor that was filled with lies and innuendo. The OW in your situation sounds nutty enough to need to take steps immediately to shut her down. Your ex sounds so off the wall that he will lie for her and create a fictional situation that will be your word against his.

I thought my word against her word would not hold up in court. I was very surprised when it almost did. I was shocked at the comments made to me by the court in regards to a totally fictional situation. So my advice is do what you feel necessary to shut her and this down before it gets really out of hand.

[uRworthy]

Mighty, honestly, I could not care less about him or her. I care about you.

Please do not misunderstand me. I get why you said it. I get that it felt good. I am glad if it moves you forward in some way.

My concern is that you think you took back your power, when you really gave it to her.

And that keeps you in all of this...because now you have all of this cr@p to deal with.

Listen, I understand completey your feelings. I really do. But you didnt get in her head the way you think you did. She isnt thinking ...oh man, I am a homewrecker. She is thinking..oh man, now I know why he left her. It isnt true. Not at all..but thats the spin she is taking. Trust me on that.

When I ran into my xh's ow..you can be sure I paid her as$ no mind. It drove her craaaaaazzzzy. I walked with my head held high and looked at her like she was the dirt on the bottom of my shoe...cuz she was.

She even said to my xh at one point, "Man, Ur looks so confident and happy." And THAT made my day because she wasnt getting one freakin ounce more of me.

Sweetie, you said what you did. You cant unsay it. I get why you did. If it helps you, great.

But you are still so far in their heads, that I worry about you. I know it hurts deep. I am so sorry it does.

I hope all goes well with this.

[Mighty]

I hear ya, uR. But, I think you are misunderstanding me. I don't think at all she would EVER consider herself anything but perfect. And I know there is nothing I could say or do. She is a phony. A fraud. She lives a lie. She lies to herself and everyone. I just did it to take a bit of her perfection. She is the type who is such a victim and ugh?! How dare she say that. And anytime she cries victim, and has to say what I did, she is saying "she called me a homewrecker." Which, although she does not see it, she has to say it. It wasn't all that thought out, mind you.

But, at the end of the day, I am me. I have grown a lot in the sense... she was able to walk into the store and out of it.

And...

add to her continued ability to walk

... me.... the muther ...... of truck driver's mouth.... did not even curse!

She didn't get my power. F her. I could seriously care less. I feel fine, and I wouldn't unsay it. I said what I felt, and I am glad I did.

If I allow her to really "build a case" against me, ok... then she is taking my power. It's not going to happen. I will be very careful. But really, I just want her off my radar.

And the scary part I have felt... seeing her... well guess what? I did. And I'm OK. And I know what I am dealing with. I can smile big at this chick next time. She's got nuttin.

And I don't bother them. So they can waste all the time they want worried about me, threatened by me, talking about me. At the end of the day... is that why he left me? Who cares? He did!

[uRworthy]

Mighty, I am going to push you here because you are too important not to.

I understand completely what you did and why you did it. While our circumstances are different in some ways, I know the pain this has brought you. I know it because I have felt it to my very core.

I dont want you to have to feel it one minute longer than you have to.

Everytime you give that litany of things about her that you do...you are thinking about her. Everytime you tell this story to someone...you are thinking about her.

The truth is that deep down you want them to realize the hurt they have caused.

I remember when I went to my therapist and I told her, "I keep telling my h everything he is doing to me and he never apologizes." She looked at me and said, "That's because you are talking to a rock. You are talking to someone who is broken. Who has checked out. Someone who cannot hear what you are saying. It is the equivalent to talking to a rock."

And after she said that, I got it.

. I just did it to take a bit of her perfection. She is the type who is such a victim and ugh?! How dare she say that. And anytime she cries victim, and has to say what I did, she is saying "she called me a homewrecker." Which, although she does not see it, she has to say it.

You see that there...^^^..I want you to get to a point where it doesnt matter what she has to say or not say. Where it doesnt matter who she is or isnt. Thats what I want for you. Because when that day comes, my friend, it will be the day you have taken your life back. It will be the day when you realize that what they did has not stopped you from making an amazing life.

And please understand, this is not about what you said. Not really.

They did what they did. There isnt anything you can say or do to make them feel sorry for doing it.

People like her, dont get it, M. They dont care.

So, if this will now allow you to not worry about running into them. Great. If it empowered you. Great. If all of that is true...then you are on your way to letting go.

The world is waiting for you, Mighty. The way to it is not by looking over your shoulder, but, by looking straight ahead.

[LoisB]

Ur,

I don't hear Mighty saying she did this in order to force them to "get it."

I hear more of a situation where Mighty was surprised by the presence of someone who has done her and her children some great harm. She snapped for a moment and got on with life.

We ALL want to be in a place where they don't matter. Where they are small blips on the radar and don't impact our existence one way or the other...but, in my opinion, it takes some time and recovery to get there...I don't think this is something you can will yourself into a stage ahead of where you are.

I think it's setting a pretty unrealistic bar, at this stage, for Mighty to NOT respond upon seeing this woman for first time since the baby was born...especially in light of the possible marital reunion before the baby was born...not to mention the fact they live in new family bliss around the corner...AND, Mighty is dealing with raising two really angry teens. I just don't think it's realistic to expect someone to be calm, cool and collected. Frankly, I think it would be a little weird had she not lost her composure.

Honestly, I'm not sure Jesus Himself would have the fortitude to keep these feelings inside.

Everyone gets there by taking their own path. That's kinda the point of this journey, isn't it? To fearlessly forge ahead and create a life that works. Maybe this episode at Walmart was part of Mighty's path.

It's all a part of the process...even the ugly parts. It just is.

I mean, Mighty coulda stifled it. She coulda held it inside, but the feelings would still be there until they aren't.

Personally, I think Mighty is capable of figuring out --with her clearly bright mind --that she doesn't want to reenact Jerry Springer in the Walmart parking lot again.

I think it's amazing that you were able to turn the other cheek. I think it's awesome the OW, in your case, was really vexed and saw you as the confident, together chick that you are.

But, at the same time, it sounds like you put a lot of energy into being that calm, collected person. Was that for the OW's benefit or yours? Was that to look the part of calm? When your insides were churning?

I can't imagine there wasn't a time when you didn't have churning insides.

I think we all want to achieve the same goal, but we may go about it in a very personal, unique way. Forcing yourself to be at a different stage of the game can do a lot of damage if you ask me.

There's more than one way to skin a skank.

[Mighty]

Hey, uR! Guess what?! I totally get it. I completely understand what you are saying. In fact, I agree.

The thing is, I am one of those who... well, I know "learns the hard way" for sure, but in this instance... learns for myself??

What I mean is, well, actually... remember when I said recently that logically, I understand things, but feel differently emotionally?

This is exactly it! And, until I address things emotionally, I cannot catch up to the logical. This is an interesting concept I have learned about myself. It probably seems crazy to anyone trying to comprehend.

But, truthfully, DB goes against the grain for me. But I did it. Pretty much, right from the get-go. I know I had setbacks, but I pretty much went to LRT. Now, this was all logically thinking, and sometimes my emotions would have to catch up.

This here is a perfect example. I would have never really been able to move forward without letting some of... my personality.. my emotions... be known.

I don't regret it.

I don't have a desire to do it again.

I feel so free.

I prayed and prayed to be free. It was soooo scary for me to want to be over him. I wanted the truth for a long time, but I still hid from some of it.

Had this not happened, I wouldn't have confronted xh. Had that not happened, everything would still be a mystery. Difficult to let go bc I was still holding onto his last words to me.

Maybe not holding onto them, but they were still in my head. So, I have seen something, for the first time, up-close and personal, which is so different.

And ya know what, I know had I heard and seen this a year ago, even with the knowledge of the nuke... I wouldn't have been able to handle it.

But now, I've processed... and I feel so free.

Yeah, maybe it's a cycle... but it is the most free I've felt in... well... ever.

I cried a little this morning. And now, it seems so remote. I know there will be more. I'm not that naïve.

But truthfully, right now, I feel exactly where you said you want me to be. I just don't care. I feel like I had to do that. I don't know why. It was a little bit of me, the real me, in a kiss off to them. The real me... mixed with the new me.

I don't feel afraid. I don't feel scared. I don't feel worried about running into her.

Them... may still be difficult, however... I'm not as intimidated as I was. And I know that is HUGE progress.

I know what you want for me, uR. I love that you do. That you care and take the time to help me with it and see the bigger picture. And I am so excited to realize I am headed there! I just had to add a little bit of me in the process.

So many people here have taken time to really help and support me, and I can't tell you all how much I appreciate it. It is unity that you don't find many places. I am so incredibly humbled by the fact that so many of you will take time out of your day to help me get through the toughest part of the day. Even when I don't always have the fortitude to do the same.

Sometimes during this process, it can be so exhausting, that it is incredibly difficult to post to others. I have been up and down. Sometimes I am at such a low that it is so heartbreaking for me to read the pain others are going through bc I know how difficult it is. So, my point is, that I am so incredibly thankful to those of you who have stuck by me, supported me, chimed in, made me laugh, made me cry, held me accountable, and been a magnificent friend.

This has been one hell of a journey. I know that I have a loooong way to go to be half of who I should be. But I do feel that I have gotten over another obstacle.

I feel such relief.

I am not entirely sure where all of this is coming from, but I know I hope it continues!

Oh, and something that may be a little irrelevant at this point, but part of this crazy-train journey I've had the past two weeks...

At the beginning of the week I had a couple of thoughts.

One, I was looking at xh from afar. I questioned if it was actually him I miss... but rather us. I think us... or we... together were way better than what I would see as him independently. That probably makes no sense. I feel badly saying that, bc I do think he WAS a good person, but looking at him now, I don't think I am really missing anything. Just more hurt.

The other thing is that I have been so silent to him (prior to the week's drama) and I was thinking about why I respond to nothing...

I think bc I was afraid that there would only be two responses: one- either I would be so emotional and let it all out (kind of like I ended up doing??????!!!!!!) or two- because I would be friendly and fall right into my "role" and supply him with whatever he wanted/needed. With words, actions... whatever... just automatically trust him! Isn't that weird? I feel like talking to him is like a trance... I would give him whatever information he would ask for!

And thinking about how I confronted him, and in the manner I did at d14's game... was SOOOOO out of character from our dynamic- ever... he was caught WAY off guard. In fact, he was totally dumbfounded and speechless and blubbery when I approached him initially.

And honestly, I love it. I love that he know he cannot control my actions anymore!

[Mighty]

Thanks, Heather. Ummm... first... "skin a skank" may be the best.

However, there is "the Walmart episode" in which you referred... and I love whole heartedly.

Hmmmm... we must have been on the same wavelength... but you hit the humor, in which I love.

That's how I feel. I just did what I did... don't want to stay a lifetime in the Walmart parking lot. But, I'm really OK with it...

and hope that I am reaching the point of strutting my stuff...

and giving the middle-finger, metaphorically, with a great big smile!

[LoisB]

Go watch Gracie and Frankie. You'll laugh. You'll cry.

[uRworthy]

Truly glad you feel as you do, M.