Lightening strike Inside my chest to keep my up at night Dream of way To make you understand my pain Clouds of sulfur in the air Bombs are falling everywhere It's heartbreak warfare Once you want it to begin No one ever wins It's heartbreak warfare
If you want more love why don't you say so If you want more love why don't you say so
Drop his name Push the knife in and twist again Watch my face As I pretend to feel no pain, pain, pain
How come the only way how high you get me Is to see how far I fall God only knows how much Id love you if you let me
I don't care if we don't sleep all night Let's just fix this thing now I swear to God we are going to get it right If you lay you weapon down Red wind and ambien Your taking $h!t again It's heartbreak warfare Glad to know it's all a game to you Disappointment has a name It heartbreak warfare
John Mayer
Heard this song this past weekend and it made me thing of my cuurent situation with H. Why couldn't he of just told me he needed more love? We obviously have both done a great deal to cause each other pain and no one wins. Thus is where we seem stuck is in heartbreak ware fair.
Anyway, I have decided to hold off on email for now. H has pulled back again. Off to bootcamp. Will post more later this am.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/13/1502:05 PM. Reason: topic edit
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Last night my H and I looked at our respective work travels schedules and it made me sad. Yes, will it be a good opportunity for me to detach and GAL, but I am concerned about the lack of connection time with H. We basically will see each other very little over the next two months, so worries me that we will have little time to connect until August.
The good news is that I had good, light conversations last night and this morning with H. Bad is that I think figured out that I am still likely dealing with lies. H insists there is no reason to lie at this stage. If you recall, last Thursday night H never came home. I sent text on Friday as I started to get concerned about his wellbeing when there was not a peep from him. I made the mistake of laying into him about disrespect and no regard for me and my concerns and our M. Yeah, I know I shouldn't have, but it made me made.
H said he did not come home because he extended stay on local overnight work trip and that he informed me he might do that. I don't recall this, but still inconsiderate not to inform me that he did decide to do this. He was upset as he said text was sent to make him feel guilty. H is either not thinking lies through or I may be missing something, but work hotels are paid via our personal checking account. Only a charge came through for one night. I called and did confirm it was one night only. So there you have it. I don't understand where this person has come from that used to be my H. If you would have ever told me he would bold face lie to me, I would not have believe it. He is literally looking me in the eye and saying these things. Makes it hard to believe the more positive stuff, and I know I am not supposed to anyway. But also I obviously have to question status of A. In my heart I think I know the answer. Where else would he have been that he would feel need to lie. I assume he is cake eating since he at same time is saying positive things to me and still here.
I so want to call him on his $h!t, but I will just get called a snoop and make things worse. Is it really snooping when I am the one who handles finances and would easily see that hotel charge. No, but I guess calling would be.
Last edited by BW05; 05/13/1506:22 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Question. In my previous tread I talk about some photos on H phone. I know who this person is. Never meet her, but she is a work related colleague of H. She is M and my H has been working with on something else. There are numerous reasons that lead me to believe that she could be a OW. Also, H's reaction to my reaction to photos seemed to be over the topic and proactive. Also, later that night he made point to talk down about this person and then the next morning questioning me about my trust. Also said when would I have time to do this, I told you I have no reason to lie, do you think I would be so stupid. Yada, Yada, yada. There would be a number of very bad implications on H and this person if this is the case. I cannot imagine H would be so stupid, but I guess the fog would do that. I could be totally off base on my hunch. Does his reaction seem odd to any one else?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
When dealing with issues such as you are, its all to easy to focus on the OM/OW. The WAS will most surely lie .. usually very poorly as they are in La-La land and actually have worked up the alibi in their head, not like they can run this by anyone, not you, not OP, it seems to sound good and believable in their mind so they will continue to try to cover the tracks to spare you the pain and to hide the secret.
As hard as it is ... the energy you spend on the OP is wasted, its not advised you expose the A, confront the OP, as it only makes the WAS run further into the OP arms proving to them they have been right all along to have this person in their life. Its impossible to compete with that new lust drug that is flowing through them right now, thats why you hear people talk about GAL, PMA, 180's ... things you CAN control.
So his reaction being odd, maybe to the general public .. here... unfortunately not so much most of us have witnessed similar, or worse behavior.
Yes, I agree with not focusing on OW. Just trying to confirm there is active A to know what I am up against. Active A will be much harder than if he would be in withdrawal stage.
Back to detaching, GAL, 180s, and LRT.
Just hard to not get sucked back in to cycle with positive words by H. Need to work on my self and reactions as when I feel I am doing LRT my H thinks I am grumpy or mad at him. He is being very sensitive when I pull back.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW05, Have you ever heard of gas lighting? If not, do an internet search on the subject. Do, I found his reaction odd? Not at all....this is what gas lighting is about as well as projecting on to you what he's done or his doing or even thinking of doing. It's very typical behavior for a person in an affair to do this. Trust your gut.
As for outing the affair, well...you could do this, but what is your main reason for doing so? To get them to break up and hopefully he'll suddenly wake up and run back to you? If that is a yes, then you need to rethink outing the affair. Yes, many times the affairs are outed, but what happens is that when you do this, it will drive him closer to the ow. In his mind, he needs to protect her from everything that you are saying. He needs to rescue her and keep her safe. He has to come off looking like the good guy and guess what...your actions become even more justification for why he's doing what he's doing.
Allow the affair to die a slow and natural death. The less you talk to him about her, the better off you are. He's irrational right now because he's higher than a kite just knowing she's there waiting for him. Don't give him or her the satisfaction of knowing that they are taking up space in your head.
She's truly nothing more than a crutch while he's figuring himself out. She's nothing special and the only thing she's got going for her right now is that she is "new". Once the newness wears off, she will begin to tarnish and all of those things he loves about her right now, will eventually turn him against her, i.e., as he slowly begins to return to earth.
Keep the focus on you and your mantra is "you are the prize". Repeat that each and every day because truly you are the prize.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
