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Pyrite Offline OP
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thanks mate - going home now to face the music


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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Dude, I've just caught up on your thread. I read it on the train but couldn't face posting until I had access to a real computer.

Originally Posted By: Pyrite

It hurts that she has no respect me for me a husband, but she has no respect for me as a human being - which HAS made me feel worthless.

You are not worthless. You are a fantastic dad, always will be. Take strength from the fact that your kids love you and depend on you for their well being. One of you needs to be the leader here and it ain't your WW.

Quote:

There is no +ve way of stripping cum stained sheets off your mariatal bed without being insanely chirpy (Oh at least W is having a good time).


This made me sick to my stomach. Mate, I know it's too late to stop the kids meeting the OM. I also know it's too late to put up a boundary with the OM being at your house, but THIS? No way. I'd put my foot down about this one right away. You tell her that when it's your turn to be in the house you want the sheets clean. If not, she'll find them on the BBQ the next time she turns up. I would not stand for this at all. It's worse than disrespectful, it's down right insulting.

Look, your WW is a paper tigress. Take your b*lls back and stand up to her. Who gives a fig if you upset her right now.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Pyrite, thank you for my hug, I too would love a real hug.

it would be hard for your W to gain your respect if you are stripping the sheets after her. Respect is prerequisite to love I once heard someone say.

I agree with NDY. Reading that made me feel highly anxious and nauseous.

Stay strong, you have helped me and others on this board, that in itself is priceless and worthy. (((Pyrite)))


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Hi mate

That is truly a shocking way to behave towards you. I'd put them sheets in a bag and burn them. Keep your own set of sheets and only put them on when you need them

We all think our sitch is worse than everyone else, but that is truly horrific.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Pyrite Offline OP
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thanks guys. this happened several weeks back now. I didn't even mention because I thought I was just being pathetic and then i just got used to it. my threshold went way up at BD

The 2nd round of custody mediation, i mentioned there were a few tense moments. This was one of them. She started whining about how selling the house should be the first priority to discuss because it was so depressing for her to go back their week after week to find stuff like I had taken down our wedding photos.

In disbelief I said you've got to be kidding me. You're depressed. You've got everything you screamed for, now I am the one that has to find "the sheets" after your BF has stayed the night. She just yelled that he has never stayed the night - well back then anyway.

another great story about those particular sheets. several years ago my mate was getting married and told me he wanted black satin sheets like one of E-GFs had. So i bought them, but the week before the wedding his fiancé told me how much she hated satin sheets. Anyway, I kept them and bought something else. They became our "sexy" sheets. They hadn't come out of the cupboard for years.

i threw her sheets in her corner and took everything I used with me at the end of the week I took all of my clothes out, and some of the girls. I bought some big cargo bins, bought more clothes for the girls and now every week is like packing the car to go camping in a BYO everything holiday unit. Even take my own food. Every week I just throw any **** on the floor into her corner. Clean the house and then pick up kids from creche. every other week i stay at my Mums.

I am longing for my own place.

anyway, tonight was fine. she acts like nothing ever happened now. she's happy. i couldn't be bothered with putting on any front anymore. she told me about the school she visited to check out as if that was some major achievement and proof of her dedication. i went 3 weeks ago but didn't bother telling her. i wasn't stressed or angry or rude. I just don't have any time for her.

i have been in such pain. I expect people here understand. the physical pain where you can taste the colour of your brain as it squeezed in anguish. then the headache afterwards where you can feel the bruising and the internal bleeding. Your stomach in nots and your body aching like you are feverish. You can't even breath and gasp for breath in a panic.

Well it isn't all that bad anymore but I get "flashbacks" to being like this. The pain is much less now and it does subside quicker. I remind myself of how bad it "was", and even though this time feels like the end of the world - it is nothing compared to the first month. And, there is nothing new she can do to me that will ever be as bad.

So to repeat myself again - she has played her worst card and I am still here. What's more is that I am getting better. I accept now that my M is over. I don't want that M back anyway. I felt unloved for 4 years. I became suicidal at my lowest for **** sake. The person in front of me now that is my W, I don't want her either.

But I dont know why that should mean I am not going to come through this a better person. This has been something which I have struggled with. I can see and I have seen people grow bitter and twisted from this. Thats not going to happen to me. I know that it won't and it IS as simple as - because I don't want it to. That doesn't mean that I have to keep wanting the M back. I don't. That doesn't mean I have to force myself to like my W as she is - I certainly dont.

I do want what is best for my girls. IF W turns up on my doorstep in 3 years time, then all i am expecting is to treat her like any other prospective buyer.

thank-you beautiful people for listening and caring smile


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Joined: May 2015
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Good for you Pyrite!

Yeah, that first month is brutal. Don't let her ground you down.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Mar 2015
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NDY Offline
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Hey Py

I'm kind of over it all as well. I can't see what else she has left in her arsenal that she can hit me with that will hurt. Then again, she has been quite creative in that department so I never fully let my guard down. But I don't hurt anymore and it shows.

I don't think she is comfortable yet in her situation. Just the other week she was spewing all over the place. It's calmed down now but like everything else here no expectations.

BTW, on a side note. I've been to your lovely city. Stayed in Brighton. Had more that a few Tooheys New in the Brighton Hotel bar.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,014
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Pyrite Offline OP
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thats NSW beer - Toohey's smile. Brighton is nice. expensive nowadays. close to where i work actually - beachside

never been to the UK. Likely to in the next year or so for work - but we'll see.

yeah W seems comfortable this week - but that could change. could hit a rocky patch in her new R. who knows. who cares anymore. as i was saying to Tulo, clinging to a version of the future doesn't help one to detach. you must be getting weary after a year in the same house!!


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
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You want 2.0 W now. 1.0 version is now well out of date! Hope Mr Ukraine has his visa turned down.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 556
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Things is, do we actually get version 2.0 of our spouses. Do we take them back a better versions of themselves but still no where near version 2.0?

I want my H, the loving, caring person he was before he gave me all this! Does that ever happen.

Is the M better because we work harder never to go back to this pain we have all felt. It is not good, quite introspective and morose these last few days.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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