H - Happy Mother's Day! Thank you for being such a loving mother for our sons. I hope you enjoy this day with them!
Me - Thank you for letting me be the mom for your children. They make me happy. Sorry I am a good mom but couldn't be a good wife for you.
H - Pink - Please don't think that. I am thankful for so many amazing things that you have done for me as my wife, and for our children.
Me - I am also thankful for all the nice and amazing things you have done, said and showed me as my husband. It's just a day to think that I really and truly regret I did not say or showed how important it was in my life. You are an amazing person. I wish you all the happiness in your life and I am sorry for all the wrongs I did to you.
No word from H after that. The boys and I went for late lunch, early dinner and it was a lot of fun.
Once back in a house, I called my mom in Brasil. Meanwhile I was in my bedroom on the phone w/my mom, H arrives at the house. S20 came over and told me that dad was home..
I finished my conversation with my mom and when I came downstairs H was gone and the kids said that he was kind of annoyed that I did not came downstairs.
H left a beautiful bouquet of white roses for me. It took me by surprise, I did not expect that at the end of the day. So I react and made a bigger mistake. I called him to thank the flowers and then start talking friendly. I also asked if he would like to come back and maybe we could go somewhere since he was hungry and we could talk.
H said that he could come back, he hesitate and then said that he was tired because he was working and he needed to get some sleep because he did not sleep much the night before. And he also said: "I think it is best not to meet because I really need to keep doing what I am doing".
I told him that I got it already, that our M is over and that he wants to D, but I think that we need to talk about a lot of other stuff including the schedule for our kids. He said that he agree with me but was thinking he would better go to sleep.
I felt miserable after the call. I know I messed up big time and did not think before I react to those stupid flowers. H knows me and knows that I am an idiot romantic and I took the bait.
I cried like there was not tomorrow, was painful and the worse is that I do not know if there is anything I did right or if I just did everything wrong. I am so confused. I need to get a grab of myself or I will go insane.
I don't think you did anything wrong other then apologize for not making him happy. You can't make him happy and his problem is not your fault or even about you. I would stop apologizing and blaming yourself its his problem.
The flowers were nice and the phone call ok. Don't talk about the M or the D.
Someone just told me because I messed up on Mother's Day too and talked about R that it doesn't really matter because if they come back they come back and those who aren't going to aren't and that they don't put much stock in what you say anyway.
I was advised to just be patient and quite and wait for them to come to you. So I am passing it along. So move on with your life and just keep eyes and ears open.
Hi Pink. Don't be down on yourself , you love this man !!!!! We can all see that in your posts. He loves you too just doesn't feel it at the moment. I hate to use a 2 x 4 because you know I care for you BUT this man is sleeping with someone else ! Life can change in a heartbeat and no one knows how your am will end up I have great hope for you and H because he seems so lost , however he is not the man he was because that man would not hurt Pink like he has.
Please take this as its meant Stop putting yourself down in front of him and when you think of yourself. Your Pink , beautiful , intelligent , caring , kind . Passionate , a fantastic mum and a great friend to all you meet. If H cannot see this then it's his loss.
He got the flowers but couldn't wait to give them to you !! Come on !!!
DBing is so hard because you have to do what's not natural or comfortable. You have just made it clear to H that he can comeback into your life whenever he wants. He can, but he can't know that. Pink cannot be plan B , Pink is plan A+++++.
today changed nothing but tomorrow and all the days after dan , it's upto you Pink
DB like a champ , you can do this , your H has to see he can lose Pink ( to a certain Irish man that shall remain nameless for now !!! )
Pink. Please accept that you still love him so stand for your M. To you it's hopeless but this is your family your thinking of and its soloo hard but you can do it
Pink above is my thoughts , I hope I have not upset you and I say everything from my head , no emotion
If I let my emotion speak , then , drive to the airport and head to Dublin or London and I will be there to meet you !!!!!!!!
Relax my friend , it's ok You have your wonderful boys , a great job that you love and your life ahead of you. You will be happy again I promise. And I would t lie to the future Mrs Rd !! !!!!!!!
Take care and post a lot because all your supporters on here will have great advice for you.
Just dropping in briefly as away & on my phone. Agree with all the above. Try not to worry or over analyse. He is lost & not himself just now & can only resolve this at his own pace. Last night I read something that helped me. Google raising peanut midlife crisis.
Take care xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Skhdive, I think that I did pursue my H. Asking him to go out with me, right after he gives me flowers for Mother's Day. I should have tough about and wait a half an hour or so and take a decision of just calling or send a text thanking him.
The apology was a bit much, I should stop that once for all. I need to move forward and somehow it has been pretty hard. It feels harder then if I just force myself to move on.
RD, thanks for your words of wisdom. I am in no way upset. I know I was doing good, not pursuing, being more independent and then I lost it and bit the bait. Like a silly fish. H spoke with my mom about me, she said to him that if I did not love him the way he thinks, that I would be far away from him.
So, it almost seem that he wants to check the temperature. When he left for his big trip I did not sleep in a house, he was here, did everything possible to stop me going out and I still left. He comes back and I am nice but distant, then the next day he does this and bang... Pink is showing him how much he needs and love him.
Oh well, I need to pick myself up and let go, I can't change what I did, I can just do better next time. Need to look for somethings to do.
You sure had some harsh words, but it just show that you have good values inside your heart.
Toots darling, I think that sometimes I feel very upset with the whole thing. It is always this wait, wait and wait. Sometimes I wish that things would be good or bad, but something would happen. It's always this complex things.
But I think you are right. H is kind of lost. Although sometimes he seems very well oriented. I can't just think that he is lost just because he is not in love with me anymore, just because he wants to divorce me and make a life with someone else. Many people do that.
Hi Pink. How are you doing today ? Any thoughts on how your goi g to DB and relax back from things ?
Maybe if you accept the old M is gone All you did wrong and all H did wrong is in the past. You have worked on your issues and in time H will work on his. The time frame is the problem because we have no idea how long that will be.
While you have love for him in your heart you have to do what's best for Pink. As an outsider looking in you need to carry on with your life knowing that you will be ok and happy again Your goal is your family reconciled and that is very very possible but it will take time. Your H seems very lost and is acting out of character for now Let H work through his issues. Set your boundaries re H in and out of the house and then relax , DB and let the future be what it will be
Pink , nothing you say will influence H. Carry on being the best Pink that you can be Keep improving at work and take fantastic care of those special boys of yours H will see that he could lose this incredible person and he will have to make some hard choices. All the while Pink is acting AS IF and H will notice.
This short term pain will be over one day and you will be in a place of happiness and have a happy future ahead of you. Stay strong for you and your boys and in a strange way for H.
Hi RD, I was just thinking about all this yesterday and this morning. I think I am getting to this place and time were I want to move forward.
I have been reading TO's story and it is helping me a lot. There are a lot of good advice from Sandy2 and others.
I have been reading DR and DB again, as well as The 5 Love Languages and most important have been checking one by one of the Sandi's 37 rules.
I realized that I am not DBing. I do things to get a reaction from my H but I did nothing to change this whole mess and that's why every time H comes around with his crazy roller coaster, I became an emotional mess.
So, I know it is not going to be easy, but I need to get real, I need to stop pretending that H will just turn around and tell me that we can work on our M. All the signs are there that he does not care about us, family, kids or whatever, he is just worry about himself (as he was always)and I have been behaving as a blind person for all this time.
I will start a list today of what I am doing for myself as a woman, person. Another list of what I am doing for and with my kids, like who does what, what direction is everyone going. And then I will have a better picture of what we need to do to improve our lives and move forward with it.
I also need to be honest with myself and face that I am very confused in regard of my H. For awhile I did not feel much, but now I see how much H have hurt me.
At first I blamed myself 100%, then I decided to clean some of my childhood wounds and now I can see it very clear that I am a very caring and nice person. I did a lot to help H build up his career, I took care after everything in a household, kids, responsibilities, I did it all.
When he decided to have a R with OW, he did decide that all I did was not good enough. It was easy for him to run away from troubles that life will always bring to us. He is a coward. But for me, this shouldn't be the most important issue right now. I really, really need to get moving and LET GO for good.
I say I love my H, or at least the one I got married one day. But the reality is that I do not know anymore, I do not know if I still love him or if I love the idea of him. My feelings are very mixed up.
What I know for sure is that I have three lovely creatures right there, beside me. On mother's day, they made me a card, they wrote crazy stuff and said that they are happy their mom is very crazy and they can write with freedom.
They are stronger and bigger then me, and instead of a big hug I got in the air. They gave me many kisses and said that I am an awesome mom. I have a wonderful family and I am the center of it. All of you are right telling me that H will be the one missing all this one day.
Right now, his priorities are others that we don't even know. His life is a mess, he is depressed, crying himself being a poor victim. I need to LET GO on all this and do not think much about.
I need to start educating and training myself every day to think a little less about him, and disconnect from his insanity.
Thanks for your words RD, you have been helping me a lot. It's amazing that you give me hope that there are men with a clean mind and a clean heart that can talk about values and sacrifices.
Hi Pink. Great to hear your making a plan. Your boys are very very lucky and they appreciate it which is fantastic.
I am not trying to defend your H but if it's an MLC then how clearly is he thinking ?
This is the time to focus on Pink and what she needs You right to let go of H and his actions You have no control anyway so try. This is all very easy for me to type and will be very hard to achieve but you are more than capable of doing it
Take each day as it arrives Life has many twists and turns and 6 months from now it could all change so wny put effort into it. Today , right now , you are a loved person, your boys , your family , your friends , people you work with and your pals on here ( especially me ! )
Hug your boys , laugh with them , enjoy their company , what could better ? Nothing. !!! How lucky are you ? Three amazing boys and a whole world to enjoy Pinks time is now , right now. The future is just that , it's now that matters and enjoy every minute Fill your life with Pinks things and enjoy them.
We are all here for you Pink and anytime that your feeling down post if you think we can help. Fill your mind with all the positives in your life and do t let the negative in , why would you ? It's negative !!! !
Huge hug ( and I'm spinning you around too !!!!) your friend Rd. xxxx
