Ten .. have you gone dark/dim with her? ... or like me were you to readily accessible .. has she ever had to really do things without you, life with out you?
Honestly .. nothing she has said requires your immediate response so I personally would let her slow cook with it, let it sink in you are not going to just roll over and be her puppet anymore .. I caught you read NMMNG ... think about those lessons here.
I got to the point with my W I refused any big discussion like this over TM or email so I was not misunderstood. Something like this you may want to tell her you are looking into it, protecting your assets and yourself, getting legal advice and will get back to her .... but I would wait on telling her that for a bit.
T2 gave me some good advice with TM back to my W. (I was to available .. even at 2 in the morning)
Emergency concerning kids .. immediate response Concerning Kids (schedules pick ups ... etc) 15-20 min Anything else .. 2 hours .. you are busy GALing, and living your life.
Ten .. have you gone dark/dim with her? ... or like me were you to readily accessible .. has she ever had to really do things without you, life with out you?
TB: I have been going dark since the beginning of April. It really helped but it enraged her. We started talking again only a couple of days ago and it opened up all my healing wounds.
Honestly .. nothing she has said requires your immediate response so I personally would let her slow cook with it, let it sink in you are not going to just roll over and be her puppet anymore .. I caught you read NMMNG ... think about those lessons here.
TB: I don't want her to suffer. Of course... I know that answer to my own response!!
I got to the point with my W I refused any big discussion like this over TM or email so I was not misunderstood. Something like this you may want to tell her you are looking into it, protecting your assets and yourself, getting legal advice and will get back to her .... but I would wait on telling her that for a bit.
T2 gave me some good advice with TM back to my W. (I was to available .. even at 2 in the morning)
Emergency concerning kids .. immediate response Concerning Kids (schedules pick ups ... etc) 15-20 min Anything else .. 2 hours .. you are busy GALing, and living your life.
It comes down to going dark and one day at a time.
LOL .. ok I laughed ... its an imaginary jacket ... with the MLCrs they love to yell and blow up on us ... picture someone who spits alot when they scream .. putting on the 'spew jacket' protects you .. your emotions, feelings, core as you realize its just spew, nothing sticks, its coming from a dark place and means nothing ... in my case W was so upset with her life, who she was, what she was doing, so unhappy .. I was the easy target for ALL the blame .. she spewed on me quite a bit till I started putting safe guards (boundaries) I owned what I needed to own, MY short comings in the M, anything else I either let her vent ... but started slowly refusing to put up with the beat downs. MLC'rs can get pretty bad ... mine in that dept was, still can be at times but its so much better as I have enforced the boundaries .. and she knows it.
You will also need quite a few "patience" shovels as well. As you travel the path, you will need to dig deeper than you ever have before for patience. First shovel is on its way to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You will also need quite a few "patience" shovels as well. As you travel the path, you will need to dig deeper than you ever have before for patience. First shovel is on its way to you.
Is there a bulk rate discount on those? .. I keep breaking em
She wants to live a single life. Being a part time mom on her own would still allow her to see other men. She sees me as the person who kept her from seeing how amazing life was. Being with the OM has opened her eyes to how amazing life could be.
I'll not comment on that. Maybe I will... You make sacrifices when you first start out with little kids. Not to say you have to lay down and die. But that is the truth. She also had the worst work hours. How can you blame me for that?? How can you say I abandoned you when I was the one who kept the family together. Ahhh well. Old anger.
She wants to live alone. Get her own place and live her life.
I hear that MLC is also about depression. I don't think she's had depression... I'm not sure.
She wants to live a single life. Being a part time mom on her own would still allow her to see other men. She sees me as the person who kept her from seeing how amazing life was. Being with the OM has opened her eyes to how amazing life could be.
I'll not comment on that. Maybe I will... You make sacrifices when you first start out with little kids. Not to say you have to lay down and die. But that is the truth. She also had the worst work hours. How can you blame me for that?? How can you say I abandoned you when I was the one who kept the family together. Ahhh well. Old anger.
She wants to live alone. Get her own place and live her life.
I hear that MLC is also about depression. I don't think she's had depression... I'm not sure.
If this is MLC, there is no doubt depression is there, maybe you can not see it .. but I fail to think of a single case where there is a MLC without depression.
She may want to live alone, be single, and yeah ... they get a taste of a OM .. that rush of 'new love' and a fun awesome life with no strings, hard to compete. Thing is .. deep down they know thats all superficial, its a band-aid for a wound that requires some digging and will need stiches .. not a band-aid.
Second part ... you are in her head to much, its all mindreading at this point .. maybe she wants to be single, maybe she wants to have ice cream ... who knows. What she wants is what she wants and it has always been this way, one time she wanted you, currently she doesn't .. it changed and it may change again. Guessing what flavor she craves will do you no good.
Lets get that focus back on you, what new things are you doing, GaL activities .... starting these up and then posting here about what you are upto and how your W is reacting to your changes is where you will begin to see some progress, the key to all this Ten is doing the work, going on your path and your journey and allowing your W to be on hers for a bit.
Cali is right...the main ingredient of MLC is depression. It will take time for it to begin to show, but they all have it. Depression isn't always about feeling sad and not getting off the couch because people react differently to it.
As for wanting to live the single life...well...been there and done that one. She thinks she missed out on something and, of course, you are to blame for her not experiencing life and seeing just how amazing her life has been w/you.
Something or someone stunted her emotional growth a long time ago when she was a child. The word abandon is an important word here...she must have felt abandoned as a child. Which parent was distant or left her?
As for living alone...that won't last long. It's what she thinks you want to hear right now...but there is possibly someone waiting in the wings, either in person or on line that she wants to meet up with.
For now, try not mind reading...it will get you no where fast and just creates more doubts in your mind. Do not assume anything because assumptions don't always pan out.
Let's put the focus back on you and what you can do to enrich your life while she's playing the repeat teenager stuff. Okay?
