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Back from Disney World and TIRED. The kids had a blast, it was mostly miserable for me. My mom and H's mom were on my nerves at all times. My mom mostly.

Ok I need some perspective here... we left at 2am Sunday morning so H's mom came over the night before and stayed here. I had stopped at Dunkin Donuts and gotten a coffee to reheat in the "morning" so I could have coffee without adding an extra step in getting all 5 kids and 3 adults out the door for the airport. I had my coffee (already heated) sitting on the kitchen counter and I was getting the older boys up and making sure they had their stuff when I hear H's mom say to him, "I'm just going to have some of Rachael's coffee" and proceeds to pick up my cup. H walks across the kitchen to her and tells her he is going to stop for coffee on the way to the airport.

I don't say a word till H and I are alone later that night and I tell him I don't appreciate his mom trying to drink my coffee, I told him she was welcome to make a pot (she knows where everything is in my kitchen) or she could have stopped on her way to our house like I did. He tells me he didn't think it was a big deal.

I am still irritated because both H and his mom don't think it's rude/wrong to just pick up someones coffee cup and drink it.

Perspective PLEASE! Am I just that uptight about this?



There were many other small things that made the trip stressful BUT the kids never saw that stuff and just enjoyed the vacation so I am happy about that.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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twinmom Offline OP
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Just to clarify, one of my H's complaints about our marriage and one of my 180's was to be more accepting of stuff his family does.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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Well, I do find it rather rude to drink someone's coffee. Did you offer to get her one when you got yours?? But I would put it in the 'minor irritation' box. If you're still bothered about it in a week, maybe look at it again, but when you are tired after the trip, maybe just put it to one side.

It's a shame you didn't have a good trip, due to feeling irritated. Is there something you can do about that for next time? (If there is a next time....you may have decided never again!!)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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twinmom Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Toots
Well, I do find it rather rude to drink someone's coffee. Did you offer to get her one when you got yours?? But I would put it in the 'minor irritation' box. If you're still bothered about it in a week, maybe look at it again, but when you are tired after the trip, maybe just put it to one side.

It's a shame you didn't have a good trip, due to feeling irritated. Is there something you can do about that for next time? (If there is a next time....you may have decided never again!!)


No, I don't text/call her at all. I picked up my coffee while out running errands before she came over.

I think next time I will save extra and pay a babysitter to come with us.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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twinmom Offline OP
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Maintaining the 180's that I had been working on is HARD. Does anyone have any suggestions for letting off steam? I am finding it so difficult to let go of anger/not make a comment when H's family is around.... I know I have to work on this and I am trying but if anyone has suggestions I am willing to try ANYTHING!

H and I went to a cubs game last Sunday (work for me) and the baby came with us. My 9yr old was with his dad and the 14yr old at a friends house till almost bed time. So MIL just had the twins. We got home and she insisted on sleeping on the couch even though I told her she was welcome to the 9yr olds bed.
At about 5am one of the twins came downstairs and instead of waking me or H she woke grandma...... she ended up vomiting on the couch, grandma didn't clean it up or wake me. She just put a rag on top of the vomit and let the 3yr old go back to sleep with vomit in her hair and laying next to vomit.......

I found this when I got up and was cleaning the living room, well after MIL went home. MIL never told me she vomited.

I am frustrated because while I don't expect MIL to clean up vomit I do expect her to wake me up so I can!


Having a hard time letting go of this.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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Picture a stop sign and when these feelings overwhelm you use the image of a stop sign to wind yourself down. Any reaction you give to their inconsiderate behavior and non-behavior only escalates matters anyway. Then they turn the entire thing around on you and make it all about your angry upset reaction.

You can't fix stupid and it's crazy to fight and argue with stupid. Stupid is as stupid does.

Go Braves.


The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
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Originally Posted By: Toots
Hi Twin, I'm sorry to hear about your son - doubtless, he'll learn from that one! It's good that you recognise some of this and see where your train of thought goes - shifting to a time when you felt others were judging your parenting.

I guess the internal intervention would be good before the above crosses into anger and resentment at your H. It sounds like for you that when something challenging happens, instead of just dealing with that challenging thing as a stand alone item - this is what is happening and I need to respond today - it gets linked to past stuff.

I think we all get flashbacks of how awful it was at the time. I guess if we can recognise and process them as that and only that, we've pretty much cracked it. But it's a shame if we continue to let them colour new things that are happening today.

Twin, it sounds like you might benefit from some support on this. I cant recall, are you seeing an IC at all? Or might there be some reading you can do on this. Essentially, it seems to be about processing and managing to release some of the negative things from the past. You can't change the fact that they happened, but you can work on the fact that they cause you pain in the present.

Nothing else helpful to add I'm afraid - other than I'm sure you'll get there with persistence and patience.

(((Twin)))


Hi Twinmom,

Toots is giving you some great advice regarding benefiting from some support. Are you speaking to a DB coach? They are experts in helping you with forgiveness and how to keep perspective when things are bothering you. I would be happy to give you more info.

Take care,
Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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So tw there has been much progress. I'm very pleased for you an it warms my heart.

It's a journey sweetie and sometimes we just fall over cause we are human.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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