MLC - Like a Kid

[job]

I've cut and pasted your last posting from this thread to your original thread where Cadet posted the welcome information. I will respond there.

Here is your first/original thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2565803#Post2565803

[job]

Patience is very difficult for many people who post here because many of us are fixers. We want to make things right, but this is one time we can't do that because we weren't involved in their childhoods. What happened is that they are emotionally stunted and they have to go back to that time, face their issues and come to understand that they were not at fault for what happened to them. We were not the authority figures back them because we were children ourselves and now as adults, we can't make it right for them. Yes, we can listen, affirm and validate, but there's nothing we can do but let them go and pray for them. We have been given the opportunity to do things for ourselves at this time. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it really is a time to reflect on ourselves and makes positive changes.

Here is a link to the detaching thread, which is found at the top of the MLC forum. I hope it helps and let's stick to one thread. Okay?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537289#Post2537289

[25yearsmlc]

Dear Skhdive

I'm glad job posted to you about sticking to one thread b/c it's impossible to give
anyone sound advice without retracing all their postings and figuring out their story--but that's not likely to happen

when so many others are here with their signature lines summarizing their story and easy ways to follow them.

So DO stick to one, and you will get a ton more replies and better advice.

Having said that, here are a few comments on yours below...

Thank you for your advice. I will not contact him and I will wait for him to contact me.

When you truly GAL, it won't feel like you are "waiting" for him - to call or to do anything b/c you'll be too busy in your new, more content & more fulfilled life...

which coincidentally makes you a more attractive, attractING woman

Make sense?



I am working on the GAL. I have my S every day so what I do needs to include him right now.

You can hire someone to watch him 1-2 nights a week and Not have him with you during all of your spare time. Even if it's a neighbor with whom you must alternate (if money is really an obstacle to having some free time).

Seriously, you must do this.

Patience is hard for me. I have learned I am an instant fixer and I now know I cannot fix this but must wait. So hard.

Yes we know. Read my own time line to see how little time 3 months is.

Plus, here is a KEY POINT you must absorb. And it does Not matter if it is "right"...

No WAS returns to a marriage they left - unless -- the believe

the marriage can be better/different than before.

How are You showing that you are changing, so that the marriage can be better/different than before?


Is it 'Fair" that you must change? I don't know.

I only know you have no control over him -

and we cannot do a thing about him b/c guess what?

He's Not here trying to save the marriage; you are.




Every day is a new day to succeed. Any tips on patience is welcomed and also on detaching. I would like to get a day where I don't think about him all the time. Would like to try to only think about situation once a day?

Then Set that ^^ as a goal. I first began taking serious walks (aka "fury marches") and during those times, the exercise times, I would let myself strategize or pray or obsess

and I did this so I could be more available to my children then. My anger and obsessiveness had prevented me from enjoying them enough and I was so preoccupied all the time with whether h was coming home, what HE was doing or what HE was feeling/planning/thinking....

I must have been boring as hell to listen to.

Eventually exercising became my freedom time and I listened to inspirational stories or happy uplifting music and I looked a lot better and I felt a lot better.

I had to throw myself into GAL to stop obsessing and with a ton of GAL

I became able to Detach.

IMO, You cannot detach/stop obsessing without GAL and GAL needs to involve other people for the most part.

SOME things may remain solo activities like exercise or church but some have to involve meeting new people who don't all know your situation.

Just mandatory.

Make sense?

[25yearsmlc]

I've cut and pasted your last posting from this thread to your original thread where Cadet posted the welcome information. I will respond there.

Here is your first/original thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2565803#Post2565803

So is THIS thread here that I've posted on, the "one" -or must we use the link and go there?

Thanks.

[25yearsmlc]

Sorry but I'm lost as to which thread is now Skydive's.

(Hence the need to only use one thread)

and I didn't find the original post

so I don't know ages of either party or how long this has been going on (3 months?)

or her son's age, or length of marriage, issues raised, ETC.

Also I Posted on another thread of hers, which I assumed was now the "real one"

so can anyone steer this some? Can we choose to stay in one place? Would this be the one?

Yikes

THANKS for the help.