Got home yesterday and H had left a workout DVD that he overheard me talking about, telling my friend I was going to get it. H got it for me, left on table no note or anything just the DVD. That was nice
Last night H slept in the bed all night, did not even fall asleep in basement, came right to bed after work.
Then today before he goes to work he ask me to pick up a gift for granddaughter to go with the gift I already got her.
He ask me if I got the forwarded voice mail from grandson I said yes and thanks for sending it. He then told me he would be sending grandson a card with money this weekend.
Roller coaster UP, tighten seat belt!!!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
My H reminds me of a ROBOT just going thru the motions of life.
He is really miserable, work, sleep and eat, and complain that is his day. Watch movies, wash his car, those are his activities.
Yesterday he was on a complain all day mission,,I just told him I was praying for him, told him I was worried about him. He was UP all night tossing, turning after working a double the day before. I validated his complaints. I got a lil frustrated when he was nit picking on S14 about football, but I just listened and try to add in encouragement to S14 (to offset the negativity).
H's energy was very draining yesterday, then all night tossing and turning.
Roller coster- DOWN- tighten seat belts- (hard to breath)
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Sounds like the depression and possibly guilt are eating at him.
You handled the situation well and I do hope he feels better very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sometimes I wonder what phase of MLC my H is in? Sometimes I wonder if H is even having a MLC? Often I know H is very comfortable in our current situation. Sometimes I'm ready to throw in the towel, lose the fight but save ME.
I think I hold on to the it's a MLC because that makes it easier for me to "deal" with the neglect of our M, the no wearing of his ring", the OW, the "ILYBNILWY", "the I dont know what I want", it allows me to "put my needs" as it relates to my wants/needs from my H ON HOLD.
BUT what if this is NOT a MLC, what if my H is just a selfish, cheating A hole! WHAT if this is just my H wanting his cake and eating it to, wanting the outside world to NOT see him leave another family (he left a GF and his S6 over 20 years ago), PRETENDING, too lazy to leave our home, not wanting to start over at 52. If this is not a MLC what in the hell am I waiting on? Him to decide this R is worth it, Him to decide I'm more then worth it.
HMMMMMM,,,,it's getting easier and easier to NOT really care and to secure/review/implement my preparations for the day when this M is really really OVER!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
MLC is just a label that is used for bad, selfish behavior. If you notice, we give pretty much the same advice to the walk away situations as we do the MLC situations.
What if it's not a MLC? Would you do anything differently? You've been w/him for a long time...was he always like he is now? If so, why now are you questioning his behavior? If he's not been this way his entire married life w/you, then there has to be something that's clicked to create the situation in his life. An internal crisis is like no other and it takes time to sort out...so what would you have done differently had this not come along?
You, and only you, can decide if your marriage is worth fighting for. You are the one that finally makes the decision as to whether it's worth saving and eventually reconciling into a new marriage. You will know when you've had enough...but it's not today or tomorrow or next week. How do I know that? Because you are still questioning what is going on and deep down, I know you are committed to fighting for your marriage w/your entire being. If and when the time comes to end it, you will be able to say that you've fought the battle and did everything you could to save the marriage. Until then...live your life as if today is the last day of your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H was not always like this! If this had not happen,I don't think I would have made the changes I made for myself.
I want to be done, does that make sense?
I wish deep down I was ready to throw in the towel and move on!
I'm tired of this broken Marriage.
I wonder if it's the "fixer" in me that is still trying, standing.
The woman in me, does not want to waste any more time with a Man who does not want me!
Sometimes emotionally I believe it would be easier if H just left, but then I'm not sure?
Ok, I can tell I'm struggling right now, need to get back to ME, Got tons of GAL's this weekend, family coming up for Holiday.
Here is info (trying to not only post the negative)
H actually had planned to attend family memorial day cookout this year, that is usually on Monday, but this year moved to Sunday. H had made sure to not work OT on Monday to be able to attend, signed up for OT on Sunday instead. Wish he had check with me in advance, my family loves him and would have been glad to see him. Now he wants us to maybe also have a cookout on Monday. If he plans it I will help out.
Last edited by 2BHappy; 05/21/1502:24 PM.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Yep, it's the fixer in you that wants to fix him and the marriage, but this time...you are on his clock and he has to do the work. Yes, I do understand the wanting to be done.
Happy, if your h didn't want you, he wouldn't still be living at home and he would have filed for divorce by now. Your h is still baking and it takes time. Having a MLCer living under the same roof with the spouse is difficult. It is not easy because you see them each and every day and believe me, you want to shake them until their eyeballs roll on the floor and tell them to wake up. You remember the person that they once were and yet, the body is the same, but the person isn't. One of the lessons that we all have had to learn is patience. Your spouse has crashed emotionally and spiritually and until they are healed, they are going to wobble around on "crutches" until they are finally strong enough to stand once again. Healing emotionally is very difficult for them and it's not the same as a bone healing, because the bone will heal on it's on in due time. Emotional health takes a lot of time for them to think about stuff, go back and relive that part of their lives that were stunted and let's face it...in some cases that time period was 10, 20 or even 25 years ago. So, yeah, it takes a lot of time and yes, we do get angry and very frustrated that the process can't be pushed ahead. Fixers have a difficult time understanding that we can't fix this problem for them.
Happy, you can still stand and continue on w/your life. I honestly don't think your h is planning to go any where and unless you decide to push for a divorce, I don't see that happening.
I know you get annoyed w/me, but I'm going to say this again, you need to dig deeper for patience. Your man/child has to grow up and back into the body that is in your presence. Until then, leave him baking in the oven and allow God to continue to work on him.
Things happen for a reason and sometimes I think God allows things to be destroyed in order for us to rebuild, i.e., into something stronger and better and we learn from the mistakes as we go along and learn to appreciate what we once had and can appreciate what is rebuilt. It is an opportunity for all of us to take the time to look at ourselves in the mirror and make the changes necessary for us to be better people on this earth. Time does heal all wounds...but the scars are there to remind us each and every day of what we've been through in order to get to the other side.
BTW, I've order several more patience shovels for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know in my soul that the things I changed during H's MLC are things I NEEDED to change in me. And without this mess, I might not have made the changes I needed to.
The changes have helped me to be BETTER, some of the things I struggled with, I'm not dealing with anymore. The PRAYING, that alone, getting back to prayer and getting out of auto mode, of learning again to LOVE myself, which in turn I can see made me a more loving Mom to my s14. I smile and laugh more now then I have in years. I'm becoming the Woman I was always suppose to be. So when you said "things happen for a reason and GOD allowing things to be destroyed in order to rebuild" I got chills all over, cause I been feeling this, thinking "that if this had not happened, I would not have started to love myself again, my realtionship with my son was getting difficult, my communication with my mom was going downhill, heck even my face was looking older. I believe GOD used this situation to wake me up to shake me, to get me to see what GOD has been trying to show/tell me all along about myself.
WOW
Heck JOB, I believe GOD is here when you are the one who is responding to my post, guiding me as I stumble thru. I'm NOT and never will be annoyed with your responses.
YES, double that patience shovel order. I need to continue to work on that, work on me and to PRAY and allow GOD to take me thru this. I know I will make it! I can already see myself thru this journery and a better person!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
H made it to the family cookout yesterday. Everyone was very happy to see him. I told him I was glad he was there.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
