Ralphy, there are a number of resources on this site and on the web regarding Boundaries. These are going to serve you well.
I encourage you to please read these first...before you 'lay down any laws'...because that will get you nowhere but PO'd. As Sandi and others have written (and i paraphrase) think of your WW as a rebellious teen, you lay down rules they will only try to break them.
Setting boundaries is different, they are to protect you and your daughter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read those threads that Cadet has posted for you. this is SOOOOOOO confusing and troubling but you can definitely do this!!!
Ralphy. I laid down a no contact boundary between S9 and the OM when the WW was pushing for them to meet. I did is smart though. We were exchanging documents on a separation agreement and I waited until I had my with a L. I wrote up the no contact in a very L language. WW is so caught up in emotion she didn't realise that there is not law that can stop her from introducing them. I did it that way because she is so rebellious.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Tonight I decided it's still early enough in all this that I can make some "intentional mistakes". Our discussion went ok. I learned that OM's wife now knows about the affair. I couldn't be happier. This adds another level to all this and puts another roadblock in their way. Now he will have to deal with that.
It could also lead to them both leaving and starting a new life together. If it happens, so be it. But they've only known each other 3 months so doing so would be pretty stupid.
Also, let W know that our D2 is NOT to have contact with OM. She said she feels bad that she did that. Hopefully she's sincere in feeling remorse.
I let the conversation drag on a little too long and we ended up getting huffy with each other, so I pulled back and got ready for bed.
Time to reset using the new info and let her be scared she might end up losing BOTH men.
Last edited by ralphy; 05/22/1505:00 AM. Reason: typo
Woke up today in a relatively positive mood. Anticipated another bout of arguing while getting ready for work, but it went smoothly this morning. While I was in the shower, W said from the doorway that she was truly sorry for our D2 having contact with OM. This came out of nowhere and I wasn't having any kind of conversation with her. Seems like she genuinely feels bad and maybe thought about it before falling asleep.
I also indicated that I would like to sleep in the MBR at least once this weekend and that we should discuss this going forward. She agreed to have a night on the couch. Call it progress.
Woke up today in a relatively positive mood. Anticipated another bout of arguing while getting ready for work, but it went smoothly this morning. While I was in the shower, W said from the doorway that she was truly sorry for our D2 having contact with OM. This came out of nowhere and I wasn't having any kind of conversation with her. Seems like she genuinely feels bad and maybe thought about it before falling asleep.
I also indicated that I would like to sleep in the MBR at least once this weekend and that we should discuss this going forward. She agreed to have a night on the couch. Call it progress.
Mate, I am your friend. I'm on your side. Take control. You 'indicated' that you want to sleep in the MBR? Why are you scared? What are you afraid of? That your W will leave you? 4x2 time. SHE ALREADY HAS LEFT YOU. How does that statement gain respect? Man up dude.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thank you both. I appreciate the tough love NDY. Need a kick every so often.
Eirinn, I've been goal setting and also preparing for life without WW. Focusing on studying leaglities in my state. Talked to an attorney friend today to gain some insight and assuage my concerns regarding what will happen with D2 who is my world. Just info gathering and finally accepting that I have a choice in all this too, and my own reasons to decide to stay or leave. It's so true that I have been given the gift of time right now.
As for the weekend, I will go to the gym everyday and run. I've fallen in love with eating right and losing weight. I've lost 10 pounds since BD and W even commented today on how skinny I'm looking.
I'm also going to take D2 to the park and maybe Legoland or something. W says she has some work to do this weekend. I don't really care if that's true or not. Either way I get some time with my daughter.
For those of you in the States, have a great holiday weekend. Everyone stay strong and I'll be praying for us all.
