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Thanks guys. Going to see a movie and my parents and siblings are taking me out to lunch.

I feel so bad right now. I'm alone with the kids while she is out with OM.

This feeling is different though. I feel like I have no energy and my body aches.

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Well. Not even a happy birthday from her. She was out all day long with OM.

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TB,

I am sorry that you did not receive any acknowledgment from W on your birthday. frown That is what happens when people are in affairs...they block out everything except OW/OM. Grrrrr...

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Thanks Wonka.

You've been here for almost 11 years. Longer then I've been married (sad).

You've probably seen people come and go.

Have you noticed anything different these past few years vs when you started?

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Wife took the day off and didn't tell me. She was with the OM I just know it. It hit me, but not hard enough that I couldn't catch myself.

My thoughts turn to anger, I ask when will there be justice? I tell myself there will be no justice, she will live with the OM in peace and happiness.

But I know my own advice. Focus on me. You can't control your WW. She will do as she pleases. Focus on GAL and getting yourself strong.

And what kind of justice? You want to see the mother of your kids broken and defeated? What good would that do to your 2 boys? Focus on them and your own happiness.

Still, my own advice is so far distant to how I actually feel.

Why I have been forsaken?

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Your looking at it all wrong. There will be justice, but it will happen when you stop letting her control your emotions and are able to see how great you can live with or without her.

"she will live with the OM in peace and happiness"? That's a fantasy world that cant survive. Its only good for right now, one day it will shatter.

Its fine to feel anger, its just one of the emotions you need to get through. It will come and go, experience it and don't fight it. Just make sure you don't react to her when shes around.

An alternative way to look at this.(Only suggesting it because its very similar to what my IC has told me)

If she does stay in this fantasy world forever and never sees the destruction shes done to you. Would that be so horrible? If that's who she really is, wouldn't she be doing you a favor by letting you go. Your in a win-win situation and you cant see it. She recognizes what shes done and you two work on rebuilding the M into something better, or she releases you to find someone worth your love. Yes time is a big factor in this, but until another person finds her way into your life, you don't need to make a decision anyway on moving on. Either way, your path right now is to still focus on yourself. All the advice you already know, just have to keep doing it.

Might be time to find a good GAL activity to get you out of your comfort zone and experience something new. Something fun and exciting. What do you think?


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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Your IC is wise.

Thanks for your post it means alot.

New and exciting? I want to get back to my interests I used to have!

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For the record.

Back a couple of months ago, STBX was still interested in reconciling. I remember that conversation as she didn't want a D. I said that I was of course willing to try as well.

But even when she said that, she was still in contact with the OM. Everytime I found out that she was texting or talking or even meeting with him, I detached from the reconciliation. She said that she couldn't take it when I "blew up".

I asked her... why? You know that reconciliation can't happen unless there is zero contact. Your sister said it, your IC said it... why? To this day the only answer I got was "It's hard".

She told me that they broke up several times. They even went weeks without contact. She said that he will go and find a new woman eventually. She had even written him a no contact letter. She broke her own letter and he happily responded. I said if he doesn't want to be with you, why does he continue to contact? She said that he was lonely.

She said that the one time she did use an IC, they talked about the A. I GUESS that's when the breakups and NC letter came about.

What else.

They now happily see eachother. I asked her if there is a future with him and she said no. I really don't believe that.

I tried to save our M and our family. This forum, the books, the IC sessions, the coach sessions, and my support groups attest to my efforts to work toward improving myself and saving our M. I put the effort in. Not for house or kids, but for you. Because I wanted you back.

I really think that you tried as well. So thank you. But you could never break away from him. You could not break away from the amplified past you rewrote. You could not break away from your own personal issues brought about by growing up in an abusive and loveless family. You could never break away from crossing the line. You could never break away from your inability to forgive.

I didn't ask you to believe me. But do impartial research into your situation. But you didn't. You just looked up on things about how to D, and how people are happier after D. But I don't know, you never shared what you looked up.

You said that you got gov't sponsored psychiatric care. I went to my doctor today who has known me since I was delivered. He said that sort of thing only comes with threat of suicide or severe, debilitating depression. I'm not sure how you pulled that off. Unless you really are severely depressed.

I gather that you wanted to save our M while holding onto the OM at the same time.

You don't want anyone to know about your A. Yet you speak aloud about how there is nothing wrong with it.

You once told me, and I quote "You don't like the truth" "You can't control yourself". You denied saying all those things.

You told me that you have completely changed. No you haven't. You've grown, you've gotten more life experience, but you are at your core, the same person.

What else...

I guess you never saw me in pain. That is because of DB. You look at me sometimes like you want something from me. Is it guilt? Is it pity? Is it because you want me to save you?

You have broken our family. I can understand why that is not a big deal for you. Maybe one day you'll understand why it's not a big deal for you.

You said that I don't share my knowledge. I hear you.
You said that I am critical. I understand.
You said that the words "You are personally responsible for your life" was criticism. Okay, I hear the harshness in that.

You said you didn't know who I was anymore.
You said that you don't trust me anymore.

I hear that.

But in all this. Have you heard one single thing about my side of the story?

To this day, you still don't know why I was not happy. And to this day, you still never cared.

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Are you just venting or are you planning to say these things to your wife? If you are thinking of saying these things to her...don't. Write a letter, then tear it up and toss it away. Why? Because nothing you say or do right now will be heard by her. She's in her own little "me" world and is only thinking of herself and new boy toy.

Focus on you. The om is nothing more than a nice "new" attraction to her. You are the prize! Remember that!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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My STBX threw me a bday party today with card and cake. I appreciated it and let her know that it was a kind act.

So thank you STBX.

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