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CaliGuy #2566702 05/11/15 08:37 PM
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Cali, that is a funny story, made me laugh. I have been trying to figure out a way to acknowledge our upcoming anniversary in a simple no guilt, no drama, no gushy way. I think you just did that for me, I like it! AND I know the date, but may very much catch H off guard, he may not remember. I had some other ideas, but I like your way. Mind if I borrow it?

How do other posters handle the wedding anniversary? I suppose it depends on the individual situation, but what do you do when you are in constant contact and on decent terms?


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2567884 05/15/15 02:10 AM
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Today is my 11 year wedding anniversary. To my surprise, no flowers were delivered to my work. HA! Ya right. I was not surprised. I dropped off son tonight with him, and when leaving, pulled the Cali move and said, for what it's worth, Happy Anniversary. I went in for a hug and could see shock cross his face. He either had no idea, or he was caught off guard by my bringing it up. He hugged me back, but did not say anything. Not one thing.

I drove off thinking, this is the last year this is happening buddy. This [censored]! I should be sipping a $15 glass of wine and looking into my husband's eyes over candlelight. This is bull and I feel pissed! Robbed! Dooped!

Tomorrow is a new day, another hump hopped over on the lovely path of MLC.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2567981 05/15/15 01:52 PM
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Happy Belated Anniversary!

I'm sorry he didn't recognize the date. Even though he wasn't there to celebrate it w/you, I do hope that you've got something special planned to celebrate that date. Purchase some flowers, go out to dinner and definitely have that glass of wine. You are the prize and you deserve to be treated as the prize, even if you have to do it yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2567989 05/15/15 02:16 PM
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M4

Please do something nice for yourself, don't make it anniversary related at all, but just to feel a little better, treat yourself
new outfit, shoes, mani/pedi, new dvd anything do something for you.

Good job on how you handle it with your H.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2567998 05/15/15 02:26 PM
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Sorry that your H did not recognize the day ..... I do think they are in a time capsule and he probably has no idea life is going on for the rest of us while he is stuck.

I agree ^^ Do something nice for yourself


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2568182 05/15/15 08:40 PM
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Happy 11th! I agree, do something nice for yourself.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
HeavyD #2568209 05/15/15 09:39 PM
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Am in same sitch mleigh.

I don't know what's going to happen either - or how to handle (??!) anniversary sitch.

Last year h acknowledged it - as a matter of fact, he brought it up & took me out! shocked However, it was strange I think b/c it wasn't real. He was crumbing - we ate, paid bill & returned home. All this while he was smiling & talkative - w/subtle animation, 'artificial'. Dinner talk was pleasant enough but disconnected & 'empty'. I put up a brave front. I was positive as db advised but this was 2 months or so into mlc, so I was really hurting internallly. Very weird when I think back.
(btw For Mother's Day last year - there was no mention of anything just like this year - go figure or maybe NOT!!!)

I have NO expectations re anniversary. He is aware that I am not fooled by crumbing etc b/c of certain incidents that have occured during the past year. It's different if you believe that you're fooling someone so h may view 2015 as 'waste of time.' He may reiterate that he is low on $$ which I know, so this will work out quite conveniently. Who knows?
Will see how it goes ...

I was planning to (casually) dress up a bit, fix my hair even if I just craft away at home or do dishes laugh Doing my feet & nails tomorrow. Something to make me feel good in spite of the past cruelty & neglect, & still feel pretty regardless of increasing wrinkles, & growing sagging skin (unlike the 'fine young things' blush h has been after!!)

You need to do something to make up for the anniversary. I agree with the above posters. Do something for yourself, a FEEL GOOD ('make up for me') plan, ok? wink


pbetra
----
M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017

pbetra #2568273 05/16/15 01:29 AM
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Thank you so much everyone. The support here is incredible, NO ONE understands. I got silence from mom and what do you expect... You are separated? from boss. I had a nice pity party, tears and all, and am now back to myself. Again, THANK YOU.

I will do exactly as you say. Something nice for me smile S will be with H tomorrow and I have plans with friends.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2571360 05/25/15 02:25 AM
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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I feel like I have not been here in quite a while! I have been GAL in an exhausting way, but all good. Having lots of fun. The weather has been good, spring fever is in the air, and I have invitations to do things left and right. I have no complaints! A few "ouches", but no complaints.

Last weekend went out with friends and let loose a little more than normal since S was with H. When H dropped off S that Sunday, I was a little slower than normal, I could see H watching me. He mentioned that he called a guy about some lab puppies, watching my response. I just said, oh. Inside? ouch. This is not ending any time soon, is it guys? Ya, I think this is a long term separation. It's ok, I figured and really do expect and accept that.

H called me on Monday, had a last minute early morning meeting come up and asked if he could bring S home that night instead of have him over. Actually, he asked if I was going to be home to bring him. For some reason, that is strange to me, where else would I be at 9 on a work night? I hesitated a little, only because I was still catching up from the weekend. H asked me, why are you so tired?? I told him I just had a busy weekend, not enough rest. So he brought S home, and his long surfer hair was cut off. It had Grammy written all over it. I won't go into it other than once again, H and his mother made a decision I should have been part of, without me. And yes, Grammy cut it. S said he liked it, so I decided to do a 180. Normally I would have flipped out a bit. Instead, I sent H and Grammy a text, saying the shock has worn off, (they know I love his hair on the long side, but it's his hair!), and that they did a good job. Well, Grammy had to poke at me, calling his hair shaggy, saying this is better so he fits in (?) and saying it's time to get him back in swim lessons. I didn't bite, let it go. H didn't reply to her either.

Wednesday we met up for S open house at school. As we were leaving, H said why don't I get the little dog I have always wanted and he will take our lab. Ouch! I said no and gave him my sad face. He is obsessed with having a dog. Makes me sad, he must be feeling lonely? But also makes me feel good. If he was living the dream or had himself OW, I don't think he would care so much about having a dog.

Thursday I took the day off to chaperone a field trip with S. Had a blast! Such precious memories with him. After, we went to appt to renew his passport. After, we headed to H for drop off. H had a dentist appt by our house and had mentioned he would pick up dog. Instead, he asked me if I would go back and get her to bring with S. At first, I thought ok. Then I thought, NO! He has lost his privilege of asking me for favors. Some nerve I think. And S has told me he doesn't care if dog is with him at daddy's or not, plus, I can't get her in my truck. So when we pulled up, I could see him looking for her. He said, no dog? I just no, with a smile. This dog thing needs to stop. S and I have been forced to adjust to so many changes these last 2 years, now he wants to take our dog?

Enough. This is her home, which he chose to leave. His choice. He needs to get himself a dog. I am tired of the back and forth with her.

This weekend, I have S. We had friends over on Saturday, my girlfriend and her teenage daughter slept over. Got up and went to breakfast and then to local festival. S and I are exhausted! As soon as we got home, H texted asking if we wanted to go to Costco with him. S said no, and I agreed so I let H know we were pooped and how are weekend went. He was getting some stuff for us so I also let him know it could wait another week if he wanted to go next weekend. He said he would let me know, haven't heard back from him.

Hmmmm. I wonder if it bothers him, knowing we are having people over and not inviting him? The festival was literally down the street from him, but no, I didn't invite him to that either. As far as I am concerned, if he wanted to enjoy living life with S and I, he would not have left. I hope that is sinking in with him. We are living, having fun, moving on without him. His friends, our friends, are enjoying S and I, without him.

I don't mean to sound mean, but it's how I feel. Something tells me that is starting to sink in with him. I wonder where that will take him?


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2571407 05/25/15 11:17 AM
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You don't sound mean at all. You and your son are living your life and continuing to move forward. Your h chose to move out and not be a part of a family. As for the dog, I don't blame you and it's not like the dog is a child that needs to go back and forth. He can get a pup and raise it at his place if he needs to relive that part of his childhood.

Now, about his mother, I would be furious that she didn't discuss the haircut w/you. She is acting like your child is her child. I think you are going to need to set some boundaries because granny is trying to be a mother to your child and your h isn't speaking up about it. Sorry, but that's what I'm getting from your postings. Granny needs boundaries.

You sound like you've been extremely busy and it's catching up w/you. I hope you'll take a little bit of time out today and just relax.

You are doing great! Slow down just a bit, breathe and relax a bit. GALing can wear you out if you aren't careful w/it and take do it in small pieces.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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