H came and loaded up all his stuff. I didn't help him at all. There were tears on my part and foolishly I let my mouth run asking him how he could leave me to take care of the house and everything else by myself. I need to buy some duct tape and STFU! Going to have to really work on being able to forgive him for doing this to me. Everytime I work on the house trying to get it ready to sell I get angry with him. He is so selfish and all about him. His new life, his new start, his new business. Argh I want to be with him and have a good marriage and then I think why? Why would I want to be with someone that couldn't put me and our family first? He was unhappy...well welcome to the club. Lots of people are unhappy. You work things through, you work things out. You don't just bail! Having a really rough day today. One of my closest friends from work called me last night. She has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Finds out more on Wednesday. She is scared to death and I am for her as well. Lots of prayers being sent her way from me. Then this morning my mother tells me that my sister-in-law just found out that she is 2 months pregnant. Normally that would be joyous news, however she is an alcoholic and the doctors have suggested that she abort the baby because she had been drinking so heavily for the past few months. Maybe this will convince her to get the help that she needs. So sad!
I'm going to guided meditation tonight to try to clear my head a bit from all this trauma.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
H came and loaded up all his stuff. I didn't help him at all. There were tears on my part and foolishly I let my mouth run asking him how he could leave me to take care of the house and everything else by myself. I need to buy some duct tape and STFU! Going to have to really work on being able to forgive him for doing this to me. Everytime I work on the house trying to get it ready to sell I get angry with him. He is so selfish and all about him. His new life, his new start, his new business. Argh I want to be with him and have a good marriage and then I think why? Why would I want to be with someone that couldn't put me and our family first? He was unhappy...well welcome to the club. Lots of people are unhappy. You work things through, you work things out. You don't just bail!
It's hard to STFU, really hard at times. Just keep trying and it gets somewhat easier to keep your mouth closed. Yes, hes selfish. I feel the same as you do in most of these statements, yet about my W. Its hard to see them do this and not care about you. At times its so confusing how they could be so cold to your pain, how they could even consider doing all of this. I'm still trying to face this myself, but we have to see it as they aren't doing this to us, its just a side effect of what they think they need. They want this other life so badly they ignore what its doing to the rest of the life they are leaving behind.
You want to be with him the same reason we all do, love. Its not logical, but it is what it is. It can be the greatest thing in the world, but also the most painful.
Keep up the GAL Diana, one day we will be OK. We just have a hard painful road to pass through first.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Things get better. Be patient with yourselves. When I went through mine I played games in my head. I used to imagine how life would look like. I tried to look at my new life in exciting ways. Eating what I wanted going places. But the fear would drown my imagination. I kept doing it. Imagining wonderful things. Slowly I began to remember who I was. It took a couple of years. I still deal with fear but Im humble now.
You will come out the other side soon. Regardless of the outcome of your stich. And you will make mistakes at DBing. If you didnt you wouldnt be here and the world would have been cured by you.
So GAL and try and remember the wonderful falable human being you are.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Thank you Fogg and Rick. Yes we all make it through. Patience, patience, patiemce. I feel much better after meditation tonight. Made a stop at my best friends house tonight and filled her in about my lovely day. I know what I have to do and what I need to get done. H is going away for the long weekend. Tuesday we have our first couples counselling. We will see how that goes.
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Aquafitness and water yoga this morning. Then had a pedicure. Had to drive my son to work today. His ride called in sick again. He so needs to buy his own car. Grumble! That is something we will be working on over the long weekend. Now that all of my Hs stuff is gone I can finally paint his old office from the God awful green color he painted it to a more neutral color. Will bring up a spare bed from the basement and stage it. Bam...one room done...rest of the house to do. Lol I'm off to see the wizard...NOT. I am off to see my H tonight. He will be out of town from Thursday until Monday and asked if I would come spend the evening and night with him since we won't see each other over the weekend. I am feeling better today. The sun is shining. I really need to go to the gym more often. Working the body makes me feel so much better. I also love my purple nail polish....the color is called Purple with a Purpose. Made me think Diana with a purpose. I know what I have to do and I'm going to do it.
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So, a couple of days ago an old boyfriend friended me on facebook. We hadn't seen each other since I was 19. Weird I thought but accepted his friend request, mainly out of curiosity. He messaged me right away. Seems that he had been an alcoholic and drug user for most of his adult life and had finally become clean about a year ago. Him reaching out to me was making amends and asking my forgiveness. Of course I had already forgiven him many years ago and was genuinely happy for him for getting sober. We chatted for a little while catching up on each others lives. I asked him about his son. Last time I saw him, his then girlfriend was pregnant. He told me they broke up before his son was born and she asked him to never contact her or try to see his son ever. So he didn't. I told him if he is trying to make amends with people she would be number one on his list and his son had a right to know about his father. Of course he was concerned about what kind of reaction he would get or if he could even find them. I told him, what do you have to loose? Just try. He found them! After the initial shock, both his ex girlfriend and his son were happy to hear from him. He had a three hour conversation with his son this morning and found out he is a grandfather as well. He called me today and repeatedly thanked me for giving him this guidance. I feel so good about having had such a positive influence on this situation. His life and his sons life have now forever changed for the better. Also made me realize that holding on to the resentment towards my husband is a stupid thing. I forgive him for leaving me at the worst time of my life. Both of our lives have now changed for the better. Whatever will be, will be. We will work on our respective issues alone and on our marriage together. I see a bright future ahead of me.
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I feel so good about having had such a positive influence on this situation. His life and his sons life have now forever changed for the better. Also made me realize that holding on to the resentment towards my husband is a stupid thing. I forgive him for leaving me at the worst time of my life. Both of our lives have now changed for the better. Whatever will be, will be. We will work on our respective issues alone and on our marriage together. I see a bright future ahead of me.
Hi Diana.
I don't think I've checked in on you in a while. I am so sorry!
What a terrific job you did advising your old boyfriend. You should feel good! The story makes me feel good, too, I have goosebumps! You have always come across to me as a caring person and it truly shows by the way you took the time to advise him.
What you wrote about resentment is very true. It's hard to let go of it when someone, especially our spouse, has wronged us. But it's so important for you as it helps you let go of the past and move forward.
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Yes moving forward is what I am doing. Funny thing is the better I get at moving forward the more insecure my H gets. He woke up last night from a nightmare in which I had found someone else. He is really worried that I will leave him behind.
How is your situation going? Have you heard anything from your wife?
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