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Last edited by Cadet; 05/27/15 12:53 PM. Reason: Links
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I think that I have to use this two month window to regain my sense of self. My confidence. My goal at the end of this two months is to truly believe that no matter what my W decides to do that I will be OK.

RULE #1: I promised no contact other than kids and finances for two months. This is non-negotiable. If I break this I am done so breaking it is not an option. If I do it my own fault. Control my anxiety. LEAVE HER ALONE.

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Sit down, make a list of what you need and want to do to make yourself awesome and then start checking those items off the list.

Listen, I don't want to burst your bubble, but two months isn't a long time to get yourself on track and to stay there. You do realize that you shouldn't be putting a time limit on what she's going to think about? If you want a time limit for you and what you need to do to get back to being a great husband, companion and lover, i.e., someone would be a fool to leave, then that's okay. But by saying two months to her, well...that's pressure.

I don't want you to have high expectations about this time limit for her to think about things. You've got to keep those expectations at zero so that you aren't angry, disappointed or frustrated when the two months come and go and things may not be any better between the two of you.

Bottom line, in order for us to help you, you have to help yourself. So, let's get w/the list of activities and go from there.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: job
Sit down, make a list of what you need and want to do to make yourself awesome and then start checking those items off the list.


Job is your friend on this BE. He's giving you great advice here. Make that list. Doesn't have to be long. But it has to be followed with ACTION.


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I agree w/ job... A time limit creates expectations.


“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter

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BEC.

I strongly suggest you let go of the timeline. That is a pressure that will be an undoing.

What happens after 2 months? You begin chasing again?

This whole evolution will take whatever time it takes. But what I see here is BEC once again trying to take control by giving this situation a timeline. In fact your whole ideal is an ultimatum.

This thread needs to be changed into "BEClem. One day at a time"

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Ok let's start the list: These will be all self focused.

#1. Play one round of golf per week.
#2. Read 4 books on self help or self improvement in 2 months.
#3. Start writing music again.
#4. Quit smoking and switch to vapors.

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My apologies if by suggesting the new thread title, I steered you down a wrong path BEClem.

The goal was to help you to use the two months and not just let them pass without working on yourself.

TenBook's title is far more appropriate and will serve you much better in the long run.


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Okay BEC. I love your list.

When I was in the toilet, my list literally was.

Put on shoes.

It morphed into,

Open door.

Eventually I got to,

Walk out door.

I was really proud once I got to, get in car!

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Just re-read the LRT chapter. Is this where I am at?

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