I know detachment is the key. I want to let of of the rope, but something holds me on. I should have zero expectations. I am scared once I let go there will be no turning back for me.
We have an illusion that if we cling to the rope we can control our WAS. We cannot. They have let go of the rope. We are clinging to a rope that leads to nothing. And as long as we hold on to it we are just tying ourselves to nothing.
I wonder what clinging to the rope is doing for you? I mean, not just "I want my M to work". I know. But clinging isn't helping. So really. What is clinging doing for you? It's a really good question to ask.
Oh, you spewed a bit on Py's thread which is fine. Did you happen to catch my post on the difference between venting and negativity? I can't remember where I posted it, let me know if you didn't see it and I'll hunt it down. You said you don't want to be bitter. I always keep that guideline in mind now to make sure I'm venting and not negative.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Venting is when the adversity you face exceeds your ability to cope. You boil over into the red zone and have to blow off some steam. Yet you take accountability for your loss of self control, and essentially say "OK universe, I shouldn't be boiling over left and right, I can tell by my negative emotions that I need to change the way I am looking at things here. I will do what I need to do to release some excess and get my stress back to manageable levels, but then I need to reflect and grow so next time I am in that situation I handle it better".
Negativity is when you boil over, but then blame the universe for giving you more than you could handle, and essentially saying "This isn't fair, did you see how much adversity I was given? How am I not going to boil over when that happens. No one can blame me for feeling this way because that really stinks."
I'm not feeling very eloquent tonight, so one more try- essentially negativity is considering boiling over inevitable in the circumstances and waiting for the universe to change to not deal you those cards again. Venting is getting support for a temporary stumble while recognizing that only you can change and trying to grow from the pain to be more capable in the future.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Zues, I read your post on Py's thread and it has touched me.
I always know H was hurting, now I have seen what you have written especially the line
'[b]You might see her as a mature and committed woman who's commitment caused her to endure more pain that most people would have put up with, so who was in fact wounded more deeply by the man who swore to love her than she could've imagined.
This is what H was trying to articulate to me. I am in tears now, knowing what I have done to him. How walking away was, for him, the only option open to him.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
You will be in my prayers tonight. Please, please don't be too hard on yourself.
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Just had a good cry, now feel an overwhelming urge to contact H to apologise for the hurt I have put him through, to reach out to him.
I know this is probably a bad move so will write a letter to him instead. and will not send it.
Thank you, Bob for praying for me tonight. I will add you to my prayers too.
Zues, I don't feel that I am on the right road, my progress is so so slow. I feel low about my situation every day. I am not having a pity party, just reflection on how I am feeling.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
When you expect it least, the ego, declared dead, will surge into your mind, and in an instant you will seem so far removed from Tao as heaven from earth.
Has it ever happened to you? Don't despair. Let it go. Do what comes next.
Accepting failure is a humbling experience akin to enlightenment. In an instant you will discover that heaven and earth are one and that you have never been separated from Tao.
The Taoist sage lives in harmony with failure and never fails.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
After the post above, I thought I will look at my positives.
Here goes! :-)
I am different and stronger from a few months ago. I am no longer suicidal, or on meds. Anxiety levels has hugely improved, minimal now. I no longer remove myself from class because I am finding it difficult to hold it together. I have been able to use the words Divorce and Ex H without bursting into tears. I am beginning to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. I can give friends advice that I have received here. I feel hopeful about my future and career abroad. I would of never applied for this position if it wasn't for my situation. I am approaching others with more compassion and understanding. My reaction to others is more positive (Zues, Thinking about your cards analogy really keep me focus on this). Less reactive, though this is an ongoing challenge same with controlling. Reflective on what went wrong in M and how I can/ am improving me for me. No snooping, checking H's FB status. (12 days now)
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
My GAL activities when back in UK, hard to GAL where I am at the moment. I think this is why I am finding detachment difficult at the moment as I have too much time to think :-(
Signed up for several meet-ups including drumming which I have NEVER dreamed of trying Will go to church in my village Taking God children out Few overnights in London Visiting and staying with friends Have planned concerts Dinners out Seeing family A day of spiritual retreat for myself, Organising a trip to India, possibly doing this on my own.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
