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Thanks for your kind words and analogy of the plant Lady V.

I believe that it is a kind way of viewing my emotional skills and development.

I have always described myself as a late bloomer LOL .

Due to childhood illness I spent a lot of time on my own in hospital, and as a child when I returned to school due to my shy nature and lack of time at school I struggled to make friends. I have since then, found social relationships diffcult to understand, culivate and maintain.

However I am an excellent social worker, have amazing rapport and engagement skills and deal with tough crisis and personal matters incrediably well. I do now have a very solid but small group of friends who love me and make me laugh.

I guess the lack of intimate involvement and investment makes a significant difference for me.

I have over the last 6 months become more comfortable with the possiblity of a BDP diagnosis or even that I have a number of the behavioural and emotional indicators. Marcia Lineham's work is a relief. Her description of someone with BDP, and their emotional requlation issues. Well alot of my emotional life hsa begun to made sense. She has such compassion for the people who suffer from this disorder. And she has optimism and hope for full recovery.

I have told only one close friend about the BDP,the shame attached to not being able to manage emotions is quite significant.

Yes V I am very calm, when not emotionally invested/codependently engaged with another. I over empathise at times, and have significant compassion for others, so definately not a Narc, although as lots of people with BDP, I am self centre, controlling and manipulative when I am in emotional distress and emotionally disregulated. As I said quite high functioning for a crazy girl. lol

My DBing goals are all about recovery and self regulation. It's nice to find someone who understands some of the road I am on. I don't think I would have taken this journey if I have not broken up with ex. So small blessings!!!

My DBing journey is quite different to others here and I do wonder what people think, but I try to remind myself that each one of us doing what we can, how we can, with what life is presenting us at this time. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone here!

Thanks for the love and support Lady V. You have read me so well over this strange and awesome medium that is the internet!!!

Hoping your journey becomes easier and that you continue to look up at the view.

XXXX Jelly


Last edited by JellyB; 07/16/15 01:10 AM.
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I visited the out of the fog website Lady V, very good reading, but hard to read. And the founder of DBT is Marsha Linehan not Marica. Duh!

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Jelly,
Just stopping by to say hi. Sounds like you have been digging - don't give up.

I have felt that I didn't "fit in" here on the DB forum. My journey was different than many. In some ways better, in some ways worse. I do feel that this has helped me immensely and do not know what condition I would be in if it wasn't for all of this fine learning that I have done.

I'm going to be honest, that thus far I do not believe that DB'ng had helped/saved my marriage in any way (likely my fault for not implementing the advice properly or strongly). But it has helped me and I actually feel stronger than I have felt in a long time. I would credit DB for this.

Take care Jelly!


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JellyB

To help me can you explain what you mean by hard to read, please.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Morning Lady V! I meant that it was hard as in my emotional response to it. So much pain in people's lives. People trying to find ways of being better. Hard to read and own behaviour that I never intended. But I have new pages to write, to flowers to grow. Jelly xxx

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Jelly

Thanks for that explanation.

I wish you peace today.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Are you alright jelly?

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Morning V!

Morning here in old Auckland City, a clear cold Winters morning. Just getting ready to head out to have brunch with a girlfriend, at one of my fav brunch places, they do the most amazing hash browns and coffee is also good. I love this particular friend K as she epitomises a few qualities I would like to devlop. Sassy, confident, her own person, and she has the driest wit of anyone I know. Should be a lovely way to spend the some of the day.

This does however bring up GAL. Never been an easy thing for me. 1. Naturally a home body and introvert - can spend heaps of time reading, watching good film, pottering at home. 2. Degrees of social phobia at time, meeting new people is a push. 3. I want to be excellent at everything now! I find new activities pushes my need to control and failure buttons - need to be perfect. All excuses!!!!

I want to have a great life while I am choosing to be single, to set myself up for when I am with someone and not become all codependent and needy again.

First things first though- new flat is needed, living with my sister (who was kind enough to let me land on her door step or more single bed in the spare room) I feel like a little girl here and with the surgery time to stand on my own two feet. It's been long enough!

In answer to your question Lady V. Yeah I'm good!

Have you still got your groove on?

Love JB

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Hey there Jelly - oh yeah - I tend to forget about that whole hemisphere thing as it is oppressive (as the meteorologists call it) here. Winter (I really like winter).

Your description of your GAL struggles - I'm sure you must be talking about me - That is going to be a tough nut to crack with me. I feel very awkward around groups.

You sound great!!
Keep on healing - keep on truckin'


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
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I try to turn everyday stuff into GAL, I prefer small groups too.

With paradoxical ADD (hyper focus) I am known for disappearing up my own orifice on occasions, I can get lost for days left to my own devices when I am single. It's not fear necessarily but lack of drive, so I deliberately build outwards GAL such as dancing, parties, opera into my schedule. I also did public speaking too.

I think it's ok to mix it up a little. I try to avoid TV too.

Groove still on Jelly. Feeling chipper.

V


Last edited by Vanilla; 07/20/15 11:38 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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