She's actually offered to sleep on the couch. Two things, first, you're right, I'm sleeping on the couch because I'm being respectful to her. It's my nature I suppose. I'll test and see how she reacts.
also, our daughter frequently wakes up during the night. I've always been the one to get up while W snores away. Since I've been on the couch, W gets to see what its like to get up. I cant hear her cry when I'm downstairs. I'm actually missing getting up and sitting with her at night. W just brings her into our bed and falls back asleep.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I'll make it clear tonight that I want to be back in the bed. I'm guessing the response will be "it's MY house". The difference here too is that she HAS been paying the mortgage while I paid down my debt. Her preference was I focus on that. I do pay the cell phone bills, the cable bill, and our very expensive gym membership in addition to transferring $200 a month to her account. I upped it to $500 going forward as my debt is to a point where I can afford it.
The money means more to her than me. It's sad that I'm at a point finally where I can start contributing more financially, and now this is happening.
Ralphy, you need to look at what you are legally entitled to. You and I are in illinois, this is no fault State, right...and what's hers is yours, yours is hers, unless there was an agreement in writing before the marriage.
i've seen lots of guys get thier pensions 'shortened' even though they had the pension prior to marriage or houses forced to be sold.
If you let her use those other arguments, that is your choice. you should spend a few moments of your time looking at some legal sites or certainly it does not hurt to contact a lawyer to educate yourself. There is a pretty good one here in Illinois...not sure if it is ok to list outside sources, but i'll risk it..
Knowledge is POWER.
Last edited by Cristy; 05/29/1505:42 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not refer other professionals
I haven't thought about division of assets yet. I think I've been more geared toward surviving and saving the marriage as best as I can. It's only been a month and I'm not ready to give up yet. Just tossing around lost right now.
I work in an industry in which I interact and have relationships with many attorneys, so if it comes down to that (I'm hoping and praying it won't), I have it covered.
Thanks again for the response. Everything is much appreciated.
i am not suggesting you file for divorce. i am just asking that you consider looking into what COULD come of things if you HAD to go that way. I am suggesting that you should be informed and ready for anything, not planning on any specific outcome, just helping you understand that if X, then i can do Y.
I promise it will help with the fear of what we are potentially facing, especially if Wife decides that 'you can't live here anymore' type of crap. you will be prepared. that way you don't agree to something that may not be in YOUR best interest, just because she says so.
None of us can believe it Ralphy. I've probably said over a thousand times in the last 5 months, "I just can't believe this happened to me."
Unfortunately it didn't happen "to" me. She did what she was going to do and I'm feeling the consequences, but we all played a role. Follow the advice on here as hard as it is - detach, GAL, 180, and be strong. This is going to suck, but it helps to start believing it happened and start taking action.
You've got a ton of support here. Use it!
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Just finished my IC session. I enjoy talking to my counselor. He thought the fact that W was letting our 2 y/o daughter say "HI" to W's boyfriend on the phone (and even talking to him at all in front of her) was disgusting. While I don't want to talk at all about our relationship with my wife anymore, I think I need to lay down the law about this happening.
