Took the kids to the Memorial Day Flag placement for their scouting badges. There were thousands of people there. It was a good experience for them and good for me to get out of the house and to share the experience and meaning of Memorial Day with them. It was emotional as we put the flags on the graves. There were so many graves.
Afterwards, I dropped them back off at W apartment.
I was polite and cordial and texted her two photos of the kids decorating the graves with flags. She replied "What a great experience this is for them".
At pick up and drop off it was OK seeing her. No makeup on, I said "Hi and thanks for letting me take the kids to this on your day, I really appreciate it."
We talked a little about her stove issues, apparently she killed it when she tried to self clean it. I laughed and said "yes, kiss of death" when you self clean an oven right? She said she has been without a stove for two weeks so today was the repair day and she was waiting for him. She laughed a little and then we talked about S9 hearing aides. I made a joke about getting a bullhorn next time and she laughed and said "Yeah, I told him I was going to superglue them to his ears."
I am taking Wonka's advice and putting some humor into our interactions and will monitor the results. It seemed to work pretty well today.
Been doing the no contact no pursuit dance now for months. She has responded the same - no contact and does not respond to my non pursuit.
I guess the holidays are the hardest for me - so many triggers - so much lost.
Even after all of the crap we have been through - I miss her so much. I focus on working around the house , focus on making new friends and improving the friendships that I do have. It feels like a phantom limb is there - it's not of course but my mind feels the pain. Does that make sense?
I try to keep focused on today or maybe tomorrow.because that is all I can really handle without freaking out. One foot in front of the other.
I try not to let my mind wander to what she is doing as I know that is not healthy for me. Still.... I wonder. Does anyone else feel this?
I had dinner with a friend last night and I realized how much better I have it and I am grateful on many levels. I struggle to move forward and to rebuild my life. I wonder how much is possible?
Moving forward is the only way through this. I used to be so happy and now it seems that my life is one big problem. How did that happen? And so fast too.
Carry on dear friends and thank you for all of your collective wisdom and for listening.
Heavy - No matter what, as soon as she dropped the bomb on you, your life was going to need to be rebuilt. As far as I can tell, there are only two ways to do it:
1) to run away and start over 2) to fight for yourself. To learn and grow from the challenges and emerge as a stronger, more confident, more self-aware, and frankly BETTER person.
I'm so proud to be a part of a community of people choosing option 2. It's hard and it hurts, and I sure do wish that my feelings could move linearly forward, but all in all it's worth it
It seems we have a lot in common. I am so grateful to this board and for everyone who is trying to help everyone else. Such a privilege to participate.
It seems we have a lot in common. I am so grateful to this board and for everyone who is trying to help everyone else. Such a privilege to participate.
How goes your situation?!
Not a ton of activity at the moment. W is working with a lawyer for financial S with plans to file after that. I'm doing my LRT and she's not pursuing much...yet. But I'm being patient and hopeful. There's a lot of time left. I'm doing my best to use it wisely.
Today is s hard day - I don't have the kids this week and the house is so quiet that it is killing me. I am finding it so hard to stay motivated and actually get out of bed. Trying to make it to church today at 10:30 but it's a struggle.
I feel like a prisoner of war - trapped and confined - but then that's only in my head right? I have the power right? I have the smarts right? I puff myself all up and then a trigger and slowly the air seeps from my balloon.
I will force myself to take a shower and get this show on the road.
Talked to d6 and s9 on the phone and we chatted briefly. We talked about d6 hamster. Made small talk with W about her stove issue and talked about 5 minutes .
