Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[gan]

Jedi, thanks for posting on my thread. I'm yet to catch up on your story but see you have just passed "move out day". That was one of the lowest points for me - still makes me feel nauseous thinking about it..but I am generally better than fine now and know you will get through this.

[MadMax]

Jedi - Just wanted to share something I read every morning when I wake up...

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

While we can't control the situation we can control how we react and conduct ourselves during the process. Hang in there and have a great day!

[jedi]

Hi gan, MadMax, thanks for checking in here. I need to keep in mind the above sentiment, and I do know that I'll get through this. Either way it all still [censored].

Even with a busy, fun weekend, I'm still fragile. One minute all is fine, then boom, a wash of emotions come crashing down. Last night it was set off by some song lyrics, as it typically is. Drops of Jupiter by Train: "And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"

So hard to let go. It's taking all my willpower to not send a text to check in and see how the new place is, because even through all of this I still genuinely care how things are going for her. Ugh.

But, as I've read here over and over again, she knows I want to work this out and knows where to find me. And so I Let it be...

Tonight is new book night, and I'm trying to decide now if I should start in on NMMNG or Mindset.

[PigPen]

Keep keeping on Jedi. I'm in the same boat with the emotions. I started bawling watching an ESPN 30 for 30 the other day. Yes, a show on college basketball took me to the edge.

Can't recommend NMMNG highly enough, I wish he held classes I could attend weekly.

Sorry to hear you're in pain, we all are. I keep trying to believe that this is all a gift and the pain is just part of the wrapping.

Stay strong.

[gan]

The bad news is....even a year on the emotions can still get ya sometimes. But....I guess the alternative would mean not feeling anything? That doesn't sound so great either.

[jedi]

Gan,
Agreed that feeling nothing also doesn't sound so good. Easier for sure, but not good.

Some journaling for the day:

Started NMMNG last night and finished it up this evening. Probably need to read it again, but found the following sentiment resonated with me strongly:

"One common factor at the core of every problem is fear... Fear of both failure and success".

I am realizing I've suffered from this for some time, perhaps most of my adult life. However, as I slowly make changes to myself (dropping bad habits, exercising, starting down a road to possibly an entirely different career), I can see I was scared to take the steps to change ANYTHING, because if I succeeded, then something was going to be different going forward. And if I failed, well then I was not good enough to incite change. And so it's safest to not TRY to change anything, and as things do come up try to get back to the "status quo" as quickly as possible.

I am a creature of complacency, take comfort in the known and familiar (even if bad), and have always waited for something other than myself to change my life in the way that I truly wanted.

For me, my main goal right now is to reverse this, and as expected it's scary. It is also however much less scary today than it would have sounded 2-3 months ago.

[jedi]

Also, I have some been mulling this over the last few days.

No further talk of D has been mentioned at this point. We do however have some things that need split up eventually, but they're all are of very insignificant financial basis. Joint account for cell phones for example.

I don't really care about these things right now. However, along the lines of feeling the loss of our M/R, or taking ownership of the decision that's been made, it would seem splitting things sooner than later might fall into that realm.

I'm leaning towards doing nothing, as least for the time being. As Cadet likes to say, no action is often times an appropriate action. Just curious if anyone had any thoughts or recommendations on this.

[jedi]

Journaling for today, nothing really new to report. W initiated a brief txt exchange yesterday around some things to return to me. I asked her how things were going and kept it light and friendly. Back to NC today, and for the foreseeable future as the items she has are of no urgency at this point. Thankfully the week has flown by, and I have some plans this weekend with friends so it should be enjoyable as well.

One thing that hit me tonight is that I've been going about this GAL thing all wrong. Initially, I took it to mean get out, do things, enjoy life but for me it was always more in an effort to not sit around mull over the situation. Distraction would be a good way to phrase how I interpreted it.

Now, what I think everyone really means by GAL is to go out and find something I truly enjoy, something where I'm so into it that thoughts of W or the situation naturally don't even occur. Exercise is a good example; for me initially it was a way to just get through an hour of my day. I now am seeing some results, I feel better in general, and have begun to genuinely look forward to it. I also don't seem think much about things anymore while I'm in that zone. This is approximately 2 months into really getting serious about exercising daily.

I guess my posting about this is more for anyone new who may happen to read this - this is truly a marathon and not a sprint. And for me, that sentiment is no longer solely about DB or my M/R at this point, but extends much further into my own personal journey of working on me and making changes for me.

All that said, it's of course still hard. The first person I want to share with when I have revelations like this is my W. But I keep on keeping on, and perhaps someday I will get to share all of these things with her under different circumstances.

[ILYNOT]

Hey jedi hang in there, my wife of 14 years also moved to her new place on 5/22/15, ive been trying to stay nusy going to the gym, counseling, and reading. I have a long way to go but I'm glad i found this site!

[Fogg]

Now, what I think everyone really means by GAL is to go out and find something I truly enjoy, something where I'm so into it that thoughts of W or the situation naturally don't even occur.

All that said, it's of course still hard. The first person I want to share with when I have revelations like this is my W. But I keep on keeping on, and perhaps someday I will get to share all of these things with her under different circumstances.

Yes, we cant remove the thinking about our sitch, its too personal to us. GAL lets us fill our mind with something we enjoy so that the thoughts don't come up as much, giving us a mental break.

I think we all have that sadness, and it wont go away anytime soon. Even if you detach the pain of what you lost will remain for a very long time. We just manage it better as time passes. Maybe one day we do get a chance to share our thoughts with them again, or someone else. Either way the process lets us get past this crippling part of our lives to a better place waiting for us somewhere in the future.