MLC W Dates, Part 9

[Wet]

A couple of Friday one-liner lawyer jokes -

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. ~ Jean Kerr

Divorce is a game played by lawyers. ~ Cary Grant

[Wet]

Quick update - Last night s13 had a baseball game, and this was the 1st time W and I were going to be together at son's game, and be around each other for longer than 5 minutes. But.... The game was rained out.

W was supposed to receive her several thousand dollar refund this past Wednesday. But W called today and told me she has not received the refund, the children have no food, and her rent is late. I told her I would check to see what the status of the refund was.

This is different - in the past I have had moments that delighted at the misfortunes/tough times that W was going thru. But today? I had compassion on her, and I felt sorry for what she was facing. I don't understand why this change in my emotions, but it feels better.

[Wet]

So I went over to W's place, a little earlier than normal. W and d17 wanted my help in getting a financial aid application completed.

My compassionate feelings for W? They have slipped away as W asked if she had to be there when I was completing the paperwork. She was still there when I arrived, but she packed up bottles of booze as she sprinted like Usain Boldt off to a barbeque.

I invited d17 over to my place for a good meal - I don't like hearing the kids might be hungry. But she politely declined. So I guess its a guy's weekend with s13.

[AJM]

This is different - in the past I have had moments that delighted at the misfortunes/tough times that W was going thru. But today? I had compassion on her, and I felt sorry for what she was facing. I don't understand why this change in my emotions, but it feels better.

Remember that feeling, Wet. I know it wasn't expected that you'd feel better; it's not your personality type. But it feels right, doesn't it? Letting her succeed or not on her own merits without feeling happy or sad if she doesn't?

Guys weekend? Nice. Silver lining! Woot!

And I get it. Being a parent makes it hard to see the kids possibly not get what they could or even get what they need, such as a meal. Rest assured, they'll come to get a meal when they want one. You offered, and they know it's an open offer with you. Be wise and leave it at that; they'll take you up on it when they are ready.

Cheers!

AJ

[Wet]

Thanks AJ.

Ouch! S13 wants to go back to W's place tomorrow morning - b/c W took son's ipad charger, for the ipad given to him by his school. And he is close to reaching a milestone in a basketball game he is playing on the ipad.

But here is what hurts - I told him that I enjoy having him around and having this time together. His response:

Dad, you see me more on the weekends that I see Mom during the entire week.

Sob.

[AJM]

So honestly, Wet, what else does that tell you?
And I can tell you it wasn't much different for my kids.

Now to figure out what you're going to do with that information...


AJ

[kat727]

You need to be their primary parent legally not just in reality. They need you as much as you need them.

kat

[Wet]

Thanks Kat and AJ. This summer will be a big change as far as our kids go. D17 will be going to an out-of-state school. And I will have s13 during the week, perhaps full time.

Ok, quick story. It is weird how our minds grow healthier as we detach. I text W at 11 am this morning to see if I can bring s13 back to her place. W texts back, wait until noon to bring him back.

What would you think if you were asked to wait an hour before bringing your child back? I know my mind's immediate thought was W has a guy over and wants to give him time to get out before s13 gets back home.

And you know what, for the 1st time in my sitch, I didn't care. In the not so distant past, I've imagined seeing a guy at W's place, and me playing it macho and perhaps even getting physical. But this morning I resigned myself to the inevitable, out-of-my control certainty that some day it will happen - I will meet up with someone my W is seeing. And I didn't care.

Funny thing - W texted a few minutes later saying she had the flu (bottle flu?) and wanted time to clean up before s13 came back. And I didn't care the least whether she was telling me the truth or not.

[CaliGuy]

It is a liberating feeling to get to that point is'nt it .... I think for me to get there I just went ahead and figured she was lying about everything ... that way I would no longer be shocked or let down .... and at this point I still feel that way and am at the back end of it that I am pleasantly surprised when I discover she was telling the truth about things .... turning the negatives into positives just for my own benefit .... them lying does not seem to effect them as it does us, so why are we the ones to suffer ya know?

[Wet]

It looks like I will have all 3 of the in-state kids this weekend (Memorial Day weekend). W is going out of town. Let's see how long d17 will stay here at my place, as it is more cramped with 1 more person.

I'll try and get the younger 2 kids out, perhaps see a movie. I have no idea what to do on Memorial Day as my family will be out of town.