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#2570797 05/22/15 08:09 PM
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old thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...795#Post2570795

Response required to this text?

I get a text from W - this event is for tomorrow? I thought it was for Memorial Day (scouting thing for s9 and d6). I will have s9 ready. Guess this scraps the plans I had.

Do I need to respond to this? Should I respond with - Sorry about that." How about "Thank you for having S9 ready to go". or "I am sorry there was miscommunication and I appreciate you have s9 ready to go. Are you and D6 still planning on joining us at the event?"

Earlier, she had accepted my offer to join us and she was going to bring D6 as well. Now I am confused if she is not going to the event or not. And I can tell she is pissed off at me that I "spoiled" her plans (mindreading I know).

Does she want me to ask what the plans were? I am thinking no, she did not invite me and I guess it is none of my business. Why would she say "Guess this scraps the plans I had" if she didn't want me to ask what they were. Is this Bait?

What does the Board recommend - respond or not?

Last edited by HeavyD; 05/22/15 08:11 PM.

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HeavyD #2570810 05/22/15 08:24 PM
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I would just acknowledge as its about your S "No problem - thanks"


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
HeavyD #2570811 05/22/15 08:25 PM
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I think I'd just say "sorry there was a miscommunication. Thank you for having s9 ready to go." It sounds like she's still going to attend so I wouldn't ask about it.


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
Sotto #2570826 05/22/15 09:44 PM
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Originally Posted By: Toots
I would just acknowledge as its about your S "No problem - thanks"
Heavy,

Both Toots and Matt have good suggestions! I'd go with either. Personally, I think the shorter the better.

Chin up my friend!

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2570836 05/22/15 10:40 PM
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HeavyD Offline OP
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To let everyone know, I replied with a short and breezy "Thanks
and left it at that.

I will pick up S9 tomorrow early for the ceremony, if W and D6 join us, terriffic, if not, S9 and I will have a great time.

Happy Memorial Day everyone


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HeavyD #2570872 05/23/15 01:53 AM
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Boundry Violation or just being petty on my part?

It was my Moms birthday the other day. When I talked to her, she reported that she got he birthday card from my s9. It was mailed from my WW apartment.

Is it wrong for me to be upset with this?

I take the responsibility of sending my Mom a birthday card from me and from the kids. I think this is a boundry issue for her to send my family members cards "from the kids". I have not thought of sending my MIL a birthday cards from the kids from me. I view that as my W's responsibility.

I really don't want my WW to send my family members drawings, cards, or anything from our kids, I now do that for my family as we are separated. My W can send her own Mom (and her family members) cards on special occassions like birthday's from the kids.

What is the advice from the Board? Am I being petty? Should I just ignore it? I get the feeling the Board will say I am being petty and mean spirited but this really bothered me.

I think saying something would not get me any closer to my goal and makes me look like the smaller person. I guess it's just another chit sandwich I have to choke down.

My W lied, cheated, stole money from our family for her A and now sends birthday cards to my Mother? She never has sent my mother a birthday card. Now all of a sudden she does? I don't get it.

My suggested text would be:


W

Thank you for the thoughtful birthday card to my Mom from the S9. In the future, please let's agree to send any birthday or holiday cards from the kids to our individual family members.

I hope you agree this will reduce any confusion.

Thanks,


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HeavyD #2570878 05/23/15 02:07 AM
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This just gets better and better

Now I get an email from W who says "I can't go tomorrow but I will have the kids ready for you to pick up".

I must learn to detach more ... I swear, why is this process so hard for me to grasp? I have a great idea why she can't make it but that would be mindreading and pointless right class?

Looking at the situation positively, at least I get to see my kids on a day that is technically hers.

I will reply light and breezy to her text with a "Thanks". I won't inquire about anything else because it's none of my business.

Last edited by HeavyD; 05/23/15 02:09 AM.

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HeavyD #2570881 05/23/15 02:13 AM
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Wishing you the best. This process is hard to grasp because it's hard. And it hurts. Over. And over.

But then think how far you've come. Step by step. Day by day.

You can do this.


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
Matt777 #2570889 05/23/15 02:33 AM
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I welcome the day I am through this and on the other side. That day can't come soon enough!!


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HeavyD #2570891 05/23/15 02:40 AM
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Originally Posted By: HeavyD
I welcome the day I am through this and on the other side. That day can't come soon enough!!


I'm right there with you.

Of course it's easy to veer off and call it quits and shortcut to the other side. But we wouldn't be here if that were really what we want. It's the love that we have for our S's and our desire for our M that makes it so damn hard each and every day.

But I can see it in you. And in me. We are all growing and evolving into better people than we were when we got here. And it's that change that motivates me to keep going and let's me know I'm on the right path.


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
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