I am in the process of getting with a lawyer now. So if she files I shouldn't be willing to continue seeing a counselor with her?
This situation s*cks. I know I have to do things I don't want to do to try and make it work. I just want my wife back and I want to put this chapter behind us.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
I don't think you need to stop counseling. But you shouldn't go with the idea that you can win your W back through your discussions there. You can read my recap of my session today with W - our focus is to have a safe place to discuss our Ds and things pertaining to the divorce and moving forward. Im NOT using it to talk about reconciling us.
Kem, the big hitters her here now. Listen to what they say. I've followed your sitch from the very beginning and now the work begins. Good luck my friend.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Heading home now, I'm going to enjoy the evening with my D2. We have a meeting scheduled with counselor tomorrow so I'm interested to see if she asks about that or brings it up. But im putting on my happy face and going to do what I can
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
Kembo - I know it feels ridiculous, but I strongly recommend you have some kind of plan for counseling tomorrow. If you just show up and talk with your heart, it can do more damage than good. Think about some topics that may come up and how you'll respond to them. Think about what topics you want to discuss and how to bring them up without pressure.
Well she just told me she filed (I didn't ask). I was polite and calm and I just told her she is free to do whatever she wants at this point because I am going to start a new life. She said we can make the D process as pain free as possible and try to come to a mutual decision on things or we can make it painful on everyone involved. I told her from this point on she is free to do what she thinks is best and I am starting my new life.
I want to look out for best interest of my D2 and I know it isn't over yet but if it keeps going down this path she is crazy if she thinks im not going to fight for rights to my D2. My emotions are obviously running high right now but I don't see why I should sacrifice half my life away from my D when I didn't do anything worthy of D
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
Have you said this script in response to W's statement that she wants a D:
You need to know that a D isn't what I want, but I won't stand in your way. You do what you want to do. Make no mistake, we will not be friends should you decide to pursue divorce. This is not what friends do to friends. I will be cordial when it comes to D2 and childcare logistics.
The next time W brings up D or D paperwork, you can pull out this script.
Try to take some time to let things settle. Don't do anything tonight that you will regret for years. Emotions are high right now...let them come down before you do anything.
We didn't really talk much more last night. She said she was hoping we could make the D process as quick as possible and come to a mutual agreement on our assets and our daughter. I think she is wanting to make this as quick and "pain free" as possible because she doesn't want the truth to come out; especially with what she has done.
She said her heart has changed and it changed a couple of months ago (while she was having an A). No one knows about her A and she has really distanced herself from her friends and her family only knows that we are having issues; they know nothing of an A. I would never just tell everyone what is going on but I do think she needs to face the truth in what she has done. But I will STFU and just take care of the things I need to take care of. I'm just stating my opinion about that
My W is 29 and her A was with a 20 year old former student. She has hid that truth from everyone. She doesn't even have the courage to tell our counselor the truth about the A; she lied and told him it was a man that was only 6 years younger than her. I don't think she could be more wayward right now. Again, im not going to out my wife by any means; but I also don't want anything to happen that allows her to say we just "grew apart" and the D was a mutual decision. I want to be cordial, but I don't want to help her cover her lies and hide the truth. I hope that makes sense
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
It doesn't make sense. You are in counseling with the W and the elephant in the room hasn't been addressed at all?? Why do you feel that it is not your job to tell the counselor the real truth as it affects you too?
If I were you, I'd tell the counselor the truth. Yeah, W will get mad. But is it fair for you to continue biting your tongue at the M's expense?
