Hey everyone, my H and have been separated since March but we've had problems long before that and this is not our 1st split. We've been married 7years and our biggest problems have been money (he wants to spend it all), sex (he never wants it - we had sex maybe 75 times in that 7 year span and I'm being generous), and his daughter (she had a baby at 14 and is now 19 and he still coddles her and cleans up her mistakes - dui's lately).
He recently paid for a week long beach trip for her even though he and I discussed last year that we'd no longer do that. He then lied to me about it. Finally he owned up to it but said I was over reacting and he is allowed to spend time with her without "permission" from me. Spending the money, lying to me, and excluding me was my final straw.
I helped him move out, separated banking, changed the locks, and continued with life. He seemed okay with this and we went without contact for about 2 months. At the time of our separation, he didn't want a divorce and I didn't push it.
I'm moving soon for a new job and he's said he doesn't want to move away from her. I told him I'm not basing my life around where she geographically lives.
He defends her regardless of her behavior and he doesn't acknowledge how he's hurting me. He thinks I'm 100% of the problem. The problem is he treats her as a wife. He shares his confidences with her and sacrifices everyone else's joy for hers. I'm only here for convenience.
He wanted to talk yesterday and I could tell he wasn't ready to and knew I wasnt. It wasn't productive at all (destructive actually) and became an argument with hurtful things said from both sides. He said he just doesn't want to argue anymore and I presented him with D papers and told him if he signed them we'd never have to argue again.
We're just incapable of resolving things and nothing will change without resolution. I don't feel he is committed to change and I'm tired of trying and begging. I'm ready to move forward with my life and my new adventures! It's really exciting to think about but I feel like he would drag me down.
It's not that I want a divorce but i CAN'T continue this marriage the way it is. And I can't change things without him too.
I feel selfish that I'm doing this for myself but I can't do for him anymore.
Sorry for the Length. Thanks for reading. Any support or advice is appreciated but I am vulnerable and emotional right now so go easy!
Hello, I am assuming you don't have any children? I hear your frustration, but it seems like he still is having trouble and maybe even feeling guilty for not being with her mother.
