Put one foot in front of the other (Part 3)

[Elly4]

Hi Zephyr, I woke up late today and the whole day felt rushed. I was also on the phone a lot in order to set up testing for my son. Apparently, it will be 2 - 4 months before they can get to him. Another waiting game....hmmm....but wait I'm getting good at that! :P

I'm doing better Zephyr. Saw my IC and that always helps to even me out. I'm doing 20 hours of driving this weekend and am actually looking forward to it as it will be just me in the car and no one else.

My husband has still been a bit stand offish so I'll try to tell him my apology on a day when it's not tense.

How are you doing?

[Elly4]

Thanks for stopping by Bob! You always put a smile on my face. Thanks too for your prayers. We could use them. I know my son doesn't have cancer, or the myriad other terrible things out there, but he is such a sweet little boy that I just want to protect him forever and I know I can't. Today he freaked out at school because he thought they should have an "Asteroid Drill". They couldn't get him to stop crying so they called me. When I arrived and asked him what was wrong, he explained to me that if the dinosaurs died because an asteroid hit the then that could happen to us too. I explained that dinosaurs didn't have the hubble telescope and NASA and we were fully protected. He said, "Oh, okay" and walked away to play. The intelligence of a much higher age and the emotional capacity of his age of three. Hard to reconcile them both.

I kept reminding myself today that God wouldn't give me more than I could handle. I would have loved to talk to my H about testing and so on, but he's still not in a good place today, so I took a walk with my S to the playground instead.

[Zephyr]

Hey E, I hope your trip goes well...that is a lot of driving on your own.

I am in Michigan for the weekend. The wine is out, so having a good time

Our friends And some more family get up here tomorrow so I am looking forwards to a really nice weekend. Thank you!!!

[Cadet]

I have become very involved in genetics during the last 3 years, one of my GAL activities.

Just to remind you that your son is half you and his father so the love you have for him also gets half credit from his father.

The biology of these facts is quite interesting.

[Elly4]

You are so right, Cadet. Thank you for that insight! I find genetics interesting too. People are always telling us that my S is quite like me, but I see a lot of my H in him. It's fun watching him grow up and develop into his own unique self. The most bonding my H and I do nowadays is hanging out and playing together with him.

[Cadet]

You might want to check out Robert Sapolsky who teaches Biology at Stanford, he has a series of videos (26 on youtube) on behavioral biology including one on depression that is quite interesting.
I am about halfway through the course of watching them all.
Some of it is way over my head yet the depression one is fairly easy to follow.

[Elly4]

I will do that after work today. Thanks again.

[Cherry]

Eirinn I wrote a huge piece for you yesterday- but it didn't send.
I was once told that God tests those he loves the most- and he will never give you more than you can handle. He is testing your love and commitment. Keep the faith.
Your h is showing some positive signs. Feeling appreciated was a big part of the problem with my h.. He admitted he started to feel he couldn't please me or do anything right and just wanted to escape. This is something I'm working on.

[Elly4]

Thanks, Cherry for the hopeful words. I know I'm seeing a lot of positive signs, I'm just afraid he's showing them because I'm giving him the space to figure out how to divorce me without hurting his S.

I am keeping the faith and every morning asking God to let me handle what I can and give into his keeping the rest. I'm getting to know the serenity prayer really well!

How is it going with you?

hugs

E

[Cherry]

I truly believe this is a test and your H will come back to you, I really do. And you are doing so amazingly- I hope you are proud of how far you are coming. It is hard as a mother with regards to supporting your h's parenting. This is also something I am working on. I try to take a step back and allow him to do his thing, or ask his opinion more.
Things are going good, I don't want to seem ungrateful as I prayed so much that my h would come back to me. It's hard- and I had trust issues before so to trust him and have him let me down is hard, and I know it's going to take time to fully trust him- this is a point I'm trying to get across to him. We've had a few more in depth convos. It isn't easy but, God willing we will get there.