The phone calls alone tell you that OM's not done with your wife and lying to his wife is a habit. He'll do it again and has likely done it numerous times already. Where there is smoke there is usually a fire.
My first impulse is to text her to call you. Actually probably say, "I figured he & they would deny. I was told you thought I was crazy for calling you. I'd rather speak to you directly. I have a few questions I'd only feel comfortable discussing with you on the phone. Obviously this is an extremely sensitive discussion and I'd like to know I was actually talking with you. I hope that's ok."
You'll get to express and get much more detail in a phone call.
Also, you never know who's on the other end of that phone if you text.
This is great advice if I decide to contact OM's W. She did say before that OM is the tech guru and controls all the devices.
I think the trick here would be to give and convince OM's W to only move forward with intel against her H that she could verify without me getting involved, like phone calls and text from his own cell phone. I can ask and tell OM's W about the new land phone line to convince her of continued contact but I am not really looking forward to going down the spew route again with STBX. However, I'm sure STBX will suspect me again if there is any new turbulence in her A anyway.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
OM and his wife still live together so she is in a better position to snoop herself. Hopefully any information you share will just clue her in on where to look herself and she can "bust" OM using her own intel.
It's a good sign that OM denied it. That means he still plans to stay married and lie (as long as he can) to his wife versus just coming out with it and saying "I'm in love,d it just happened and we need to divorce so I can be with my schmoopy soulmate".
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
I decided to text OM's W back and ask if she could call me. We'll see if she calls.
If she does, I plan to be calm and ask how she is doing. I will tell her that I expected STBX and OM to deny A. I will tell OM's W that STBX accused me of acting crazy and stalking when I exposed A. I'm sure this is what OM told his wife so it will actually confirm OM's and STBX's relationship to an extent. I will tell her that it is good that she and her H are trying to move on. I plan to ask OM's W if she recognizes the new phone number. I can tell her about the recent texts and calls between OM and STBX but I will ask her to use her own intel if possible.
Let the waiting game begin.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Never heard back from OM's W. Maybe tomorrow, maybe never. Who knows?
On a GAL front, went to a philosophy discussion group and then met up with some friends for some suds and Trivial Pursuit afterwards. Good times!
The only "contact" with STBX during the day was her comments on my Instagram pictures from my camping trip.
However, she did try to FaceTime in the evening but I was at a bar so I didn't think it was appropriate to answer. Then, an hour or so later, she texted:
"FaceTimed you earlier. The kids wanted to say goodnight. Hope you are well."
I didn't reply.
A few minutes later, she called five times in a row. I didn't answer.
I've been fired as her husband. I don't need to answer her phone calls. If she's worried about me, let her worry. Or let her wonder what I am up to.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Journaling: STBX called this morning, we said our hellos, and she began asking about last night. She was calm and asked about the missed FaceTime call with kids and all the calls she made. I told her that I had a discussion group and then went out with some friends. I changed the subject to the kids and our drop off plans for today. STBX asked again about what I did last night. I just tell STBX that I went to this new place with some friends. She replies with, "That's great!"
STBX dropped off S1 with me as she was taking D4 to school. She got out of her car to give me some money for a bill. She then commented on how she liked my new shoes. I decided to nonchalantly ask STBX is she wanted to join the kids and I on a day trip that I have planned for tomorrow. She seemed interested, stated that she would go, and said that it sounded fun. She then gave me and S1 a hug and said it was good to see me.
I thought it was interesting that STBX had a lot of makeup on this morning. It seemed excessive for just dropping off D4 at school. I have no idea what her plans are today but she does deserve to have time to herself too. STBX did tell me the other night that she plans to meet up with some friends from work tonight. None of my business though.
I have no expectations for tomorrow. Actually, I fully expect STBX to not come along tomorrow, especially if she's out late tonight, gets a hotel, etc.
Either way, I'm looking forward to my next two days with the kiddos.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Ask her to join you in making a big deal out of turning off your phone and putting it away when spending quality family time together. Explain to wife that it's just something you read about raising girls these days and once they become teenagers getting them to separate from their phones is near impossible UNLESS it's been family habit/tradition for years.
Act like you didn't even talk about this concept the other day because you don't want to be telling her this phone idea of yours like you are explaining why your wife was ridiculous to be mad the other day when she tried to make it out like you were merely trying to punish her. Let her draw her own conclusion that EVERYTHING isn't all about her all on her own.
THEN...maybe..a small part of her will miss EVERYTHING you do NOT being all about her.
Great job inviting her. I think she'll come. She'll tell herself it's good for your daughter to see you two getting along and co-parenting. She hates missing out on these moments.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Ask her to join you in making a big deal out of turning off your phone and putting it away when spending quality family time together. Explain to wife that it's just something you read about raising girls these days and once they become teenagers getting them to separate from their phones is near impossible UNLESS it's been family habit/tradition for years.
Act like you didn't even talk about this concept the other day because you don't want to be telling her this phone idea of yours like you are explaining why your wife was ridiculous to be mad the other day when she tried to make it out like you were merely trying to punish her. Let her draw her own conclusion that EVERYTHING isn't all about her all on her own.
THEN...maybe..a small part of her will miss EVERYTHING you do NOT being all about her.
Great job inviting her. I think she'll come. She'll tell herself it's good for your daughter to see you two getting along and co-parenting. She hates missing out on these moments.
GB, Thanks for the follow up and advice.
Part of me is having second thoughts now about inviting STBX tomorrow though because I have a hunch that she went to see OM today or will tonight. I don't want to make "deposits in the love bank" if the A is still full steam ahead.
Btw, nothing from OM's W yet. If she hasn't called by now, I'm not sure she intends to.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Journaling: If anything, today proves just how much work I need to do to detach from STBX and to have no expectations.
I hadn't heard from STBX all day and I had a hunch something with OM was planned. I went all day without checking the phone records but I gave in a few minutes ago. I discovered that OM called STBX three times from his cell all within a 15 minute interval. I know that by itself, it doesn't mean anything. But with all the circumstantial indicators, it has me pretty bummed out.
I tell myself that whatever happens today with OM has happened before. I just need to refocus and utilize the time with my kids tonight to clear my head. Tomorrow, I need to act as if nothing happened today and be the best version of me I can. I know I will look my best because I picked up some new threads this morning.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
STBX liked a few of my Instagram pics from my camping trip with D4. A moment later, STBX called to check in on the kids. We talked briefly about D4 and I put her on the phone with D4. STBX then asked if we could change the family day from Friday to Saturday. I told her that we were still going to do it tomorrow. STBX replied that she wouldn't be able to make it then. I remained calm and said, "That's ok. We are going to have a good time." STBX then asked me to give D4 a hug for her. I said I would and wished her a good night.
Maybe it's just me projecting but STBX seemed a little off to me.
Anyway, there's no way I'm going to change my plans with the kids tomorrow so I can accommodate whatever it is STBX is doing tonight/tomorrow morning, especially if it involves OM.
Well, I guess that settles that. I'll be sure to post a pic of the kids and I tomorrow to Instagram so STBX can see what she missed out on. Good riddance.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
