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I'm glad she recognized your special day and I'm glad you let her know that you appreciated her gestures.

What are your plans for the holiday weekend?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Job.

I guess it is a holiday where you are from but not here. My son has a belt ceremony for karate. Otherwise I'm going to spend it with my 2 sons.

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I'm glad you have plans to spend time w/your sons. If you think about it, take some photos of the belt ceremony. You and your son will enjoy looking back on these special times in the years to come.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Oh yes, I'll take some photos and videos. It'll be cool.

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Saw my IC today, she's really really good. I get a real sense of empathy from her and she makes me feel pretty comfortable.

I told her how my WW believes that I am a narcissist. That I have fooled my friends of 3 decades and my own mother. She indicated that in her 25 years of counseling and dealing with sociopaths at Canada's largest mental health institution, I am not one for sure. LOL.

She's proud that I meditate and how reflective I have become. She says it can have a positive impact on the health. We both agreed that we can't understand how others live without it. She told me a story where meditation saved her from a very rough patch in her life. She was skeptical at first as she thought it might be some new age thing.

She told me that it is okay to "look" at other women. I said I wasn't anywhere near ready for a relationship. But "looking" is perfectly normal.

She worries about how I am living under the same roof as my WW while she is seeing OM. She says it must be hell. I agree but I told her there is nothing I can do about it and how I have worked on acceptance. She gave me a book for free on getting over a loss in M. I was really appreciative.

She wants me to protect myself legally from my WW. And I am to report to her about what my lawyer has to say. She has been really encouraging. My WW has been piling on debt and cashing in on her retirement.

She asked me some questions about my WW's mood. She wondered if she was bipolar. I have no idea, I don't know any of that stuff. She has been very adamant on not bad mouthing WW to my boys. Even though our parenting styles are different, I should not countermand her authority in front of them. I agreed and I don't do that. Of course does my WW do the same? NO. I told her that my boys love their mom and that's a beautiful thing. I'm not going to interfere with that.

I get coverage from work on these things but only for a few. But she told me that I can do something to continue these sessions for next to nothing. Don't tell anyone. I get the impression that she wants me to keep seeing her. That really touched me.

All in all, I feel really positive afterwards but a little sad. She says that I am doing well in expressing my emotions during this whole thing and that I am a thoughtful person. She says it's okay to be angry. Anger can get us moving.

I told her that I am not innocent in this whole thing. She listened and affirmed but I feel she's more interested in me getting through this limbo hell in one piece and getting on with my life.

After being demonized by my WW for so long, it really feels good to have someone see me in a good light. I know my friends and my family tell me I'm a good person but this feels different for some reason.

In other news, my friends took me out for dinner for a belated birthday party (I've had 4 bday parties in my honor now). A buddy of mine got me a book that helped him in his D. He wrote a personal note in it. It's awesome to have friends like that.

I have to run and cook my kids something. WW ran out of the house to her OM and left them with store bought chicken, bagels, and popsicles.

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As the months have gone by and I have progressed through DB I find myself now in a state of neutrality.

We don't talk. We don't even really look at eachother. My boundaries are in place and she knows it. In effect, we are living separate lives.

She seems happy. She wants to talk and interact but I'm not really interested. I do not think she is as angry with me as before. I see the occasional look of guilt. I should engage her in a more friendly way however. Not to give the impression that I'm breaking detachment, but just to smooth things over.

She has given me alot of time to myself. For the first time she is looking after the kids at home. She still struggles to take them out on her own however.

What detachment has gotten me is a way to deal with her active affair without open warfare. It still wears on me, but not like in the past. Detachment has also slowly taken her out of my life. I am much happier when she is not at home.

Why did it have to come to this.

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Ten,

Life can throw a lot of hurdles at us. How we handle them helps us to grow as individuals.

You should engage her in a friendly way, just not like a friend though. It should be more like someone you were introduced to who lives a thousand miles away. Be friendly, just don't share much information. Keep living your own life and be the best father to your children you can be.

She may seem happy now. Most times it is temporary and comes crashing down. I don't see most men who are in affairs with married women as looking for a long term relationship. Eventually he will move on. When he does, it is you w problem not yours. Don't be the shoulder for her to cry on when it happens.

You sound like you found a great therapist. Keep working on yourself. Keep seeking answers about who you are and who you want to become. Consider putting a plan together that will allow you to move on soon so you have your own place free of her at this point. I think no matter what, deep down her active affair while sharing the same house does dig at a person.


Twisting on Life's Rope
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D final 1-2015
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Thanks LT.

This feels like a glacier at times, slowly moving but unstoppable.

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Tell me about it. My only advice is to accept that it has to run its course. Best to get out of the way and work on yourself and find ways to enjoy life and the opportunity you have right now. They have to hit rock bottom and hopefully wake up. Until then there is not anything you can do about it.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
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I don't know what it is, but she is really bothering me these days.

And all she is doing is being nice to me. It's like I resent her for it.

I see her happy and moving forward because she gets to stay at home while going out with her OM. I'm angry. I'm angry that she has broken apart our family and she is benefiting while I suffer.

I hate myself for suffering. I hate myself for letting her get to me.

I feel like I lost. She beat me? I LOST??

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